(no subject)
AK! AHK! mmmmm ak...
im really not in the mood for sleeping. im kinda hyper. shit. tomorrow is monday fked fcuked fooked.
see this is what happens when i discover the l word episodes on you tube. terrible terrible terrible. what a glorious glorious waste of time.
im sposed to be able to do shit all on mondays but ive got the feeling im going to get a phone call from someone im not even sure ive ever properly met cos i agreed to do their concert prac. fkuked and a mahalf. ahhh sheeaart.
its raining which usually puts me in a sleepy kinda mood but its also one of those too hot to be properly comfortable nights which usually means i don't sleep for a while. hows about i turn the big light out. good idea. k hang a sec (that was internal dialogue btw)
rightio im back. im pyjama-ed, tooth brushed and i got a dimmed light on. im a little bit calmer. i should probably shut this thing down and try to sleep...stick on some sleepy type music at the very least.
hey tonight dad made pizza at like 11:00. it was kinda fun. he did it cos bob said he wanted some pizza so me dad and bob had home made pizza at 11. everyone else was in bed. as i said it was kinda fun. dad doesn't normally do stuff like that well he hasnt for ages where ive been involved anyway. food is usually treated seriously as is bed time. it was kind of....dare i say it....a nice moment
i started a journal kind of a thing today. like an actual physical journal. ive been thinking bout doing one for a while and i bought a book for it on thursday. its for a bunch of reasons. i want to look back and remember stuff. i want to remember where i was at. i also want another creative outlet. i like words and pictures. it sounds simple like a kids home reader when i put it like that but i see writing as a creative thing and i also like cutting stuff up and collaging. the other day i also had an incredible urge to pour my soul into something. i spose its similar to what i thought i needed when i started this but i really like hand writing stuff. blank pages and inky pens that kind of thing and i dont really tell everything to anyone and i just felt i needed to get everything out. the other reason for the journal is cos i have been reading a lot of zines and i got all inspired. i found a queer zine archive site www.qzap.org. its incredible. some of the stuff on their really got me thinking and some of it made me feel not so alone. it was just good. so i decided i wanted to create a zine. this journal i think is going to have zine like parts. well thats the plan anyway. its kind of going to be about me and for me though. maybe if i find something important to say or if some of its worth sharing i'll get some parts and stick em together and make a zine out of it. that'd be kinda cool but at the moment its just for me. so far the first page has the reciept for the book glued onto it. the second page is addressed to the reader (i'll come back to that) and the next bit is a big day out double spread. it looks alrite i reckon. i used the free booklet thing we got there and ripped up the pages and stuck em down. i glued in my ticket, my 18+ wristband, the map and the timetable over the top. i made it so that in the ripped up bits the info bout the acts i saw were kind of on top and readable. see i collect shit that vaguely means something or looks cool or whatever and it just sits around. now i have somewhere to glue my stuff. like movie and concert tickets and things from magazines that got me thinking or drawing or just looked good. ANYWAY back to the reader thing i figure that all journals get read by people that aren't sposed to read them. its one of those things that i hate cos i have all these little notebooks from breakdown moments or poetic moments or drunken nights by myself. i carry one with me most of the time but i have quite a few going at once. there are a lot of things in those that if read properly would raise and answer a few questions. the one i was writing in when i came out to myself (sort of) i made pretty much illegible on purpose and quite cryptic but it would still definately provoke a "chat" if my parents got a hold of it. yeah so anyway the second page starts out with dear reader. i figure that anyone who reads someone elses diary like that (these online ones a a bit different) are hoping they'll find something juicy so it says something along the lines of im pregnant, i do coke, i like male prostitutes and i did ya mum but im in love with you. see i like to be helpful. they dont have to search through my mundane crap and magazine scraps to find something entertaining and spreadable. anyway so i won't really be able to be 100% honest and open in there cos i'll be scared someone will read it but i think i'll enjoy it. but yeah i'll still write stuff that should be unkown to everyone i know in here probably under friends only entries cos im paranoid. ive stopped writing in here as frequently anyway. since ive started back at college ive not had the urge to write much cos ive been busy and tired and trying to deal with routine again and it just hasn't happened. well i guess i should stop stop stop now and SLEEP!
