Spoilers ahead for: Chick mags
(A.K.A. "The end of the semester can have the same effect as oxygen deprivation")
For some reason, there is a copy of Redbook in the house. I don't know why. I don't want to know why. But I do know it's in the wrong place at the wrong time. Because I am going to read* all the stuff that's advertised on the cover and spoil it horribly for you, so you don't have to inflict it upon yourself.
10 easy ways to lose that belly ~ Reality stars who did it show YOU how
1. Cut it off
2. Leave it on someone's doorstep
3. Forfeit it
4. Dump the guy it's attached to
5. Donate it to a skinny guy who's going to play Santa Claus
6. Consider becoming a "reality star" and lose your appetite as a result
7. Get way ahead and on the other side of a big crowd, then duck down a random alleyway
8. Slip out the back, Jack
9. Just get on the bus, Gus
10. Bet it on a pair of deuces
7 things he's not telling you... ~ ...because he knows you'd freak out
1. He doesn't love you anymore
2. Those jeans don't make your butt look fat so much as fatter
3. Your butt isn't alone in that regard
4. You left the iron on
5. The cat was drinking from your glass a minute ago
6. An asteroid is about to strike the Earth
7. He's tired of you freaking out over everything
Cheap beauty treats ~ Spoil yourself for $5, $2, free!
This is a lie. Cheap beauties do not treat, they expect to be treated by single guys with money to burn.
Bethenny Frankel ~ "I'm completely done with women being rewarded for bad behavior"
She's also done with Black Friday shoppers being rewarded for bad behavior, politicians being rewarded for bad behavior, and notorious sports figures being rewarded for bad behavior. Also, there's a heartwarming story involving her childhood, mother, or love life.
$17,370 OF FREE STUFF! ~ Enter to win, p.33
You know those stickers and gumballs and other junk you can get out of those 25-cent machines in the entryways of grocery stores and such?
Magic low-cal meals ~ So good & so good for you
Now that the "Fireball diet" is out of fashion, the "Cone of coldness diet" is all the rage among celebrities.
"Will we ever have sex again?" ~ One couple's very intimate health drama
Nope.
*For negative values of "read"
For some reason, there is a copy of Redbook in the house. I don't know why. I don't want to know why. But I do know it's in the wrong place at the wrong time. Because I am going to read* all the stuff that's advertised on the cover and spoil it horribly for you, so you don't have to inflict it upon yourself.
10 easy ways to lose that belly ~ Reality stars who did it show YOU how
1. Cut it off
2. Leave it on someone's doorstep
3. Forfeit it
4. Dump the guy it's attached to
5. Donate it to a skinny guy who's going to play Santa Claus
6. Consider becoming a "reality star" and lose your appetite as a result
7. Get way ahead and on the other side of a big crowd, then duck down a random alleyway
8. Slip out the back, Jack
9. Just get on the bus, Gus
10. Bet it on a pair of deuces
7 things he's not telling you... ~ ...because he knows you'd freak out
1. He doesn't love you anymore
2. Those jeans don't make your butt look fat so much as fatter
3. Your butt isn't alone in that regard
4. You left the iron on
5. The cat was drinking from your glass a minute ago
6. An asteroid is about to strike the Earth
7. He's tired of you freaking out over everything
Cheap beauty treats ~ Spoil yourself for $5, $2, free!
This is a lie. Cheap beauties do not treat, they expect to be treated by single guys with money to burn.
Bethenny Frankel ~ "I'm completely done with women being rewarded for bad behavior"
She's also done with Black Friday shoppers being rewarded for bad behavior, politicians being rewarded for bad behavior, and notorious sports figures being rewarded for bad behavior. Also, there's a heartwarming story involving her childhood, mother, or love life.
$17,370 OF FREE STUFF! ~ Enter to win, p.33
You know those stickers and gumballs and other junk you can get out of those 25-cent machines in the entryways of grocery stores and such?
Magic low-cal meals ~ So good & so good for you
Now that the "Fireball diet" is out of fashion, the "Cone of coldness diet" is all the rage among celebrities.
"Will we ever have sex again?" ~ One couple's very intimate health drama
Nope.
*For negative values of "read"