(no subject)
Tonight was long. I was/am pretty deep in thought. This =bothered/unhappy. Ness came into Laure/Ev's room with her guitar and I was immensely happy to see her. Ev came home from martial arts and I was happy to see her too. She brought me Moo. I adore Moo and Ev.
I've been talking to andy for several hours on webcam. I can't count the number of times he's made me laugh out loud tonight... That was both really needed and fabulous. Sometimes I wonder what I would do without these people.
I think I might sleep in Laure's bed tonight. Ev's in here and that's just comforting.
Didn't get much work done this weekend. Did well on a Spanish test. Ridiculously stressful/busy week ahead.
I feel that it'd be really nice to have a weekend where I can just relax... A weekend that feels like an actual weekend. It seems the weekends have been as crazy as the weeks lately... so much time at the hospital, missing the trip to montreal..and I feel guilty about trying to catch a breath. Without down time to just relax everything builds up. It's just no good. As odd as it is, my knee took alot out of me. The frustrations of not being able to run things off or just move around- simply walk down the hall. Fortunately my knee is getting better now.
I had planned on getting up early to start working today, but last night one of my friends was in trouble and needed help so I was with her until 5am or so. Sometimes, you just have to put other things first.
Dad hasn't called in a long time. I think perhaps he may still be away. I feel badly because I love my dad to pieces, but it almost scares me when I think of him calling because I don't want to 'fail him'. There's a lot of pressure, and last semester was a shot at my confidence level in more ways than one, which kind of all shot at each other and in turn affected ME in more ways than one. It's not like that now, but I still feel this yucky feeling of "what if..." and it makes me afraid to talk to him. But i wonder where he is and why he hasn't called. I miss him.
Oh dear... I just looked at andy's convo and he's holding a card in his mouth that says something very sweet. Oh andy... *shakes head*.
Anyway, people are breaking up here. General sadness, although everyone manages to keep the smiles on and joke's a' comin'. You wouldn't even know if you didn't focus on it. It just occured to me 5/6 of the people I hung out alot with last night were going through really rough times what with breakups and things of the equivalent and worse. Again, looking at the pictures, you'd never know. The older you get it seems the easier it is to hide these things. I had a good time. I think we all did. It was nice to just play for a bit. It was kind of like Halloween. I brought my speakers into Mikey's room and we danced for awhile- Yay for being able to dance again! My leg's getting so much better so fast.
I'm currently sitting in the dark in ev's room listening to music. I should be in bed, but that's one step closer to waking up to the ridiculous day ahead and I have lots on my mind. *Shudders at the thought of how much must get done tomorrow*.
I feel so stuck right now; an inability to fix things I wish I could just fix. It feels like nothing connects to make sense. Unfortunately things go far deeper than they present themselves on the surface.
My uncle always says, "this too shall pass." Sometimes I'm scared it's not true. But he's a smart man.
Well. This just isn't a holly jolly entry of an LJ is it. Serves me right for righting at 2am. Good god- "righting". Someone is far too exhausted for this! With that I am off.
I'm very lucky for so many of the people in my life. If I am sure of one thing, it is that. I hope everyone is feeling okay tonight.
Good night all, sweetest of dreams,
love natalie
ps. Huge good luck to my younger sibling on his precal exam. And hello/miss you to other sibling.
Going home soon:)
pps. I've discovered I actually LIKE Avril Lavigne's music. I know most people make fun of her alot, but it always seems that without realizing it's her I really relate to/like the sound of the music alot.
I've been talking to andy for several hours on webcam. I can't count the number of times he's made me laugh out loud tonight... That was both really needed and fabulous. Sometimes I wonder what I would do without these people.
I think I might sleep in Laure's bed tonight. Ev's in here and that's just comforting.
Didn't get much work done this weekend. Did well on a Spanish test. Ridiculously stressful/busy week ahead.
I feel that it'd be really nice to have a weekend where I can just relax... A weekend that feels like an actual weekend. It seems the weekends have been as crazy as the weeks lately... so much time at the hospital, missing the trip to montreal..and I feel guilty about trying to catch a breath. Without down time to just relax everything builds up. It's just no good. As odd as it is, my knee took alot out of me. The frustrations of not being able to run things off or just move around- simply walk down the hall. Fortunately my knee is getting better now.
I had planned on getting up early to start working today, but last night one of my friends was in trouble and needed help so I was with her until 5am or so. Sometimes, you just have to put other things first.
Dad hasn't called in a long time. I think perhaps he may still be away. I feel badly because I love my dad to pieces, but it almost scares me when I think of him calling because I don't want to 'fail him'. There's a lot of pressure, and last semester was a shot at my confidence level in more ways than one, which kind of all shot at each other and in turn affected ME in more ways than one. It's not like that now, but I still feel this yucky feeling of "what if..." and it makes me afraid to talk to him. But i wonder where he is and why he hasn't called. I miss him.
Oh dear... I just looked at andy's convo and he's holding a card in his mouth that says something very sweet. Oh andy... *shakes head*.
Anyway, people are breaking up here. General sadness, although everyone manages to keep the smiles on and joke's a' comin'. You wouldn't even know if you didn't focus on it. It just occured to me 5/6 of the people I hung out alot with last night were going through really rough times what with breakups and things of the equivalent and worse. Again, looking at the pictures, you'd never know. The older you get it seems the easier it is to hide these things. I had a good time. I think we all did. It was nice to just play for a bit. It was kind of like Halloween. I brought my speakers into Mikey's room and we danced for awhile- Yay for being able to dance again! My leg's getting so much better so fast.
I'm currently sitting in the dark in ev's room listening to music. I should be in bed, but that's one step closer to waking up to the ridiculous day ahead and I have lots on my mind. *Shudders at the thought of how much must get done tomorrow*.
I feel so stuck right now; an inability to fix things I wish I could just fix. It feels like nothing connects to make sense. Unfortunately things go far deeper than they present themselves on the surface.
My uncle always says, "this too shall pass." Sometimes I'm scared it's not true. But he's a smart man.
Well. This just isn't a holly jolly entry of an LJ is it. Serves me right for righting at 2am. Good god- "righting". Someone is far too exhausted for this! With that I am off.
I'm very lucky for so many of the people in my life. If I am sure of one thing, it is that. I hope everyone is feeling okay tonight.
Good night all, sweetest of dreams,
love natalie
ps. Huge good luck to my younger sibling on his precal exam. And hello/miss you to other sibling.
Going home soon:)
pps. I've discovered I actually LIKE Avril Lavigne's music. I know most people make fun of her alot, but it always seems that without realizing it's her I really relate to/like the sound of the music alot.