sick as a motha fucka
Nothin really intresting has been happenin for me...it really sucks. My girl Kayla just got outta surgery,my ex wont talk to me,my mom is pissed cuz i miss to much school,all my friends think im a herion addict + a whore, and everyone else in this fucking world thinks im either anorexic or have bulimia seeing the fact that i cant stop losing weight. Before summer vacation, i weighed around 140-150lbs...during the summer,i weighed around 130-120lbs....and it kept dropping down, and finally, right now as i am writing this, i weight 109lbs! I did absolutly nothing for this to happen! all i did this summer was party, (seeing the fact that i lived with my older sister Rose who just happens to be 23 on the marvalious beautiful island Martha's Vinyard!wow i miss living there *tear*) so ya, all i did was wake up at 3:30pm, get ready for work, havta be at work at 4:00pm, work all day with a hangover while drinking outta a water bottle that just happened ta be filled with Bacardi ..(hehe) but it was cool seeing the fact that all my managers were druggie's and alchoholics!!!! woohoo great times! anywho...got off work at 11:30pm and be at home at midnight, call my boy Jeff, then he would come down either alone or with some buddies, stay at my house smoking and drinking untill Rose passed out around 2:30am telling me to call and leave a message so she knows where i am in the morning,... fill my back-pack up with beers, leave the house, say bye to all Jeffs except Matt, then walk to Jeff's house which was like right through the woods and down acouple streets, and BOOM! were there, so anyways, we get to Jeff's drink the beer and smoke da tree untill were completly fucked up,then , Matt would leave when me and Jeff started gettin umm..'freaky' (we sometimes forgot Matt was there..lol)anywho-oo, me and Jeff would get all freaky, then sometimes, if it was early enough, he would take me on a special walk, like this one time we walked down to his favorite spot, his "thinking spot" and we would go there alot and talk about the most wonderful things and how he wished i wasnt moving...it made me cry alot. other times he would take me to his "crop" to talk to his "ladies" lol.....then right next door, take me by the hand, tell me to close my eyes, and then said "ok, open" and there stood in front of me was the most beautiful horse iv ever seen! i always told him how i loved horses and he took me to see this horse! it was owned by Matt's family, and it was the most sweetest horse ever! he was standing behind me with his hands in my hoodie pocket whispering sweet nothings into my ear...i miss him sooo much! he made me feel so special! he would drop anyhting to make me happy! he treated me like gold...!!...wow, im tearing up! kk. enough bout that, so we would get back to his house, id call Rose telling her that i was at Jeff's sleepin, she'd go to work around 8:00am and wait for the call telling her i am home, eat alittle bit, and pass back out, then woke up at 3:30, and do the same rutine over again, the only deference is that me and Jeff always did something different,but, we were always fucked up!lol, but as you can see....my summer was full of partying! and i did absolutly nothin to lose the weight! occasionaly when i had a day off, id walk into town, buy a magazine, get a bagel and ice-coffee, and find a cozie place to chill while eating, and i even ate alot of take out, like chinese and pizza...ao, its pretty weird. so, after this summer, i moved back with my mother, and everything got boring, i had no Jeff, no partys every night, it just sucked, then i met Humper, and everything was great...then after 3 great months...we just split! and i went into depression, and still am deppressed!its just so hard to recoperate from something like that!!!! so, my mom thinks im anorexic and i actually think i have a eatin dissorder too! i dont know...somethings wrong with me and i just dont know what...well, im pretty sick and tired of writing, so ima out...ill write some other time....
peace!!
peace!!