Frozen Tears Chapter 2
Okay so for some reason I only just realized that after all of this time I have never posted Chapter 2 yet! How terrible am I!? ...Very...
Aish, but yesh yesh, here it is for you all, chapter 2!
I slowly lowered my hand and scooped up a handful of snow by his grave, only to hold it in midair to let the wind blow it away from me. Quickly brushing my hair from my eyes, I kneeled down in front of his tombstone and used my bare hands to brush away all of the snow that was covering his area. My vision blurred as his engraved name came into sight. I couldn't bear to see his name carved into a piece of rock to show that he was no longer here. But then...I also couldn't stand being away from him. Slowly my frost bitten fingers traced a line down the side of the words that were written there. Everything just had to go by so fast. Why? Why did it have to disappear in the blink of an eye? I swallowed what was left of the lump in my throat and placed my forehead down on the tombstone, letting out puffs of air through my mouth and letting my hair fall as a curtain to hide the pain clearly written on my face.
"Yunho~ ah..." I whispered quietly while my hands once again dug into the snow. This time, I was searching underneath the untouched layer of coldness to find something that I buried here on the day of his death, that I tried to never think of again. But with all of the things that are going by without him here...I couldn't stop myself from mindlessly walking towards this place. This place of...
Suddenly I heard a noise, making me look up immediately. Through the thick layers of snow falling from the heartbroken skies, I couldn't see the person's face. Even without the snow I wouldn't have been able to find out who they were anyway. But to my shock, I realized who that person's shape and figure looked exactly like. I was sure. I was so sure this time, that it wasn't Yoochun or anybody else. Especially when they ran away the instant I looked up at them, as if afraid that I would find out whom they were. If they would have stayed there and calmly walked elsewhere, I wouldn't have felt such a need to get up immediately. But....but their vibe....their aura....it was him. I knew it was. It wasn't a hallucination this time. I was so sure. Quickly chasing after, I tripped on something and fell down, losing them to the thick trees of the forest.
"W--wait", I called out, my throat raspy and dry. But they gave no response and fled from me, from my sight. With an angry punch into the snow, I looked at my foot to see what would have made me lose my chance for answers. Any answers at all. Why did I have to lose my chance again, just as all times? I was so sure that this wasn't my imagination. How did I know? Because my imaginations never let him run away from me like that. Silently, I sat up and pulled out the something from below my foot. At first it was so covered in snow, and so unrecognizable that I could only frown while I carefully dusted it off from the white flakes that were continuously falling. My heart stopped its beating when I saw that it was what I was looking for only a few minutes ago. His glasses.......Yunho's pair of black rimmed glasses that were supposed to be by his grave. But why was it over here?.....I remembered so clearly that I buried it in the snow right next to a large bouquet of flowers that my mom set down in a vase. I looked up at where the forest was and saw nothing. Nada. Even the snow that I was sitting on earlier seemed so untouched and forgotten. So much that I never would have expected someone there. I blew the last bit of snow off of the glasses and saw that they were broken now. The glass on the right side had a crack in it, threatening to break into little pieces if anything was to touch them with the least bit of strength.
For awhile I sat there staring at them, the glasses, looking and looking as if something would happen to mend the glasses that were now almost as broken as my own heart. But no. Miracles stopped existing since the day of Yunho's death. Or rather....the day of Yunho's birthday too.
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I couldn't wait. I was excited. I was bouncy. Heck, nobody could beat me in happiness now, for I was at my highest point in happiness and the most excited person that you would ever lay eyes on that very day. I grabbed the present from my desk and prepared to give it to him later for his birthday. It was a watch. I knew that he would be sure to like it since he kept staring at it with a hint of sadness whenever we walked by the jewelry store. Though I couldn't get enough money to have the shop engrave both of our names on it, I let his name go in the middle of the watch with the arrows ticking away while my name was stuck on a piece of tape and written in marker to show that it was the present I gave him. A present he got from me and nobody else. But a part of me wondered if he would simply peel it off out of annoyance. Then again, as long as he liked the watch, it didn't really even matter to me. My Yunnie deserved something like this. Especially since his birthday only comes once a year.
Quickly I grabbed my bag and ran down the steps after stuffing the present in. I couldn't wait to see his excitement when he opened this present. To my surprise, he was standing right there with a grin to show me that he too, was ready. Now all we had to do was to wait for our parents to hurry up. Of course, we weren't just gonna go anywhere. For Yunnie's birthday, we were all going to go to Gwangju so that they could once again see their hometown--Yunho's birthplace. I couldn't help myself after looking around for people and lunged myself at him with a huge bear hug, catching him by surprise. He laughed, nevertheless, at my actions and wrapped his arms back around me with a last chuckle, then let me down. I couldn't contain myself. I had never, in all of my life, been away from home before. The thought of going on a trip to somewhere out of Seoul excited me almost as much as the thought of celebrating Yunho's birthday. Nothing could have gone wrong, I thought.