AK! note to self: no more l word and pizza before bed
im really not in the mood for sleeping. im kinda hyper. shit. tomorrow is monday fked fcuked fooked.
see this is what happens when i discover the l word episodes on you tube. terrible terrible terrible. what a glorious glorious waste of time.
im sposed to be able to do shit all on mondays but ive got the feeling im going to get a phone call from someone im not even sure ive ever properly met cos i agreed to do their concert prac. fkuked and a mahalf. ahhh sheeaart.
its raining which usually puts me in a sleepy kinda mood but its also one of those too hot to be properly comfortable nights which usually means i don't sleep for a while. hows about i turn the big light out. good idea. k hang a sec (that was internal dialogue btw)
rightio im back. im pyjama-ed, tooth brushed and i got a dimmed light on. im a little bit calmer. i should probably shut this thing down and try to sleep...stick on some sleepy type music at the very least.
hey tonight dad made pizza at like 11:00. it was kinda fun. he did it cos bob said he wanted some pizza so me dad and bob had home made pizza at 11. everyone else was in bed. as i said it was kinda fun. dad doesn't normally do stuff like that well he hasnt for ages where ive been involved anyway. food is usually treated seriously as is bed time. it was kind of....dare i say it....a nice moment
i started a journal kind of a thing today. like an actual physical journal. ive been thinking bout doing one for a while and i bought a book for it on thursday. its for a bunch of reasons. i want to look back and remember stuff. i want to remember where i was at. i also want another creative outlet. i like words and pictures. it sounds simple like a kids home reader when i put it like that but i see writing as a creative thing and i also like cutting stuff up and collaging. the other day i also had an incredible urge to pour my soul into something. i spose its similar to what i thought i needed when i started this but i really like hand writing stuff. blank pages and inky pens that kind of thing and i dont really tell everything to anyone and i just felt i needed to get everything out. the other reason for the journal is cos i have been reading a lot of zines and i got all inspired. i found a queer zine archive site www.qzap.org. its incredible. some of the stuff on their really got me thinking and some of it made me feel not so alone. it was just good. so i decided i wanted to create a zine. this journal i think is going to have zine like parts. well thats the plan anyway. its kind of going to be about me and for me though. maybe if i find something important to say or if some of its worth sharing i'll get some parts and stick em together and make a zine out of it. that'd be kinda cool but at the moment its just for me. so far the first page has the reciept for the book glued onto it. the second page is addressed to the reader (i'll come back to that) and the next bit is a big day out double spread. it looks alrite i reckon. i used the free booklet thing we got there and ripped up the pages and stuck em down. i glued in my ticket, my 18+ wristband, the map and the timetable over the top. i made it so that in the ripped up bits the info bout the acts i saw were kind of on top and readable. see i collect shit that vaguely means something or looks cool or whatever and it just sits around. now i have somewhere to glue my stuff. like movie and concert tickets and things from magazines that got me thinking or drawing or just looked good. ANYWAY back to the reader thing i figure that all journals get read by people that aren't sposed to read them. its one of those things that i hate cos i have all these little notebooks from breakdown moments or poetic moments or drunken nights by myself. i carry one with me most of the time but i have quite a few going at once. there are a lot of things in those that if read properly would raise and answer a few questions. the one i was writing in when i came out to myself (sort of) i made pretty much illegible on purpose and quite cryptic but it would still definately provoke a "chat" if my parents got a hold of it. yeah so anyway the second page starts out with dear reader. i figure that anyone who reads someone elses diary like that (these online ones a a bit different) are hoping they'll find something juicy so it says something along the lines of im pregnant, i do coke, i like male prostitutes and i did ya mum but im in love with you. see i like to be helpful. they dont have to search through my mundane crap and magazine scraps to find something entertaining and spreadable. anyway so i won't really be able to be 100% honest and open in there cos i'll be scared someone will read it but i think i'll enjoy it. but yeah i'll still write stuff that should be unkown to everyone i know in here probably under friends only entries cos im paranoid. ive stopped writing in here as frequently anyway. since ive started back at college ive not had the urge to write much cos ive been busy and tired and trying to deal with routine again and it just hasn't happened. well i guess i should stop stop stop now and SLEEP!
AK! note to self: no more l word and pizza before bed