FMF - Vol I - 2006
I feel... blank? Desperate? Mad? Depressed? I really don’t know. All I know is that I wanna leave this place and I wanna do it NOW.
I don’t like this job anymore. I used to love it. I used to be happy to be here, to spend my days here, but not anymore. Right now, I feel like leaving this place, closing the door behind me and NEVER come back.
I guess it’s a combination of factors, to put it in a way. I was doing great today. Came to work in the morning, went home to have lunch, take a shower and then I came back. I took a short time to chat with epee_girl and then I came here. Until then, I was doing fine. I was ready to go through some files Vero sent me when I suddenly realized that I had to make some calls: I’m trying to back to college to finish my educations and I had to call some places to see what kind of degrees they had to offer and all.
So I grabbed the phone book, started looking and found a few. There was one I couldn’t find, so I called my sister (she went there) but she didn’t have the number. I tried looking for it in the CD instead of the book, but I still couldn’t find it. I guess then is when it started.
I tried calling to another college: I talked to a girl, but she couldn’t put me through to the person in charge because the line was busy. I tried calling another, and it was a wrong number. You know when frustration kicks in? Some people sends it all to hell and goes on, but I guess I had spent a long time without feeling low and I had to make up for the lost time.
Why does it feel like every time I want to try something, it all goes fucking wrong? I’ve lost the count of how many times I’ve planned something, only to see my plans crumble to pieces around me. Everything, everything I plan, from something very simple to something bigger, like going to a concert, goes wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Maybe it’s not such a big deal. After all, it’s not like I can’t call back and get the information I need. But still, it feels horrible. And being here doesn’t help at all.
I used to say “Well, I do want to leave this place, but I think it’s better to wait for a good offer” Right now, ANYTHING is better than this. I have absolutely no motivation, and this isn’t new. If you ask me, I think I lost motivation when it came to this job at the end of 2004, after two years of working here.
I’m very responsible. I have never skipped work without a good reason: I was either sick, or I had something really important to do. In this month, I’ve skipped work twice. And no, I wasn’t sick. I wish with all my heart to be sick with a flu for a week and not be able to come. Because then I would have an excuse, and wouldn’t feel guilty for doing something so simple as not coming to work one morning because I have to go to the doctor.
I remember that, once, I was supposed to go and pay a bill. It wasn’t even from the institute, it was from my boss’ house. The deadline was something like March 13th, but that morning it rained so much that I said “Well, I’ll got the bank tomorrow.” When my boss came the next day, he made such a big drama out of it that he made me cry, and all because of his bill. What I’m trying to say is this: I have the feeling right now that, no matter how good I’ve accomplished here, how I’ve improved things, how hard I’ve worked, how STUPIDLY I gave up on my life for THREE FUCKING YEARS, I do ONE thing wrong, and all those things I mentioned before don’t count anymore.
Back to the point… I was already feeling depressed right? Then, who called? Yep, my boss. I guess he realized that, in order to have any sort of business, you have to be present, and after a month and hiding, he decided that it was time to come. He’s coming tomorrow.
He was supposed to come last Thursday. He didn’t. Why, I don’t know. He never called. Oh wait, he did. Right when I was at the doctor’s, to tell me that he was coming on Friday. I spent the whole Friday afternoon, until 8PM, waiting for him. He never came. I still don’t know why.
And now he called, to tell me that he is coming tomorrow and to ask if I had done several things he asked me to do. He didn’t like it much when I told him about the bill at the printer’s, and when I told him he had to bring me money to pay it, he ask me “Why didn’t you get the money from the bank?” “Because I never knew there was any money left in the bank!” right there he got moody. I accept it, I really haven’t done much since I started working, but I hate it when he overreacts so much.
When I went to Rosario, he was supposed to take care of January’s bills. That’s another thing… I’m on vacations and I STILL have to go and pay the bills, but I never get any money from it. I guess it’s my fault, I never say no. But back to January, he paid all the bills but one, one of the provincial taxes which bill you have to generate through the computer. He never cared about learning how to do it, he told me to do it. In fact, it wasn’t my obligation to do it - it should be done by an accountant, not by me. As he didn’t know how, he couldn’t do it. Now he expects me to pay it, but he never gave me the money. With the money he gave me for this month’s bill, I barely paid them all. There was no money for January’s Ingresos Brutos. What’s the first thing he tell me? “WHY DIDN’T YOU PAY IT?” “Because you never gave me the money.”