At first, I was right. Everything seemed to go our way while he secretly placed a book bag in between us. It wasn't for space or anything. In fact, the book bag in between was so that we could be closer. It was a blue-green mini van that we were on, and his parents sat in the driver's row in the front. My parents sat right in front of us while we sat in the very back seat with me looking out of the window every so often to see the new sights and joys that awaited us there in Gwangju. Yunho's left hand held my right while we drove on, ready for a new adventure with both families happily singing along to songs that came on the radio. Sometimes Mr. Jung would look into his mirror to check on us in the back. That's where the backpack came into use.
Though we knew that our families wouldn't have been so accepting of our 'relationship', we couldn't help it. What could stop us if nobody knew? That was our way of thinking. Either way, we had all kinds of tricks and loopholes to fool them with. All of them. For example, a couple days back, our fathers wanted to show us how to play golf. Yunho stood right next to me, making me swing the club down right on the back of his head. We pre-planned that part to make it seem as though Yunho was badly hurt and needed to take time away from the golf course. While they played and assumed that Yunho was probably at home sleeping soundly to heal his injury quicker, we went to play in the snow, building endless numbers of snow people in our snow village at the deserted park. There were always ways.
I looked at him when he gripped my hand tighter, noticing how I seemed to be a little too lost in thought. I gripped his hand and smiled back in return to his actions. I couldn't have felt happier while we became nearer to Yunho's old neighborhood. After about 10 more minutes of driving, I was fast asleep. I couldn't remember anything else while I had dreams about meeting Yunho's 8 year old little sister and have Yunho show me his favorite place in Gwangju that he always talked about.
At first I couldn't hear anything but a soft rustle. But then the mumbling and hushed whispers got a little louder, so I turned on my side and stirred, feeling extra warmth near me. I gladly accepted the new feeling and the whispers got a little louder. We were there, I thought. We were finally there and we were going to let our mini vacation start.
"But......we can't tell him now......it's his birthday!" the voice whispered, sounding so much like Yunho's mum. What was wrong? What did they have to hide from him that was so important?
A sigh was heard and I heard the recent voice begin to cry silently. Curious as to what was going on, I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the blurry figures who were now desperately trying to figure something out. But what? What was going on? Did....something bad happen? A sudden realization made me grab onto a random, but warm object. It was Yunho's hand. I had accidentally grabbed his hand and woken him up out of fear. Fear that something bad had happened to my parents, seeing how they were no longer in sight. Yunho yawned a bit and looked down at my head on his shoulder before giving a smile.
"Hey what's--" I quickly covered his mouth to stop him from talking before his parents would know that he was awake. It seemed that he had seen the fear written clearly in my eyes and he took my hand away from his mouth to hold it in his own.
"Boo.....what's wrong?" he asked, now full of concern. I didn't know how to answer him. I wasn't even sure of what was going on. But I didn't have to explain when Yunho's parents continued to talk.
"I--I don't think he would be able to take it", his dad continued with his mom crying endlessly. As his father took his mother in his arms, Yunho and I watched silently in the darkness of the mini van.
Suddenly two people came by the window and I let out a breath of relief when I saw that it was my parents. The only other thing that troubled me was that they too had an uncomfortable expression.
"How about....." my own father began, "We tell him after his birthday? Maybe he can have fun today on his 17th birthday and then.....and then we tell him."
Yunho and I exchanged curious glances at each other while Yunho's mum continued to sob loudly in his father's arms.
"Shhh......quiet now....we don't want to wake them...." he said. "We don't want Yunho to know that......that his grandmother has just passed away."
I inhaled sharply and turned to Yunho to see his reaction, worried about how he would react to this. To me, he seemed just as surprised as I was. But then his shock seemed to change to an expression of pure agony while he registered what he just heard in his mind. Slowly I felt his hand let go of mine and I looked down at his hand loosening its grip before looking up to see his dead expression. My heart squeezed knowing that he must have felt in so much pain now. Carefully, as if afraid of him breaking down, I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and whispered to him, "Yunho~ ah.........I....I don't know what to say, but--"
Suddenly he turned over to my way and hugged me, catching me by surprise this time. But I hugged him back and patted his back anyways, knowing that he probably needed comfort at a time like this.
"Jaejoong-ah...I don't know what to do...I feel so guilty. I feel so horrible; like the worst grandson ever...how could I have been asleep when something like this happened? I...I didn't even get to say good-bye....” he told me with a cracked voice while his arms tightened, slightly suffocating me. But I didn't mind. Because I knew that at the moment, he needed someone. I let out a soundless breath of air and rested my cheek against his shoulder, knowing that this was all I needed to do. Telling him that everything would be okay wouldn't work, I knew that. Because things from now would change for him, and he only needed someone there, not people to tell him that things would turn out better when they might not...
The next day was awkward for all of us. We couldn't have a conversation for more than 2 minutes without lapsing back into silence with our meals during breakfast. For awhile I could think nothing, but only stole constant glances at Yunho to see what his was doing. He seemed to be empty mindedly stirring his porridge and took no note of me or anything else. I couldn't help but worry when I saw how blank his expression was and how he said nothing for awhile. Suddenly, as if feeling my eyes on him, he looked up and a smile suddenly grew.
