Katsuyuki Mori @ 39
To Katsuyuki Mori,
Happy birthday! You are what, 39-years-old now? And you’ve been in the racing world for 17 years. How are you? I’m certain you’re very happy with your life, doing what you really like and living with your own family. I’m wondering if SMAP greeted you on your birthday. I bet Nakai was the one who greeted you first. That man still missed you.
I am reading the letter I wrote for you in my diary last September 9, 2012. I am still deciding if I shall type it here because all of the things I want to say, I already said there.
Oh well, here it is:
September 9, 2012
Dear Katsuyuki Mori,
How are you doing? I just finished watching (for the nth time) the episode of your last appearance in SMPxSMAP and as usual, I ended up crying. The last song you sang, Best Friend, and Maakun crying in the middle of the song always get into me. I noticed that the start that he was smiling at you. Maybe he can’t hold it for long, you know, that facade pretending that he can be strong and happy even though you’re leaving. He can’t continue smiling anymore with that heaviness in his heart, that’s why he cried.
I read a story about him talking to your father and trying to convince him to try to talk you out of quitting SMAP but your father insisted that he should understand and it’s been your dream to become a racer even since you’re a little kid, even before you’ve become a SMAP member. Maakun was so worried and stressed about it. The rest of SMAP was devastated but I have a feeling Maakun was the most devastated. I also encountered a post on tumblr about the present Maakun…or Nakai telling that a part of him died when you left SMAP, that he was still thinking that you will come back. And I know you’re very sad to leave too, but it’s your dream right?
I want to salute you for your bravery and strength. I want to tell you that I admire you for what you did. I know how hard it is to say goodbye to SMAP, to your friends who have been there since your teenage life. I know you love them and that you never wanted to leave them but you have to. You have your own dreams and you want to stand on your own to achieve those and the thought of leaving them and the thought of hurting your friends, I know it devastated you too.
I just hope you didn’t have any kind of regret when you decided to leave. But I have a feeling you’re very happy now. You’ve already made your dream come true or rather, you’re living your dream and enjoying it to the fullest. I am also very happy to hear that you and SMAP are still contacting each other. Friends will always be friends right? I’m so happy for you, Mori. I’m so happy for SMAP too. I also found out that you have a wife and two kids now. Good for you, if that’s really true. I wish you always have time for them.
Thank you Mori. Thank you for making your fans happy, even those new fans who just discovered SMAP and you. 8 years must be a short time but for me, you will always be a part of SMAP. Forever Sexy Six. My wish is that I will have a chance to watch you race if ever I will be able to go to Japan.
Can I say, I love you Mori? Well, I really do. I love you for being you, for being a good person with his own principles in life. Just like what Nakai said, that he’s jealous of you because you found something other than SMAP that will keep you going.
Once again, thank you for being a part of SMAP. I will see you someday. Always take care of yourself Mori. Just like what Goro said, “Don’t die. It would be more sad if you’ll get hurt while doing what you really love the most.”
P.S. I’m still hoping that you will visit Bistro even though that is very impossible but a girl can dream, right?
Your fan,
Miki
Looking back when I was still very new to the fandom I find it funny because I never thought I will love an ex-member this much but then again, you’re still a part of SMAP. No matter what happens, no one can erase the fact that you became a part of SMAP and an everlasting friendship. You were there with them, you laughed and cried with them. You tried to achieve some greatness with them.
Even though when you’re not with them, physically, when they reached their 5th, 10th, 15th and 20th anniversary, I know that they are thinking of you during those times. They keep you in their hearts. You said to Nakai, that you hoped SMAP will always be no. 1. Well, they did. They reached the top and they stayed there or rather, they will always be there, the no. 1 you hoped them to be. And they were able to do that because of you.
I know you’re already achieving greatness on your own and I’m very proud of you. Happy birthday again. I feel a little guilty that I haven’t done any preparations for your day. Have fun with your friends, and if it’s possible, with SMAP too.
And call me a masochist but this is the day I will watch SMAP videos with you in it. . .after I watch another episode of Doctor Who. |D