You know what I REALLY hate about it? That the bastard has the fucking NERVE to sound mad over the phone. WHAT IN HELL ARE YOU MAD FOR???????? You don’t give me the money, you don’t call for a whole month, you don’t even show up while you’re in town, and I’m supposed to make MIRACLES????? He does NOTHING. He comes, sits down, gives his lectures and leaves. I have to do everything. I’m the one parents talk to. I’m the one students complain to. I’m the one who has to deal with the teachers. Almost two years ago, he decided that he wouldn’t talk to one of our teachers again because she had the nerve to reproach something to him, and he hasn’t since then. Do you have any idea how the woman feels? He won’t even pay her in person, I have to pay her. But she’s determined to one thing (just like myself): she’s not going to quit. She’s waiting for him to fire her, and then he’ll see what he’s got himself into.
I’m gonna do the same myself. There are only two reasons that keep me here until a find another job: one is that I don’t want to be unemployed and depend on my mum, and two, that I was for him to fire me, so I can sue him for all the irregularities he made during this time. Of course the institute is legal, everything is legal, allowed by any institution you might imagine. That’s good. But he has ALL of the employees (including me) in an illegal way. His brother leaves in an apartment that, according to the city’s laws, should be inhabited. If I did as much as go to the town hall and ask for a third inspection, this place would go down like the damn Titanic. If I don’t do it, it’ because I’m still working here. But I’m beginning to think that, even if I resign, I still have the right to sue him for never legalizing my situation as an employee and for all the other things he didn’t do, but was supposed to do as the owner of this place. I don’t care that my sister and his wife are good friends. Not anymore. I told that to my brother-in-law a while ago: I don’t care if they’re involved. This is me, about me, and about him. If I have to sue him and have him selling this place, his car, his house, EVERYTHING to pay what he should have paid me all this time, I will. And I will have absolutely NO regrets. As simple as that. Call me a bitch if you want, but I’m tired of being nice. I’m tired of no one every respecting the law in this country, especially when I’m involved and a direct victim.
As I said before, tomorrow he’ll come. Let him come. I’ll be waiting for him to do as much as to tell me off for something I didn’t do. I’ll tell him that this is as much as I can do. You don’t like it? Fire me. But you better face the consequences later.
You know, I was really depressed when I started typing this, but now I’m mad. And I feel better. I take it as it was good to let it all out. LOL
I don’t like this job anymore. I used to love it. I used to be happy to be here, to spend my days here, but not anymore. Right now, I feel like leaving this place, closing the door behind me and NEVER come back.
I guess it’s a combination of factors, to put it in a way. I was doing great today. Came to work in the morning, went home to have lunch, take a shower and then I came back. I took a short time to chat with epee_girl and then I came here. Until then, I was doing fine. I was ready to go through some files Vero sent me when I suddenly realized that I had to make some calls: I’m trying to back to college to finish my educations and I had to call some places to see what kind of degrees they had to offer and all.
So I grabbed the phone book, started looking and found a few. There was one I couldn’t find, so I called my sister (she went there) but she didn’t have the number. I tried looking for it in the CD instead of the book, but I still couldn’t find it. I guess then is when it started.
I tried calling to another college: I talked to a girl, but she couldn’t put me through to the person in charge because the line was busy. I tried calling another, and it was a wrong number. You know when frustration kicks in? Some people sends it all to hell and goes on, but I guess I had spent a long time without feeling low and I had to make up for the lost time.
Why does it feel like every time I want to try something, it all goes fucking wrong? I’ve lost the count of how many times I’ve planned something, only to see my plans crumble to pieces around me. Everything, everything I plan, from something very simple to something bigger, like going to a concert, goes wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Maybe it’s not such a big deal. After all, it’s not like I can’t call back and get the information I need. But still, it feels horrible. And being here doesn’t help at all.
I used to say “Well, I do want to leave this place, but I think it’s better to wait for a good offer” Right now, ANYTHING is better than this. I have absolutely no motivation, and this isn’t new. If you ask me, I think I lost motivation when it came to this job at the end of 2004, after two years of working here.
I’m very responsible. I have never skipped work without a good reason: I was either sick, or I had something really important to do. In this month, I’ve skipped work twice. And no, I wasn’t sick. I wish with all my heart to be sick with a flu for a week and not be able to come. Because then I would have an excuse, and wouldn’t feel guilty for doing something so simple as not coming to work one morning because I have to go to the doctor.