"You haven't finished your breakfast yet", he said, pointing at my own bowl of porridge. I looked at my bowl and then smiled weakly before pointing to his bowl to indicate that he didn't even touch his breakfast. With a chuckle Yunho picked up his spoon and began to eat. Though his pace seemed much slower than usual, I was happy that at least he was even eating. It was better than nothing. Much better.
"Oppa!" A little girl's voice screamed from across the room. Quickly Yunho turned around at the sound of his little sister's voice and let her leap in his loving arms, snuggling her as soon as she was able to wrap her arms around his neck. I smiled at the scene. He must have missed Ji-Hae so much, and now he was trying to return to being his normal, happy self so that he could be strong for Ji-Hae.
"Oppa..." she called, pulling away a bit.
"Hmm?"
"Where's halmuni?" she asked, making the irritating silence return.
Nobody knew what to say. She was just a kid, why would she have to face such an excruciating truth? How would we tell her that the person who raised her since she was born suddenly disappeared from her life? Ji-Hae didn't deserve this, I thought. She didn't deserve this...Yunho didn't deserve this either. I wasn't sure how I could help Yunho in telling her, but he opened his mouth to speak before I got the chance to give any gesture.
"Ji-hae....do you remember what oppa told you about being strong?" he asked the little girl. Instantly, in my mind, I knew that this wasn't going to be such a good scene. I knew what was coming next. He probably thought back to how his own parents tried to hide it from him and now he was trying to honestly tell Ji-Hae. But seeing how determined he was, I stopped myself from doing anything to ruin his plan and only watched.
"Yes...." Ji-Hae replied, looking at him. "Why? I only asked where she was....why do I have to be strong?....Oppa...did something happen? Did something happen to halmuni?"
For a kid, she was really smart, just like her oppa. Before he even got the chance to say anything further she was already crying her eyes out in fear and hitting Yunho to get answers.
"Oppa! What happened?! Tell me!" she shrieked, punching him with her little fists between tears and hiccups. "I wanna know!!"
For awhile he simply sat there letting his little sister frantically try to get answers from him. But then he stopped her and held her by the shoulders to indicate that he was about to tell her the truth. With a slowly and quiet shake of his head, his little sister stared at him, horrified.
".........Umma!!!" she screamed as she jumped off her brother's lap and dashed towards a different room.
Yunho sat there with his head bowed down sadly. I couldn't find words to describe the atmosphere there, but I knew that it was one that could have brought anyone down as soon as they entered the room. A slowly and steady hand made its way to Yunho's shoulder just as the night before and he looked up at me this time with a reassuring smile. I nodded with a soft smile in return and glanced at the clock. Today was his birthday...it was his birthday now and yet, he had to go through so much. I sat there feeling broken hearted with him even though I never met his grandmother. But seeing him like this was enough for me.
Suddenly he called out my name and I looked at him, wondering what I should have been expecting. He showed me yet another smile, but this time, it seemed to be stronger than the last and told me that he wanted to show me the place that he always talked about. I nodded excitedly and ran to my bag to grab the small box that held that watch inside. Sneaking it into my pocket, I made sure that he didn't see, although he probably already guessed that I was fetching his present anyways. I grinned like a little kid and made my way to the door with him leading the way towards a thick set of trees nearby. For awhile I wondered if his favorite place was in the woods at some secluded area, but then, after passing so many trees, I saw a clear opening and what seemed to be a cliff. Before going on, he turned around and told me to hold on to his jacket and never let go no matter what. I did as I was told and held onto the hem of his red jacket without a second thought. But out of nowhere I began to hear slight hissing noises from the right and left side. I turned to one of the directions and saw a pit...a pit of green forest snakes all moving over each other. My eyes widened and I looked at Yunho to see that he was chuckling. It seemed that he already knew about the snakes, but went on anyways. Suddenly a snake wrapped around the branches of a tree started to slither my way and my hold on his jacket tightened, hoping that it wouldn't bite me. Thankfully after 1 more minute of avoiding snakes and stray branches, we were at the cliff where I stood there, stunned at the scenery in front of me. Nothing, and I mean, nothing, couldn't have been more beautiful than the sight of Gwangju all right before my eyes.
He smiled at my reaction to everything and pulled me down to sit on the grass with him, asking me if I liked it. Of course, being the speechless person that I was at the moment, I nodded and continued to stare out at the busy streets down below. With my thumb and index finger I began to measure random objects like the buildings or the people who seemed so tiny in comparison now. Yunho merely watched and chuckled next to me while I continued to take everything in as much as I could, though I knew that even if I did visit here again, it would be a long time from while I sat next to Yunho. Especially since this place would from now on be the bringer of painful memories. I pulled my legs together and rested my chin on my crossed arms while the wind lightly blew against my hair. My lips were pulled into a pout when I thought of forgetting to bring my camera. Suddenly, the words 'bringing something' cleared in my mind and I reached into my pocket to hand him his present with a cheerful, "Happy Birthday!"
Excitedly, he sat there ripping at the gift wrapping that I lamely did and his eyes grew huge at the brand name of the box. Once again, he knew what was coming and looked up at me before slowly taking the lid off to reveal the watch that he always wanted. How did you get this, he asked me. I smiled and merely told him to try it on. As soon as he did, his bright grin returned happily when he saw how great it looked on him. The watch was 100% Jung Yunho and nobody else. Suddenly he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket that I realized was a page from a magazine.
