An unfortunate event
Once, and you were gone
I wasn't supposed to, I shouldn't have, but that time when I shoved you into my room, against the wall and forced our lips together, I hadn’t once thought of the consequence. Your lustrous eyes went wide and I could see the panic in your dilated pupils before you realized it was me and you just stayed silent, or that would be my imagination, I wondered if you would still do the same if that was some one else pressing against your slender body right then. But then you kissed me back and I let my mind lost in elation, forgetting all the possibilities and risks, just your soft skin felt so tender under my finger tips, the little moans you breathed into my ears were like stimulus and I couldn't stop, couldn't stop myself from going further, until nothing was left. I couldn't remember what got into me that night, but I remembered how happy and consent I was having you close in my arms, feeling your chest raising gently against my own and having the right to savour your lips without being afraid of losing them to some one else first. That felt so right.
But when I woke up, you left already and there was only me with the remained warmth of yours. When I got out to the living room, I saw you there, sitting leisurely at the kitchen counter, having your daily big and comfy breakfast, there was nothing that could tell about the previous event except for that little limpness on your lower body, but that was subtle enough and you didn't seem to mind it either. When I finally gathered enough courage to sit down in front of you, you welcomed me with a smile, a normal light hearted smile, like you always gave everyone. And my heart sunk as I realized you didn’t let the previous night stay in your mind for the slightest moment. Then he came in and you turned your whole attention to him, laughing easily at his witty comments, and I shrunk into my room, retreating in my miserable defeat.
Same days went by and you were still there, beautiful and enticing, but impossible for me to reach, just like before that night, and the distance between us became greater and greater, no matter how hard I tried to fix it. It just went beyond my control and I didn't even know the beginning of all, you didn't shun me or so, you were still friendly and touchy, except that I was less often a target of your intimacy showing. I tried to make jokes around you, tried to pull you back in our old loud and joyful merry-go-round, it did work sometimes and you still followed my goofy overacting occasionally, but there was something indescribable aroused that made it awkward between us. You became more attached to him and the pang of jealousy I tried to deny grew bigger everyday. I couldn't help but blame it on that unfortunate event but when I asked myself whether I regretted that, I realized that I would still do the same if I had the chance, because the bliss of smelling your hair, of touching your hand, of kissing your lips, was so great that those ephemeral moments could nourish my whole life of pleasure. But then, it didn’t lessen the pain when I saw you choose his hands over mine to hold and play with. You were just too far.
I didn’t dare to confront you for fear that I could break whatever left between us, as even it was awkward and loose, at least it was something. But the others realized and they became worried for our relationship. They didn’t know what’ had happened, they just thought there might be another little fight that burst out not so rarely in the dorm . Even he showed the concern and I caught him asking you about it. You smiled with no difficulty and assured him that it was nothing, there was nothing between us, then you hugged him and whined for snack, and I wished it weren’t him but me that that had the right to laugh at your adorable childishness. You two went out after that, leaving me behind the corner, blank minded. There was nothing between us, wasn’t it. I wondered if he knew the truth, what he could do to me. I turned terrified at the idea since I found out what I myself could do if I knew there was someone else touched you like I had.
In my dream, I saw you again, flawless and gorgeous, but most of all, belonging to me, you moaned breathlessly into my mouth, your hands gripping tight on my shoulders, your lidded eyes locked with mine and the feeling of being fitted into each other was too much for both to hold on. My name slipped through your lips beautifully and the soft breaths breezing over my neck were like gift from God. But then I woke up again. I kept my eyes closed, desperately trying to hold back even the faintest vision of you, of us. That was so pathetic of me.
I finally kidnapped you again, this time not so violently, but you were still shocked, as if you didn’t see it coming when i pulled your arms, blurting out something like we need to talk before dragging you away, ignoring his stare after us. When we finally had the privacy in my room, i made you sit down without releasing until I made sure that you wouldn’t run away from me. That was when I realized i didn’t know what to talk about, I rushed to you with the only idea of settling everything, not of how to do it, but that was going to be even worse if I stayed silent, so i just played all my cards. I poured out how I was drawn to you involuntarily; how it was an urge to see you, smell you, touch you, feel you; how it started to become more than a lust to have you, and of course, how I made a mistake and let that unfortunate event happen. You sat there wide eyed, the beautiful glint in your obs almost drove me insane again and I would have repeated that event if it hadn’t been for that questioning look, that look of being unsure on your face, your delicate lips moving slightly, drawing wild imagination in my mind, and then you said things that I had never expected. Like how you’d been watching me, how you’d stayed because it was me, how you’d left and pretended that nothing happened for you thought it was only a one night stand to me and that would make things easier. And I realized that it was not so unfortunate after all, when I knew I wouldn’t have to strangle or poison him for fear of him having you someday.
I dreamt about you again, lying peacefully beside me, your hot breaths kissing my cheeks, and your warm voice lingering in my ears, but this time I woke up on my own and couldn’t wait to open my eyes because I knew when I did, you were really here, next to me, your arms hugging me gently but close and tenderly, your brownish red strands tickling my neck, your stunning eyes looking back at me, affection dewing on your long lashes , and reality is always better than fantasy.
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Oh yes, yes I did, I write TaecChan lol, only one left ;)) but I doubt it will ever be written.
This one was rushed, but I'm satisfied with what it turned out. And yeah, as always, comments are great. And oh, read this if you're interested, just a little shout-out.