I remember that, once, I was supposed to go and pay a bill. It wasn’t even from the institute, it was from my boss’ house. The deadline was something like March 13th, but that morning it rained so much that I said “Well, I’ll got the bank tomorrow.” When my boss came the next day, he made such a big drama out of it that he made me cry, and all because of his bill. What I’m trying to say is this: I have the feeling right now that, no matter how good I’ve accomplished here, how I’ve improved things, how hard I’ve worked, how STUPIDLY I gave up on my life for THREE FUCKING YEARS, I do ONE thing wrong, and all those things I mentioned before don’t count anymore.
Back to the point… I was already feeling depressed right? Then, who called? Yep, my boss. I guess he realized that, in order to have any sort of business, you have to be present, and after a month and hiding, he decided that it was time to come. He’s coming tomorrow.
He was supposed to come last Thursday. He didn’t. Why, I don’t know. He never called. Oh wait, he did. Right when I was at the doctor’s, to tell me that he was coming on Friday. I spent the whole Friday afternoon, until 8PM, waiting for him. He never came. I still don’t know why.
And now he called, to tell me that he is coming tomorrow and to ask if I had done several things he asked me to do. He didn’t like it much when I told him about the bill at the printer’s, and when I told him he had to bring me money to pay it, he ask me “Why didn’t you get the money from the bank?” “Because I never knew there was any money left in the bank!” right there he got moody. I accept it, I really haven’t done much since I started working, but I hate it when he overreacts so much.
When I went to Rosario, he was supposed to take care of January’s bills. That’s another thing… I’m on vacations and I STILL have to go and pay the bills, but I never get any money from it. I guess it’s my fault, I never say no. But back to January, he paid all the bills but one, one of the provincial taxes which bill you have to generate through the computer. He never cared about learning how to do it, he told me to do it. In fact, it wasn’t my obligation to do it - it should be done by an accountant, not by me. As he didn’t know how, he couldn’t do it. Now he expects me to pay it, but he never gave me the money. With the money he gave me for this month’s bill, I barely paid them all. There was no money for January’s Ingresos Brutos. What’s the first thing he tell me? “WHY DIDN’T YOU PAY IT?” “Because you never gave me the money.”
You know what I REALLY hate about it? That the bastard has the fucking NERVE to sound mad over the phone. WHAT IN HELL ARE YOU MAD FOR???????? You don’t give me the money, you don’t call for a whole month, you don’t even show up while you’re in town, and I’m supposed to make MIRACLES????? He does NOTHING. He comes, sits down, gives his lectures and leaves. I have to do everything. I’m the one parents talk to. I’m the one students complain to. I’m the one who has to deal with the teachers. Almost two years ago, he decided that he wouldn’t talk to one of our teachers again because she had the nerve to reproach something to him, and he hasn’t since then. Do you have any idea how the woman feels? He won’t even pay her in person, I have to pay her. But she’s determined to one thing (just like myself): she’s not going to quit. She’s waiting for him to fire her, and then he’ll see what he’s got himself into.
I’m gonna do the same myself. There are only two reasons that keep me here until a find another job: one is that I don’t want to be unemployed and depend on my mum, and two, that I was for him to fire me, so I can sue him for all the irregularities he made during this time. Of course the institute is legal, everything is legal, allowed by any institution you might imagine. That’s good. But he has ALL of the employees (including me) in an illegal way. His brother leaves in an apartment that, according to the city’s laws, should be inhabited. If I did as much as go to the town hall and ask for a third inspection, this place would go down like the damn Titanic. If I don’t do it, it’ because I’m still working here. But I’m beginning to think that, even if I resign, I still have the right to sue him for never legalizing my situation as an employee and for all the other things he didn’t do, but was supposed to do as the owner of this place. I don’t care that my sister and his wife are good friends. Not anymore. I told that to my brother-in-law a while ago: I don’t care if they’re involved. This is me, about me, and about him. If I have to sue him and have him selling this place, his car, his house, EVERYTHING to pay what he should have paid me all this time, I will. And I will have absolutely NO regrets. As simple as that. Call me a bitch if you want, but I’m tired of being nice. I’m tired of no one every respecting the law in this country, especially when I’m involved and a direct victim.
As I said before, tomorrow he’ll come. Let him come. I’ll be waiting for him to do as much as to tell me off for something I didn’t do. I’ll tell him that this is as much as I can do. You don’t like it? Fire me. But you better face the consequences later.
You know, I was really depressed when I started typing this, but now I’m mad. And I feel better. I take it as it was good to let it all out. LOL