"The Cartier Ballon Bleu gets its name from the sapphire cabochon crown which is incorporated into its rounded case. The rounded watch is available in 19 versions in three sizes 42, 36.5, and 28.5 mm and in 18K white, pink or yellow gold and stainless steel with 18K yellow gold. The movement is the automatic Cartier caliber 049, it has sapphire crystals and the dial features a subtle "C" motif. The ladies models are available with diamonds on the bezel and dial. The prices range from $4,950 to $46,000. Or for the ultimate in bling you can opt for the special limited edition all diamond version which sells for a cool $950,000", he read out loud to me before looking up to my small grin. "Joongie~ ah.....do you realize how much you just spent just for this watch? For this one watch? It's my birthday present, not something that I would die without! That's about 4.6 million Won that you just spent~!"
The smile remained while I picked up the box and closed it, placing it in his palm and telling him, "It's the first birthday that I've ever celebrated with you...don't you think that I should give something special? Besides...I've saved that money aimlessly for awhile now, and I have nothing to spend it on. You're not that great at hiding emotions at certain times either, Yunnie. You've admired that since the first day that it was put on display. You even collect articles about it! How obsessive!"
At first Yunho pouted, mumbling a quick, "I'm not obsessive!" But then he broke into a sly and toothy smile before glancing up at me. I couldn't tell what he was up to....but I realized that that was the exact same grin that he had on when he made me skip school. I didn't even want to think about what he wanted to do this time. But slowly he began to scoot over towards me and I gave him a strange expression. When he was right next to me, I saw that his grin grew even bigger than it was only 30 seconds ago.
"Joongie~ ah", he said with a hint of slyness in his voice. "I want to thank you for my birthday present". I nodded and smiled at him to show that it was no problem at all, but I was still a little nervous about his expression. What was he going to try? It better not be some kind of...
Before I knew it he had cupped my face with his right hand and leaned in quickly before I could react to capture my lip with his. Though his eyes were closed, mine were wide open and I was too shocked to do anything about it. But I also felt.........happy.....Happy for some unknown reason. My eyes suddenly had a mind of their own and closed slowly while I responded to the kiss. His reaction to this was to deepen the kiss, making me fall into the moment without ever realizing it. Maybe I could have pulled away since he was being so gentle and not at all forceful about this....but I couldn't help it. My hands weren't listening at all to me...neither were my lips...aish...I would kick his ass after this...
We pulled away desperately gasping for air with his forehead on mine. My eyes were shut and I couldn't feel anything but the kiss that just broke apart. Suddenly I heard him begin to chuckle and I opened one eye to look at him to see what he was laughing about.
"That was your first kiss wasn't it?" he asked me out of nowhere. Was my kiss that bad? So bad that he immediately assumed that it was one from an amateur?
"....................................." I couldn't find a way of replying to that without being scared that he might laugh at the answer. Yes, it was my first kiss. But again....was it that horrible? It was great beyond words from my point of view...but maybe to him it was different. From that, I began to wonder if he would ever even think about kissing me again since he seemed to be implying that I was such a beginner.
"I'm not implying that you're such a beginner", he said. I had a big, blue sweat drop on the back of my head like an anime. I guess I was wrong then. But now I really wanted to know what he meant, so I gave him a look to tell him that I wanted answers.
"You just seemed so shocked....and clueless too, actually. So I just thought that maybe it was because that was your ... first kiss", he told me. I looked away from him when he said the last words. The fact that he just kissed me as a thank you finally dawned on me and I could feel my face heating up rapidly. I was lost from words as I pulled away from him and pretended to get caught up in staring at the scenery. But everything seemed to be a blur now while I blanked out and eventually fell asleep.
By the time that I woke up, I found out that Yunho was nowhere to be seen. Where had he gone and why didn't he tell me to wake up? I looked at my cell phone for the time and it read 9:00PM. It was already dark and the full moon glowed brightly by the mist of the clouds. At first I decided against going to find him because I assumed that he probably would be back. Also because of the many snakes that were right behind me. I didn't want to get bitten by poisonous snakes. Not one bit.
After waiting for a long while, I noticed that Yunho was taking an awfully long time just to come back. Where had he gone in the first place?...I couldn't help but begin to feel worried. Not worried because I was thinking that he wouldn't come back, no. I knew on the inside that he would never do that to me or anyone else, being the kind person that he is. But I was worried that something might have happened to him. I was deathly worried that something had gone wrong to keep him from coming to fetch me away from this scenery...from the quiet hissing behind me.
Quietly I stood up and I walked down hesitantly past the snakes. They were all creeping around, but I ignored them as they ignored me. As soon as I got to the clear opening I saw something that I wished wasn't there. I wanted to turn around and dive at the snakes to have them kill me on the spot. After seeing the sight before me, I knew that even 1,000 snake bites or more wouldn't hurt me a bit. Not as much as the pain from my twisted heart.
