If YoU rEaLlY kNeW mE
if you really knew me you would know how hard i try to make myself happy and how difficult it is. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I've been going to the gym everyday for 6 weeks and i feel nothing is working. I have now stuck to counting calories and i feel like im becoming obsessed. When I was little I use to have signs of OCD and sometimes i can obsess over things. Problem is I know as soon as you start counting the calories it is a matter of time before you keep cutting back and back on the amount you take in and I'm scared to have that happen. I feel like this is a way to control something in my life. Everything that has happened in the past year was out of my control and now this is my way of getting that back. The closer everyone gets to going back to school the sadder I get that I won't be there. I wasted the best four years of my life over some ass who didn't give a shit about me. I'm scared to even come close to any guy. I'm scared to get hurt again. I'm also scared that I'm never going to meet anyone. I try as hard as I can to be strong for my family but I don't want to be alone forever. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I have no friends from home to turn to and it makes it so much harder.