Suzanne = a mess
I think I genuinly loath my state of being right now.. it's like no matter what happens, I can't be satisfied. What's even more pathetic is that I'm probably going to spend all night studying, when my intention was to be setting sweet, sweet sailing love with the captain.. and Brett.
Brett is such.. a wonderful, beautiful disaster. I don't think I could explain what it is about him that is keeping me so interested. This isn't like the one I could never have in the palm of my hands.. this is no chase to me. Brett IS all mine. He's so charming.. and just a great guy. He's never kept himself from me, so again, there is no element of a chase in our relationship. Somehow, though, I find myself completely captivated. I feel like a complete fool - he must know that. I have thrown a majority of my relationship inhibitions out the window with him, he's covered me with kisses.. and sweet, sweet words. Promises, smiles, the gentle way he holds me and plays with my hair..
I have that. WHAT AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT?!?!? I'M SO MESSED UP ABOUT HIM I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M COMPLAINING RIGHT!!
WHYYYYYYY does he have to tell me things like 'we make the perfect couple' and just.. I wish he wouldn't kiss me like that unless he MEANS IT like that. Because I lose myself in him. Its not far. Fuck FoCo... seriously.
no.. not foco. Just Brett for not being able to make up his fucking mind.
Fuck me too, for giving in to these games.
okay.. I think I'm just going to go cry now..
There is something missing for me, I don't know if its the committment or not. That shouldn't bother me...
I feel so lost right now - in school, in life, in relationships of every kind (except sarah.. I never have to question that one)
Maybe this melancholy attitude is being brought about by valentine's day. Perhapes thats why I'm choosing to focus on my problems tonight instead of chillin w/the captain.
whatever the case, I'm off to target to get notecards to study with.
Joy, to the world..
Brett is such.. a wonderful, beautiful disaster. I don't think I could explain what it is about him that is keeping me so interested. This isn't like the one I could never have in the palm of my hands.. this is no chase to me. Brett IS all mine. He's so charming.. and just a great guy. He's never kept himself from me, so again, there is no element of a chase in our relationship. Somehow, though, I find myself completely captivated. I feel like a complete fool - he must know that. I have thrown a majority of my relationship inhibitions out the window with him, he's covered me with kisses.. and sweet, sweet words. Promises, smiles, the gentle way he holds me and plays with my hair..
I have that. WHAT AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT?!?!? I'M SO MESSED UP ABOUT HIM I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M COMPLAINING RIGHT!!
WHYYYYYYY does he have to tell me things like 'we make the perfect couple' and just.. I wish he wouldn't kiss me like that unless he MEANS IT like that. Because I lose myself in him. Its not far. Fuck FoCo... seriously.
no.. not foco. Just Brett for not being able to make up his fucking mind.
Fuck me too, for giving in to these games.
okay.. I think I'm just going to go cry now..
There is something missing for me, I don't know if its the committment or not. That shouldn't bother me...
I feel so lost right now - in school, in life, in relationships of every kind (except sarah.. I never have to question that one)
Maybe this melancholy attitude is being brought about by valentine's day. Perhapes thats why I'm choosing to focus on my problems tonight instead of chillin w/the captain.
whatever the case, I'm off to target to get notecards to study with.
Joy, to the world..