I crouched down by his side with wide eyes and saw that he was lying in a pool of dark blood. I reached for his hand and pulled back when I felt how cold it was. Deathly cold. Unbearably cold. I felt my eyes become dull as I looked down at his body. His blood.....that was his blood around him....and it was coming from a wound on the side of his head. My head lowered a bit more when I saw something shiny flash. But again...regret filled inside of me when I realized that it was a bullet. A bullet plunged past his skin and probably past his skull...My shock kept me from doing anything as I kneeled down next to him. But even though on the outside I wasn't moving a bit, my heart was carefully sliding down. Falling through me as if pulling away now, no longer a part of me. Yunho had taken my soul with him.
My hands again reached out towards his eyes...his now empty eyes. I closed them for him, unable to face the horrible thought of him dying with his eyes open. There wasn't even a bit of peacefulness in his expression. After awhile, I let my head rest against his chest while I bitterly chewed on my lower lip, unable to think of anything to do.
Why? Why did life suddenly have to kill two souls in one night? Why did life have to take someone away on their birth day? This was just too unexpected for me. I sat there until a sudden scuffling sound made me jump up with a jolt. But when I looked up, I only saw a trail of black long hair follow a petite form as it ran away from the scene.
I was too tired to call out to them, begging them to wait and give me answers, so I just sat there with him, clutching his hand and waiting for tomorrow before I would go to his home and announce his.......death.
Two people in 2 days, eh? Some luck that the family was having....some luck that I was having also....
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Aish, but yesh yesh, here it is for you all, chapter 2!
I slowly lowered my hand and scooped up a handful of snow by his grave, only to hold it in midair to let the wind blow it away from me. Quickly brushing my hair from my eyes, I kneeled down in front of his tombstone and used my bare hands to brush away all of the snow that was covering his area. My vision blurred as his engraved name came into sight. I couldn't bear to see his name carved into a piece of rock to show that he was no longer here. But then...I also couldn't stand being away from him. Slowly my frost bitten fingers traced a line down the side of the words that were written there. Everything just had to go by so fast. Why? Why did it have to disappear in the blink of an eye? I swallowed what was left of the lump in my throat and placed my forehead down on the tombstone, letting out puffs of air through my mouth and letting my hair fall as a curtain to hide the pain clearly written on my face.
"Yunho~ ah..." I whispered quietly while my hands once again dug into the snow. This time, I was searching underneath the untouched layer of coldness to find something that I buried here on the day of his death, that I tried to never think of again. But with all of the things that are going by without him here...I couldn't stop myself from mindlessly walking towards this place. This place of...
Suddenly I heard a noise, making me look up immediately. Through the thick layers of snow falling from the heartbroken skies, I couldn't see the person's face. Even without the snow I wouldn't have been able to find out who they were anyway. But to my shock, I realized who that person's shape and figure looked exactly like. I was sure. I was so sure this time, that it wasn't Yoochun or anybody else. Especially when they ran away the instant I looked up at them, as if afraid that I would find out whom they were. If they would have stayed there and calmly walked elsewhere, I wouldn't have felt such a need to get up immediately. But....but their vibe....their aura....it was him. I knew it was. It wasn't a hallucination this time. I was so sure. Quickly chasing after, I tripped on something and fell down, losing them to the thick trees of the forest.
"W--wait", I called out, my throat raspy and dry. But they gave no response and fled from me, from my sight. With an angry punch into the snow, I looked at my foot to see what would have made me lose my chance for answers. Any answers at all. Why did I have to lose my chance again, just as all times? I was so sure that this wasn't my imagination. How did I know? Because my imaginations never let him run away from me like that. Silently, I sat up and pulled out the something from below my foot. At first it was so covered in snow, and so unrecognizable that I could only frown while I carefully dusted it off from the white flakes that were continuously falling. My heart stopped its beating when I saw that it was what I was looking for only a few minutes ago. His glasses.......Yunho's pair of black rimmed glasses that were supposed to be by his grave. But why was it over here?.....I remembered so clearly that I buried it in the snow right next to a large bouquet of flowers that my mom set down in a vase. I looked up at where the forest was and saw nothing. Nada. Even the snow that I was sitting on earlier seemed so untouched and forgotten. So much that I never would have expected someone there. I blew the last bit of snow off of the glasses and saw that they were broken now. The glass on the right side had a crack in it, threatening to break into little pieces if anything was to touch them with the least bit of strength.
For awhile I sat there staring at them, the glasses, looking and looking as if something would happen to mend the glasses that were now almost as broken as my own heart. But no. Miracles stopped existing since the day of Yunho's death. Or rather....the day of Yunho's birthday too.
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I couldn't wait. I was excited. I was bouncy. Heck, nobody could beat me in happiness now, for I was at my highest point in happiness and the most excited person that you would ever lay eyes on that very day. I grabbed the present from my desk and prepared to give it to him later for his birthday. It was a watch. I knew that he would be sure to like it since he kept staring at it with a hint of sadness whenever we walked by the jewelry store. Though I couldn't get enough money to have the shop engrave both of our names on it, I let his name go in the middle of the watch with the arrows ticking away while my name was stuck on a piece of tape and written in marker to show that it was the present I gave him. A present he got from me and nobody else. But a part of me wondered if he would simply peel it off out of annoyance. Then again, as long as he liked the watch, it didn't really even matter to me. My Yunnie deserved something like this. Especially since his birthday only comes once a year.
