^_^
So I said I'd come back here and write yesterday and I'm doing it now. It took me some time to organise myself as I'm feeling very lazy not having to study for an exam anymore. :) It went fine by the way. I was lucky enough to get two of the questions/topics that I actually liked and understood and got an A. The study process in itself was very tortuous though as the material was more than a little complicated and managed to drive me crazy and desperate towards the end, but I prevailed and that's all that matters! ^_^ No more exams for a while now. I'm so happy!
Anyway, I think it's best to start with yet another "what I've been up to" post before I get down to writing my thoughts about family here. It's been a while since I last wrote anything here. There were a few times after my last post in April that I wanted to write something, but it was mostly sad and/or angry stuff and I stopped myself. There's enough of that already. And that despite the fact that I wanted to keep this journal "angst-free". I needed a place to vent at the time, however, and this was as good as any so this journal gets to have an angsty part. Makes it a little more interesting probably. More realistic too. No-one's always happy. :)
On the subject, I bet you(if anyone still's checking this place, I know you're very few) are wondering what the hell happened and if I kept my word and told the girl I love about my feelings for her. I did! I'm very proud! ^_^ I was scared, but I still did it. And it turned out not to be scary at all in the end. She was totally fine with it and I think we're even closer than we were before now. I'm so very very happy! You needn't worry about me anymore. It's totally awesome to be in love with someone and not reproach yourself about it by the way. To finally allow yourself to just feel whatever you feel and go with the flow. It's liberating and wonderful. :) What's even more wonderful is that the other person knows about it and doesn't seem to mind. I'm having an argument with my brain for coming up with such dark and unlikely scenarios about this whole business' outcome at the moment. My heart and intuition somehow always knew that there was no way these things would ever happen. If there was I wouldn't be in love with this girl in the first place. My brain can be very stupid at times. It's a good thing I follow my heart too and generally listen to my inner voice to guide me no matter what said brain says. As I've probably said here before - I may not be lucky in love, but I damn well have great taste! No, I've never been modest. And yes, I can go as far as to say that I have the best taste when it comes to the people I fall in love with in my whole family. They do fine in the luck department, but I'm the one who ends up falling in love with the truly exceptional one. If it's not readily apparent, yes, I'm now even more in love than ever. It still amazes me, but that's the way it is. I fall deeper and deeper in love rather than otherwise. And you know what? I'm so insanely happy right now that I wouldn't mind staying in love with this girl forever. Doesn't matter if it's unrequited or not. Firstly, I can't really imagine falling in love with someone else. I realised that sometime in April. It made me sad then, but it doesn't make me sad anymore. You see, I tend to get worried when I can't imagine something as my imagination is practically limitless. Like I said though, I'm not worried. I'm happy. :) Secondly, I had an epiphany this morning. It occured to me that I'm feeling the way I felt after I had gotten over my two unrequited loves now and I'm still in love! If that's not awesome, then I don't know what is! The moral of the story is that I really shouldn't moan and groan and argue with God so much each time I'm feeling down. It always turns out that He/She knows what He/She's doing and it's all been for the best. I can't seem to be able to help the moaning and groaning though. I hate being in pain. But then again who likes that(masochists aside)?
The most important thing aside, I've been up to the usual stuff - theatre, opera, ballet, walks around with and without friends, music, fanfiction, movies, TV shows, you know the drill. I've been having a good time on the whole trying to dispell my depression and after my confession on June 25 I've been having a grand time! I don't think I can remember a time when I've been this happy... I don't need that much to be happy in the end. I'm not a high maintainance person. Just getting to hold the hand of the person I love can keep me happy for hours and bring a smile to my face for days and even weeks afterwards. It may seem like a small thing, but it's magical for me. Then again just being with the loved one, we don't need to do something special or even talk, is magical and wonderful for me. It's just the way I see and experience things. I happen to love this particular characteristic of mine. When it doesn't lead to depression that is. But it's inescapable, you have to have both sides of the coin after all. You can't get only the positive one. In the end it's totally worth it. :)
Anyway, I think it's best to start with yet another "what I've been up to" post before I get down to writing my thoughts about family here. It's been a while since I last wrote anything here. There were a few times after my last post in April that I wanted to write something, but it was mostly sad and/or angry stuff and I stopped myself. There's enough of that already. And that despite the fact that I wanted to keep this journal "angst-free". I needed a place to vent at the time, however, and this was as good as any so this journal gets to have an angsty part. Makes it a little more interesting probably. More realistic too. No-one's always happy. :)
On the subject, I bet you(if anyone still's checking this place, I know you're very few) are wondering what the hell happened and if I kept my word and told the girl I love about my feelings for her. I did! I'm very proud! ^_^ I was scared, but I still did it. And it turned out not to be scary at all in the end. She was totally fine with it and I think we're even closer than we were before now. I'm so very very happy! You needn't worry about me anymore. It's totally awesome to be in love with someone and not reproach yourself about it by the way. To finally allow yourself to just feel whatever you feel and go with the flow. It's liberating and wonderful. :) What's even more wonderful is that the other person knows about it and doesn't seem to mind. I'm having an argument with my brain for coming up with such dark and unlikely scenarios about this whole business' outcome at the moment. My heart and intuition somehow always knew that there was no way these things would ever happen. If there was I wouldn't be in love with this girl in the first place. My brain can be very stupid at times. It's a good thing I follow my heart too and generally listen to my inner voice to guide me no matter what said brain says. As I've probably said here before - I may not be lucky in love, but I damn well have great taste! No, I've never been modest. And yes, I can go as far as to say that I have the best taste when it comes to the people I fall in love with in my whole family. They do fine in the luck department, but I'm the one who ends up falling in love with the truly exceptional one. If it's not readily apparent, yes, I'm now even more in love than ever. It still amazes me, but that's the way it is. I fall deeper and deeper in love rather than otherwise. And you know what? I'm so insanely happy right now that I wouldn't mind staying in love with this girl forever. Doesn't matter if it's unrequited or not. Firstly, I can't really imagine falling in love with someone else. I realised that sometime in April. It made me sad then, but it doesn't make me sad anymore. You see, I tend to get worried when I can't imagine something as my imagination is practically limitless. Like I said though, I'm not worried. I'm happy. :) Secondly, I had an epiphany this morning. It occured to me that I'm feeling the way I felt after I had gotten over my two unrequited loves now and I'm still in love! If that's not awesome, then I don't know what is! The moral of the story is that I really shouldn't moan and groan and argue with God so much each time I'm feeling down. It always turns out that He/She knows what He/She's doing and it's all been for the best. I can't seem to be able to help the moaning and groaning though. I hate being in pain. But then again who likes that(masochists aside)?
The most important thing aside, I've been up to the usual stuff - theatre, opera, ballet, walks around with and without friends, music, fanfiction, movies, TV shows, you know the drill. I've been having a good time on the whole trying to dispell my depression and after my confession on June 25 I've been having a grand time! I don't think I can remember a time when I've been this happy... I don't need that much to be happy in the end. I'm not a high maintainance person. Just getting to hold the hand of the person I love can keep me happy for hours and bring a smile to my face for days and even weeks afterwards. It may seem like a small thing, but it's magical for me. Then again just being with the loved one, we don't need to do something special or even talk, is magical and wonderful for me. It's just the way I see and experience things. I happen to love this particular characteristic of mine. When it doesn't lead to depression that is. But it's inescapable, you have to have both sides of the coin after all. You can't get only the positive one. In the end it's totally worth it. :)