First lj entry from Greece...
Well, at this very moment, I feel absolutely miserable. Probably not what you wanted to hear for my first journal entry since I've been here. I've been here for almost a week, and all I want to do right now is come home. I probably shouldn't be writing right now because it's going to make everyone think I'm having a horrible time, which I'm not for the most part, but I'm thick in culture-shock, lonely mode and I haven't been able to shake it.
I'm so incredibly lonely right now, and I feel like there is a huge void in my stomach. I'm nausious, I don't want to eat, I try to sleep and all I can think about is how sad and lonely I am. I miss having friends...everyone said I'd make friends really quickly and we'd all get to know eachother, yeah I've met people, but I feel like everyone else has made close connections with people and I'm still the awkward girl on the outside looking in. I miss hugs SO much. I miss my house, I miss my mom I miss all my friends, I miss Mike and when I think about how much longer I'm going to go without seeing any of them, I feel like I'm either going to pass out, cry hysterically, or throw up.
Yeah, Greece is pretty amazing. The city is huge, nothing is in english, the ruins are beautiful and so is the landscape (outside the city...the city itself is pretty dirty). I didn't expect the city to be so huge and confusing...and I didn't expect the language barrier to be such an enormous obstacle. We went to the island of Aegina yesterday for a field trip, and it was absolutely gorgeous. The water is a bright, clear blue and the weather was sunny and warm. Today it's rainy and cold and I'm back in the city at an internet cafe. My apartment is cute, it's on the 5th floor and the balcony looks out over one of the busier squares in my neighborhood. I don't really know my roommates very well yet...they're not exactly the kind of girls I would generally hang out with, and I feel like they're getting really close and I'm just on the outside. I've been hanging out a lot with Carly and Jordan and Carly's roommates Meggan and Jenny. They're really sweet, I'm just really bitter and jealous that they all get along so well, and have this amazing marble apartment and I'm stuck with roommates I don't talk to.
I know I said it before, but I miss having friends and being with my friends SO fucking much. It's so hard to not feel like you can be yourself, or talk honestly with anyone because you don't know them very well yet. The only thing I want to do is lay in my bed and cry...which is what I did for about an hour last night before I called Jordan and met up with the girls. I just wish....more than anything in the world...that someone...ANYONE I'm friends with from Eugene...could be here with me right now. I feel like this sadness is hindering me from being able to actually appreciate the culture and the country. All I can think about is how I don't think anyone here likes me, and how badly I wish I could see my mom right now.
I know you probably want to hear more about Greece....but this is seriously all I've been able to think about. When they said culture shock, they fucking meant it.
I'm also really bitter because there's a few girls who came on this trip together...like two friends would apply together and they're living together and they're having this wonderful, relaxing vacation together and here I am, sitting by myself in this goddamn internet cafe just wishing and hoping that my phone will ring and it will be my mom or mike or keir telling me that they're outside and they want to go get a bite to eat.
I'M SO FUCKING UNHAPPY RIGHT NOW. I'm sorry...I know this is depressing and dramatic, and this is why I chose to write it in my livejournal as opposed to a group email...I have to be able to express myself SOMEWHERE...if not in this goddamn country, over the internet, I suppose.
I just really want to go home. I want my bed and my dog. I want a bowl of cereal or a grilled cheese sandwich. I can't believe I have 9 more weeks to be here.
Not everyday has been like this...I go through phases. Yesterday during the day I was pretty happy...and the day before that I was okay...but last night and today I've just felt like all I want to do is hop on the next flight home. I just wish I was one of those people who can come into a room and instantly become friends with everyone I introduce myself to. I can't do that. At all.
I don't know what to do. I honestly don't know what, if anything, can make this feeling go away. I tried watching tv, I tried walking around the city, I'm trying to internet...and none of it is working. This is one of the worst feelings I think I've ever felt...absolute seclusion and lonliness.
I'm sorry friends, I'm really sorry this is so depressing and long and I haven't hardly said anything about Greece...but I can't. I'll write a group email or something and I'll try to make it sound more cheerful.
