Will it ever just STOP??????
so I am back online thanks to my loving brother, For that I am happy, but what is happiness? f*ck it who cares, I am in a very f*cked up mood right now, I am am really emotional and I dont like it! I seem to do fine all day but as soon as I come home and sit down then my mind starts going. and there is just something going on right now that has me quite depressed. I am all cried out though and it still wont stop. oh well I guess thats just f*ckin life. I am more happy than I have ever been in life and also very depressed. grasp the concept. thats F*cked up! well I guess everything has its ups and downs, and nothing can be perfect, but for once I would just like to be happy with nothing to bring it down. I think I am destined just to be alone and depressed. I am learning to deal with that well though. I guess my standard are just to high in life that i can never be pleased with anything. oh well I set myself up for everything I am dealing with, there is certain things that I just dont want to avoid even though I know I am going to get hurt, F*ck it I give up all together, there is just no point in trying to go for things I just need to be more passive and let things just come to me. but that way, I know i will never get those things that I desire but also hurt me that I enjoy so much. F*ck! I cant win. one day I am on top of the world, and the next the f*cking world colapses. I hope I get out of this mood soon so I can just go on being me. but my luck I will be dealing with this for a while, I can let things go so easy until it comes to my feelings then I'm f*cked. well now that I am done crying and bitching I am going to think for a while to figure out what I want to do with my little situation. goodnight L/J world.
with love
D
with love
D