Expectations & Naïveté
It's amazing how you can have small epiphanies about yourself long after thinking you knew all there was to learn. Being honest I am pretty sure I skipped that time during adolescence and young adulthood where you're supposed to "find yourself" and "get to know yourself" and postponed it until just about now. During the last year or two I have learned more about myself than I ever did during my first 23 years of life. It's an odd thing, to not really know who you are for most of your life. I just built so many different versions of of what people wanted me to be and all of the sudden I was 23 and had no idea which one was the real me. I had to start really looking for my first reactions to things, and sort through my wants and likes and dislikes in order to try and decipher if this one and that were truly me. Finally I now let myself do exactly whatever the fuck I want to do.
Well, back to my diminutive epiphany, I realized today that I expect too much from people. I was never fully aware of just how much I expect them to always do, or say, or act a certain way in situations. It's not that I put pressure on them, not that I know off actually, but I just have this naive faith that they will do the correct thing and no one will get hurt. That's the second thing I realized today, I am the most disgustingly naive 25 year old in existence. I could lie and say "I wish I was different" but I don't. I rather my expectations of life and people be so high even if I crash and burn more often than not. I love that after everything, the world hasn't managed to break me or corrupt me yet and I remain, for the most part, alarmingly innocent. That being said, there are times that I wish I had seen it coming, so I could stop, run the other way and not have to feel like a kid who was just told that Santa wasn't real...disappointed and unquestionably deceived.
Well, back to my diminutive epiphany, I realized today that I expect too much from people. I was never fully aware of just how much I expect them to always do, or say, or act a certain way in situations. It's not that I put pressure on them, not that I know off actually, but I just have this naive faith that they will do the correct thing and no one will get hurt. That's the second thing I realized today, I am the most disgustingly naive 25 year old in existence. I could lie and say "I wish I was different" but I don't. I rather my expectations of life and people be so high even if I crash and burn more often than not. I love that after everything, the world hasn't managed to break me or corrupt me yet and I remain, for the most part, alarmingly innocent. That being said, there are times that I wish I had seen it coming, so I could stop, run the other way and not have to feel like a kid who was just told that Santa wasn't real...disappointed and unquestionably deceived.