I love you all, and if you can email me or message me on myspace or something, just to say hi and remind me that I have friends somewhere in the world...I would greatly appreciate it.
See ya.
I'm so incredibly lonely right now, and I feel like there is a huge void in my stomach. I'm nausious, I don't want to eat, I try to sleep and all I can think about is how sad and lonely I am. I miss having friends...everyone said I'd make friends really quickly and we'd all get to know eachother, yeah I've met people, but I feel like everyone else has made close connections with people and I'm still the awkward girl on the outside looking in. I miss hugs SO much. I miss my house, I miss my mom I miss all my friends, I miss Mike and when I think about how much longer I'm going to go without seeing any of them, I feel like I'm either going to pass out, cry hysterically, or throw up.
Yeah, Greece is pretty amazing. The city is huge, nothing is in english, the ruins are beautiful and so is the landscape (outside the city...the city itself is pretty dirty). I didn't expect the city to be so huge and confusing...and I didn't expect the language barrier to be such an enormous obstacle. We went to the island of Aegina yesterday for a field trip, and it was absolutely gorgeous. The water is a bright, clear blue and the weather was sunny and warm. Today it's rainy and cold and I'm back in the city at an internet cafe. My apartment is cute, it's on the 5th floor and the balcony looks out over one of the busier squares in my neighborhood. I don't really know my roommates very well yet...they're not exactly the kind of girls I would generally hang out with, and I feel like they're getting really close and I'm just on the outside. I've been hanging out a lot with Carly and Jordan and Carly's roommates Meggan and Jenny. They're really sweet, I'm just really bitter and jealous that they all get along so well, and have this amazing marble apartment and I'm stuck with roommates I don't talk to.
I know I said it before, but I miss having friends and being with my friends SO fucking much. It's so hard to not feel like you can be yourself, or talk honestly with anyone because you don't know them very well yet. The only thing I want to do is lay in my bed and cry...which is what I did for about an hour last night before I called Jordan and met up with the girls. I just wish....more than anything in the world...that someone...ANYONE I'm friends with from Eugene...could be here with me right now. I feel like this sadness is hindering me from being able to actually appreciate the culture and the country. All I can think about is how I don't think anyone here likes me, and how badly I wish I could see my mom right now.
I know you probably want to hear more about Greece....but this is seriously all I've been able to think about. When they said culture shock, they fucking meant it.
I'm also really bitter because there's a few girls who came on this trip together...like two friends would apply together and they're living together and they're having this wonderful, relaxing vacation together and here I am, sitting by myself in this goddamn internet cafe just wishing and hoping that my phone will ring and it will be my mom or mike or keir telling me that they're outside and they want to go get a bite to eat.
I'M SO FUCKING UNHAPPY RIGHT NOW. I'm sorry...I know this is depressing and dramatic, and this is why I chose to write it in my livejournal as opposed to a group email...I have to be able to express myself SOMEWHERE...if not in this goddamn country, over the internet, I suppose.
I just really want to go home. I want my bed and my dog. I want a bowl of cereal or a grilled cheese sandwich. I can't believe I have 9 more weeks to be here.
Not everyday has been like this...I go through phases. Yesterday during the day I was pretty happy...and the day before that I was okay...but last night and today I've just felt like all I want to do is hop on the next flight home. I just wish I was one of those people who can come into a room and instantly become friends with everyone I introduce myself to. I can't do that. At all.
I don't know what to do. I honestly don't know what, if anything, can make this feeling go away. I tried watching tv, I tried walking around the city, I'm trying to internet...and none of it is working. This is one of the worst feelings I think I've ever felt...absolute seclusion and lonliness.
I'm sorry friends, I'm really sorry this is so depressing and long and I haven't hardly said anything about Greece...but I can't. I'll write a group email or something and I'll try to make it sound more cheerful.
I love you all, and if you can email me or message me on myspace or something, just to say hi and remind me that I have friends somewhere in the world...I would greatly appreciate it.
See ya.