Quickly I grabbed my bag and ran down the steps after stuffing the present in. I couldn't wait to see his excitement when he opened this present. To my surprise, he was standing right there with a grin to show me that he too, was ready. Now all we had to do was to wait for our parents to hurry up. Of course, we weren't just gonna go anywhere. For Yunnie's birthday, we were all going to go to Gwangju so that they could once again see their hometown--Yunho's birthplace. I couldn't help myself after looking around for people and lunged myself at him with a huge bear hug, catching him by surprise. He laughed, nevertheless, at my actions and wrapped his arms back around me with a last chuckle, then let me down. I couldn't contain myself. I had never, in all of my life, been away from home before. The thought of going on a trip to somewhere out of Seoul excited me almost as much as the thought of celebrating Yunho's birthday. Nothing could have gone wrong, I thought.
At first, I was right. Everything seemed to go our way while he secretly placed a book bag in between us. It wasn't for space or anything. In fact, the book bag in between was so that we could be closer. It was a blue-green mini van that we were on, and his parents sat in the driver's row in the front. My parents sat right in front of us while we sat in the very back seat with me looking out of the window every so often to see the new sights and joys that awaited us there in Gwangju. Yunho's left hand held my right while we drove on, ready for a new adventure with both families happily singing along to songs that came on the radio. Sometimes Mr. Jung would look into his mirror to check on us in the back. That's where the backpack came into use.
Though we knew that our families wouldn't have been so accepting of our 'relationship', we couldn't help it. What could stop us if nobody knew? That was our way of thinking. Either way, we had all kinds of tricks and loopholes to fool them with. All of them. For example, a couple days back, our fathers wanted to show us how to play golf. Yunho stood right next to me, making me swing the club down right on the back of his head. We pre-planned that part to make it seem as though Yunho was badly hurt and needed to take time away from the golf course. While they played and assumed that Yunho was probably at home sleeping soundly to heal his injury quicker, we went to play in the snow, building endless numbers of snow people in our snow village at the deserted park. There were always ways.
I looked at him when he gripped my hand tighter, noticing how I seemed to be a little too lost in thought. I gripped his hand and smiled back in return to his actions. I couldn't have felt happier while we became nearer to Yunho's old neighborhood. After about 10 more minutes of driving, I was fast asleep. I couldn't remember anything else while I had dreams about meeting Yunho's 8 year old little sister and have Yunho show me his favorite place in Gwangju that he always talked about.
At first I couldn't hear anything but a soft rustle. But then the mumbling and hushed whispers got a little louder, so I turned on my side and stirred, feeling extra warmth near me. I gladly accepted the new feeling and the whispers got a little louder. We were there, I thought. We were finally there and we were going to let our mini vacation start.
"But......we can't tell him now......it's his birthday!" the voice whispered, sounding so much like Yunho's mum. What was wrong? What did they have to hide from him that was so important?
A sigh was heard and I heard the recent voice begin to cry silently. Curious as to what was going on, I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the blurry figures who were now desperately trying to figure something out. But what? What was going on? Did....something bad happen? A sudden realization made me grab onto a random, but warm object. It was Yunho's hand. I had accidentally grabbed his hand and woken him up out of fear. Fear that something bad had happened to my parents, seeing how they were no longer in sight. Yunho yawned a bit and looked down at my head on his shoulder before giving a smile.
"Hey what's--" I quickly covered his mouth to stop him from talking before his parents would know that he was awake. It seemed that he had seen the fear written clearly in my eyes and he took my hand away from his mouth to hold it in his own.
"Boo.....what's wrong?" he asked, now full of concern. I didn't know how to answer him. I wasn't even sure of what was going on. But I didn't have to explain when Yunho's parents continued to talk.
"I--I don't think he would be able to take it", his dad continued with his mom crying endlessly. As his father took his mother in his arms, Yunho and I watched silently in the darkness of the mini van.
Suddenly two people came by the window and I let out a breath of relief when I saw that it was my parents. The only other thing that troubled me was that they too had an uncomfortable expression.
"How about....." my own father began, "We tell him after his birthday? Maybe he can have fun today on his 17th birthday and then.....and then we tell him."
Yunho and I exchanged curious glances at each other while Yunho's mum continued to sob loudly in his father's arms.
"Shhh......quiet now....we don't want to wake them...." he said. "We don't want Yunho to know that......that his grandmother has just passed away."
I inhaled sharply and turned to Yunho to see his reaction, worried about how he would react to this. To me, he seemed just as surprised as I was. But then his shock seemed to change to an expression of pure agony while he registered what he just heard in his mind. Slowly I felt his hand let go of mine and I looked down at his hand loosening its grip before looking up to see his dead expression. My heart squeezed knowing that he must have felt in so much pain now. Carefully, as if afraid of him breaking down, I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and whispered to him, "Yunho~ ah.........I....I don't know what to say, but--"
Suddenly he turned over to my way and hugged me, catching me by surprise this time. But I hugged him back and patted his back anyways, knowing that he probably needed comfort at a time like this.
