big on details.
yesterday when the family heard mass i saw an old friend of mine whom i haven't seen for a long time. she is a daughter of one of the couples who together with my parents form a church choir. anyway. i attributed my not seeing her for awhile to the fact that she had gone dancing.
see, she is a year older than me. when she went to college she decided to join a dance troupe. either she loved dancing so much or she just needed the money that's why months later, she stopped studying, and pursued her dancing career. and that was when i stopped seeing her hear mass.
then she was back yesterday. she wasn't able to greet me or vice versa because while she was fervently hearing mass inside the church, i was outside, with my sister and my gay brother, pretending not to be late when in fact we arrived just in time for the communion. that's a different story, so there.
i was supposed to go inside the church and greet her and stuff after the mass. but i didn't. it was probably me being the supladita that i am that was working then. but then the women members of the choir started rounding up on something, and ivy said it was because of a baby. when i reached the van where my dad was at that time, i heard this convo he's having with kuya nas, the infamous favorite driver of mine:
d: "o, may anak na pala si [insert girl's name here]."
k: "oo nga eh."
d: "asan ang tatay non?"
k: "ah, wag na nating pag-usapan yon."
*periwinkle sighs*
i really do get upset and/or disappointed whenever i hear stories like that. young girls, ladies whose lives haven't started yet getting pregnant. i really do.
once i wasn't allowed to go to uplb because that morning, my dad found out that a cousin got herself pregnant. and she is just turning sixteen. and btw, i was well, now that you think about it, i was just nineteen when that happened.
i am disappointed. mali kasi eh. because you love the guy. well you should love yourself more. what about the church's views. and if you believe you're ready, why not protect yourself. napakamura ng protection. i don't know exactly how much but it sure is way cheaper compared to the costs you'd have to worry about when you get yourself pregnant.
being careless, being in the moment. utang na loob. risk the rest of your life [well, not really, because teenage single parents can still go to school and lead normal lives after that anyway - but the point is, life would've been less complicated, more free when kids come at a better time] for a couple of minutes of bliss. na-ah, doesn't work for me.
being rebellious. this reason for me is the hardest to deal with. it hurts the most. andaming forms of rebellion dyan, why this one. and if the baby'd hear that reason i don't think the baby would crown the parents for it. napaka-tsktsk reason.
hay. i'm not being hypocritical. tao lang ako. tao din ako. but the thing is, well, fine. i don't like to have kids of my own. but the other more important thing is, masyado kong mahal ang sarili ko, ang buhay ko, ang trust ng parents ko, just to bring home an unplanned baby. my life is just starting. i have yet to know who i am. i am still incapacitated to be responsible for another life.
see, she is a year older than me. when she went to college she decided to join a dance troupe. either she loved dancing so much or she just needed the money that's why months later, she stopped studying, and pursued her dancing career. and that was when i stopped seeing her hear mass.
then she was back yesterday. she wasn't able to greet me or vice versa because while she was fervently hearing mass inside the church, i was outside, with my sister and my gay brother, pretending not to be late when in fact we arrived just in time for the communion. that's a different story, so there.
i was supposed to go inside the church and greet her and stuff after the mass. but i didn't. it was probably me being the supladita that i am that was working then. but then the women members of the choir started rounding up on something, and ivy said it was because of a baby. when i reached the van where my dad was at that time, i heard this convo he's having with kuya nas, the infamous favorite driver of mine:
d: "o, may anak na pala si [insert girl's name here]."
k: "oo nga eh."
d: "asan ang tatay non?"
k: "ah, wag na nating pag-usapan yon."
*periwinkle sighs*
i really do get upset and/or disappointed whenever i hear stories like that. young girls, ladies whose lives haven't started yet getting pregnant. i really do.
once i wasn't allowed to go to uplb because that morning, my dad found out that a cousin got herself pregnant. and she is just turning sixteen. and btw, i was well, now that you think about it, i was just nineteen when that happened.
i am disappointed. mali kasi eh. because you love the guy. well you should love yourself more. what about the church's views. and if you believe you're ready, why not protect yourself. napakamura ng protection. i don't know exactly how much but it sure is way cheaper compared to the costs you'd have to worry about when you get yourself pregnant.
being careless, being in the moment. utang na loob. risk the rest of your life [well, not really, because teenage single parents can still go to school and lead normal lives after that anyway - but the point is, life would've been less complicated, more free when kids come at a better time] for a couple of minutes of bliss. na-ah, doesn't work for me.
being rebellious. this reason for me is the hardest to deal with. it hurts the most. andaming forms of rebellion dyan, why this one. and if the baby'd hear that reason i don't think the baby would crown the parents for it. napaka-tsktsk reason.
hay. i'm not being hypocritical. tao lang ako. tao din ako. but the thing is, well, fine. i don't like to have kids of my own. but the other more important thing is, masyado kong mahal ang sarili ko, ang buhay ko, ang trust ng parents ko, just to bring home an unplanned baby. my life is just starting. i have yet to know who i am. i am still incapacitated to be responsible for another life.