here we go again
I feel it creeping in on me once again, that inevitable cloud of despair. Back in December I had a lot of things hit me all at once, and it only got worse for 2 months. It was all I could do to pull myself together and face another day with a straight face.
I finally escaped that by just putting one foot in front of another, getting a new job and moving on not thinking about the past. It seems the recent events of the world are helping to bring me down again, aside from the fact that this doesn't seem to be where I belong. Don't get anything wrong, I'm likely to be manager soon if I don't let things get to me. I'm as sucessful as I could hope to be.
I've always felt that it was my calling to help people on some larger scale. Like with new inventions and such, but I've never seen any way to realize that dream. Every path I turn to seems
to lead to a foggy road with no clear destination. So I trod onward hoping to see a path with the answers that I seek.
I don't believe I've ever talked religion with most of you, or many things as that is. I guess I'm generally not the most approachable person in the world usually, but thats just how I was raised. I was raised in a Christian family where I was taken to church 2 or 3 times a week since I was a baby. I realized the truth of everything on my own when I was about 9 or so, and then dedicated myself to christian beliefs. I used to do everything I could to help people, and still try where I can. Its hard to see now where I believed so willingly and with so much faith, at which point I totally became angry with God. Sometime during highschool I not only had tons of bad happen in my own life, but also began to wonder why God never did more than he does. It just seemed that God in all of his infinite power and wisdom just didn't seem to care. So I was angry, turned my back on him hoping to find my own way to help people.
I have since found many of the answers (I dont really have time to write about all of my thoughts right now) after years of searching about the nature of God, but even all considered it still comes down to faith. I've been trying to go back like it was but I know it will never be the same. A large part of my innocence and naivety is gone for good, for better or worse, and its very hard for me to trust anyone anymore. I'm almost certain this is where I must return for things to feel right for me anymore. But I've been having trouble getting back to where I belong with God.
Its time to get back on the right path, everywhere I've been lately seems to be a dead end.
If anyone wants to talk you know where to look me up, I feel all the time that I'm a crappy friend who isn't there like I should be for my friends.
- Even when the answers don't come easily.
I finally escaped that by just putting one foot in front of another, getting a new job and moving on not thinking about the past. It seems the recent events of the world are helping to bring me down again, aside from the fact that this doesn't seem to be where I belong. Don't get anything wrong, I'm likely to be manager soon if I don't let things get to me. I'm as sucessful as I could hope to be.
I've always felt that it was my calling to help people on some larger scale. Like with new inventions and such, but I've never seen any way to realize that dream. Every path I turn to seems
to lead to a foggy road with no clear destination. So I trod onward hoping to see a path with the answers that I seek.
I don't believe I've ever talked religion with most of you, or many things as that is. I guess I'm generally not the most approachable person in the world usually, but thats just how I was raised. I was raised in a Christian family where I was taken to church 2 or 3 times a week since I was a baby. I realized the truth of everything on my own when I was about 9 or so, and then dedicated myself to christian beliefs. I used to do everything I could to help people, and still try where I can. Its hard to see now where I believed so willingly and with so much faith, at which point I totally became angry with God. Sometime during highschool I not only had tons of bad happen in my own life, but also began to wonder why God never did more than he does. It just seemed that God in all of his infinite power and wisdom just didn't seem to care. So I was angry, turned my back on him hoping to find my own way to help people.
I have since found many of the answers (I dont really have time to write about all of my thoughts right now) after years of searching about the nature of God, but even all considered it still comes down to faith. I've been trying to go back like it was but I know it will never be the same. A large part of my innocence and naivety is gone for good, for better or worse, and its very hard for me to trust anyone anymore. I'm almost certain this is where I must return for things to feel right for me anymore. But I've been having trouble getting back to where I belong with God.
Its time to get back on the right path, everywhere I've been lately seems to be a dead end.
If anyone wants to talk you know where to look me up, I feel all the time that I'm a crappy friend who isn't there like I should be for my friends.
- Even when the answers don't come easily.