"Jaejoong-ah...I don't know what to do...I feel so guilty. I feel so horrible; like the worst grandson ever...how could I have been asleep when something like this happened? I...I didn't even get to say good-bye....” he told me with a cracked voice while his arms tightened, slightly suffocating me. But I didn't mind. Because I knew that at the moment, he needed someone. I let out a soundless breath of air and rested my cheek against his shoulder, knowing that this was all I needed to do. Telling him that everything would be okay wouldn't work, I knew that. Because things from now would change for him, and he only needed someone there, not people to tell him that things would turn out better when they might not...
The next day was awkward for all of us. We couldn't have a conversation for more than 2 minutes without lapsing back into silence with our meals during breakfast. For awhile I could think nothing, but only stole constant glances at Yunho to see what his was doing. He seemed to be empty mindedly stirring his porridge and took no note of me or anything else. I couldn't help but worry when I saw how blank his expression was and how he said nothing for awhile. Suddenly, as if feeling my eyes on him, he looked up and a smile suddenly grew.
"You haven't finished your breakfast yet", he said, pointing at my own bowl of porridge. I looked at my bowl and then smiled weakly before pointing to his bowl to indicate that he didn't even touch his breakfast. With a chuckle Yunho picked up his spoon and began to eat. Though his pace seemed much slower than usual, I was happy that at least he was even eating. It was better than nothing. Much better.
"Oppa!" A little girl's voice screamed from across the room. Quickly Yunho turned around at the sound of his little sister's voice and let her leap in his loving arms, snuggling her as soon as she was able to wrap her arms around his neck. I smiled at the scene. He must have missed Ji-Hae so much, and now he was trying to return to being his normal, happy self so that he could be strong for Ji-Hae.
"Oppa..." she called, pulling away a bit.
"Hmm?"
"Where's halmuni?" she asked, making the irritating silence return.
Nobody knew what to say. She was just a kid, why would she have to face such an excruciating truth? How would we tell her that the person who raised her since she was born suddenly disappeared from her life? Ji-Hae didn't deserve this, I thought. She didn't deserve this...Yunho didn't deserve this either. I wasn't sure how I could help Yunho in telling her, but he opened his mouth to speak before I got the chance to give any gesture.
"Ji-hae....do you remember what oppa told you about being strong?" he asked the little girl. Instantly, in my mind, I knew that this wasn't going to be such a good scene. I knew what was coming next. He probably thought back to how his own parents tried to hide it from him and now he was trying to honestly tell Ji-Hae. But seeing how determined he was, I stopped myself from doing anything to ruin his plan and only watched.
"Yes...." Ji-Hae replied, looking at him. "Why? I only asked where she was....why do I have to be strong?....Oppa...did something happen? Did something happen to halmuni?"
For a kid, she was really smart, just like her oppa. Before he even got the chance to say anything further she was already crying her eyes out in fear and hitting Yunho to get answers.
"Oppa! What happened?! Tell me!" she shrieked, punching him with her little fists between tears and hiccups. "I wanna know!!"
For awhile he simply sat there letting his little sister frantically try to get answers from him. But then he stopped her and held her by the shoulders to indicate that he was about to tell her the truth. With a slowly and quiet shake of his head, his little sister stared at him, horrified.
".........Umma!!!" she screamed as she jumped off her brother's lap and dashed towards a different room.
Yunho sat there with his head bowed down sadly. I couldn't find words to describe the atmosphere there, but I knew that it was one that could have brought anyone down as soon as they entered the room. A slowly and steady hand made its way to Yunho's shoulder just as the night before and he looked up at me this time with a reassuring smile. I nodded with a soft smile in return and glanced at the clock. Today was his birthday...it was his birthday now and yet, he had to go through so much. I sat there feeling broken hearted with him even though I never met his grandmother. But seeing him like this was enough for me.
Suddenly he called out my name and I looked at him, wondering what I should have been expecting. He showed me yet another smile, but this time, it seemed to be stronger than the last and told me that he wanted to show me the place that he always talked about. I nodded excitedly and ran to my bag to grab the small box that held that watch inside. Sneaking it into my pocket, I made sure that he didn't see, although he probably already guessed that I was fetching his present anyways. I grinned like a little kid and made my way to the door with him leading the way towards a thick set of trees nearby. For awhile I wondered if his favorite place was in the woods at some secluded area, but then, after passing so many trees, I saw a clear opening and what seemed to be a cliff. Before going on, he turned around and told me to hold on to his jacket and never let go no matter what. I did as I was told and held onto the hem of his red jacket without a second thought. But out of nowhere I began to hear slight hissing noises from the right and left side. I turned to one of the directions and saw a pit...a pit of green forest snakes all moving over each other. My eyes widened and I looked at Yunho to see that he was chuckling. It seemed that he already knew about the snakes, but went on anyways. Suddenly a snake wrapped around the branches of a tree started to slither my way and my hold on his jacket tightened, hoping that it wouldn't bite me. Thankfully after 1 more minute of avoiding snakes and stray branches, we were at the cliff where I stood there, stunned at the scenery in front of me. Nothing, and I mean, nothing, couldn't have been more beautiful than the sight of Gwangju all right before my eyes.
