The sauce must flow!
Apparently, none of us would exist without coffee. It stands to reason.
Standard models of physics have long since shown that the amount of visible matter is insufficient to prevent the universe completely losing its shit and flying apart, meaning that some extra component is needed to keep it all together.
Well, a recent scientific breakthrough shows that the long-postulated ‘strong, dark, fluid’ force is probably an Ethiopian blend of coffee, with hints of Kenyan and Brazilian notes as well.
Want proof? It's written on the Internets, so it must be true!