The Real Issue of The Presidency
With election coming up, and our country on the verge of the greatest decision it has to make, it is important to know where the candidates stand on a number of issues. In the beginning, my issues were basically simple: Attacking Iraq Unprovoked=Bad, Allowing Gays the Right to Marry=Good, Fixing the Economy and Stop Giving Tax Cuts that only Benefit the Fabulously Wealthy=Good. But I have finally become focused on a more important issue that neither of the Major candidates have addressed. I am shocked and dismayed that such an important issue could be ignored, that they would allow the cries of "Terrorists!" to deafen our ears to another threat, one that is much more lethal, and dangerous to our way of life. I am of course speaking of the threat of a virus breaking out, causing the populace to turn into hordes of flesh eating zombies hellbent on shuffling after me with a relentless desire to tear me limb from limb and feast upon my tender vitals. What candidate, I ask you, will keep you safe from the inexorable mass of the walking dead who cannot be killed, as they are no longer alive? Who will manage to stop the world from degenerating to a mass of the undead, haunted by a few fragile survivors who are tormented with visions of the way the world once was, when it was green and fruitful instead a barren place of rotten decay, where centuries of our dead hold sway over all? Unfortunately, neither candidate has brought this important issue to light. They continue to distract us, to use the terrorist boogeyman to make us forget this issue, perhaps the most vital one of any of our times.