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Matt said I should talk to someone close to me about this crap. The thing is....I HATE THEM ALL! They're all mean, rude, and I don't want to talk to them. The only one right now I can talk to and they'll listen is Katelyn and the frickin' phone isn't working. Besides, she's with her family, I don't need to bother her with this crap. She's on VACATION. I can't disturb her! That's rude! She's supposed to be happy! I WANT her to be happy! That's all I want for her. I luvv her like a sister and she doesn't need me to weight her down.
It may seem strange but I can't even hug my family anymore. I'm growing further and further away from them all. I had to be forced to hug my Grandma today, and it wasn't a love hug, it was one just to get them off of my back. And when I say that I love them I really don't mean it. I mean, I CARE for them but now it's just going deeper and deeper into hatred. I'm going downhill. Fast. REALLY fast. I have no one. All I have is myself.
And, even before not being able to hug them, I was afraid too. I'm afraid to get close to anyone. Because, usually, when they reach out to you, it means they're going to hurt you. Then I flinch away. I'm just messed up.
I guess that this journal is working. But...then again. It's not. ^^;; I have to find a way to write this stuff down without anybody finding out. I'm pathetic.
It may seem strange but I can't even hug my family anymore. I'm growing further and further away from them all. I had to be forced to hug my Grandma today, and it wasn't a love hug, it was one just to get them off of my back. And when I say that I love them I really don't mean it. I mean, I CARE for them but now it's just going deeper and deeper into hatred. I'm going downhill. Fast. REALLY fast. I have no one. All I have is myself.
And, even before not being able to hug them, I was afraid too. I'm afraid to get close to anyone. Because, usually, when they reach out to you, it means they're going to hurt you. Then I flinch away. I'm just messed up.
I guess that this journal is working. But...then again. It's not. ^^;; I have to find a way to write this stuff down without anybody finding out. I'm pathetic.