He smiled at my reaction to everything and pulled me down to sit on the grass with him, asking me if I liked it. Of course, being the speechless person that I was at the moment, I nodded and continued to stare out at the busy streets down below. With my thumb and index finger I began to measure random objects like the buildings or the people who seemed so tiny in comparison now. Yunho merely watched and chuckled next to me while I continued to take everything in as much as I could, though I knew that even if I did visit here again, it would be a long time from while I sat next to Yunho. Especially since this place would from now on be the bringer of painful memories. I pulled my legs together and rested my chin on my crossed arms while the wind lightly blew against my hair. My lips were pulled into a pout when I thought of forgetting to bring my camera. Suddenly, the words 'bringing something' cleared in my mind and I reached into my pocket to hand him his present with a cheerful, "Happy Birthday!"
Excitedly, he sat there ripping at the gift wrapping that I lamely did and his eyes grew huge at the brand name of the box. Once again, he knew what was coming and looked up at me before slowly taking the lid off to reveal the watch that he always wanted. How did you get this, he asked me. I smiled and merely told him to try it on. As soon as he did, his bright grin returned happily when he saw how great it looked on him. The watch was 100% Jung Yunho and nobody else. Suddenly he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket that I realized was a page from a magazine.
"The Cartier Ballon Bleu gets its name from the sapphire cabochon crown which is incorporated into its rounded case. The rounded watch is available in 19 versions in three sizes 42, 36.5, and 28.5 mm and in 18K white, pink or yellow gold and stainless steel with 18K yellow gold. The movement is the automatic Cartier caliber 049, it has sapphire crystals and the dial features a subtle "C" motif. The ladies models are available with diamonds on the bezel and dial. The prices range from $4,950 to $46,000. Or for the ultimate in bling you can opt for the special limited edition all diamond version which sells for a cool $950,000", he read out loud to me before looking up to my small grin. "Joongie~ ah.....do you realize how much you just spent just for this watch? For this one watch? It's my birthday present, not something that I would die without! That's about 4.6 million Won that you just spent~!"
The smile remained while I picked up the box and closed it, placing it in his palm and telling him, "It's the first birthday that I've ever celebrated with you...don't you think that I should give something special? Besides...I've saved that money aimlessly for awhile now, and I have nothing to spend it on. You're not that great at hiding emotions at certain times either, Yunnie. You've admired that since the first day that it was put on display. You even collect articles about it! How obsessive!"
At first Yunho pouted, mumbling a quick, "I'm not obsessive!" But then he broke into a sly and toothy smile before glancing up at me. I couldn't tell what he was up to....but I realized that that was the exact same grin that he had on when he made me skip school. I didn't even want to think about what he wanted to do this time. But slowly he began to scoot over towards me and I gave him a strange expression. When he was right next to me, I saw that his grin grew even bigger than it was only 30 seconds ago.
"Joongie~ ah", he said with a hint of slyness in his voice. "I want to thank you for my birthday present". I nodded and smiled at him to show that it was no problem at all, but I was still a little nervous about his expression. What was he going to try? It better not be some kind of...
Before I knew it he had cupped my face with his right hand and leaned in quickly before I could react to capture my lip with his. Though his eyes were closed, mine were wide open and I was too shocked to do anything about it. But I also felt.........happy.....Happy for some unknown reason. My eyes suddenly had a mind of their own and closed slowly while I responded to the kiss. His reaction to this was to deepen the kiss, making me fall into the moment without ever realizing it. Maybe I could have pulled away since he was being so gentle and not at all forceful about this....but I couldn't help it. My hands weren't listening at all to me...neither were my lips...aish...I would kick his ass after this...
We pulled away desperately gasping for air with his forehead on mine. My eyes were shut and I couldn't feel anything but the kiss that just broke apart. Suddenly I heard him begin to chuckle and I opened one eye to look at him to see what he was laughing about.
"That was your first kiss wasn't it?" he asked me out of nowhere. Was my kiss that bad? So bad that he immediately assumed that it was one from an amateur?
"....................................." I couldn't find a way of replying to that without being scared that he might laugh at the answer. Yes, it was my first kiss. But again....was it that horrible? It was great beyond words from my point of view...but maybe to him it was different. From that, I began to wonder if he would ever even think about kissing me again since he seemed to be implying that I was such a beginner.
"I'm not implying that you're such a beginner", he said. I had a big, blue sweat drop on the back of my head like an anime. I guess I was wrong then. But now I really wanted to know what he meant, so I gave him a look to tell him that I wanted answers.
"You just seemed so shocked....and clueless too, actually. So I just thought that maybe it was because that was your ... first kiss", he told me. I looked away from him when he said the last words. The fact that he just kissed me as a thank you finally dawned on me and I could feel my face heating up rapidly. I was lost from words as I pulled away from him and pretended to get caught up in staring at the scenery. But everything seemed to be a blur now while I blanked out and eventually fell asleep.
By the time that I woke up, I found out that Yunho was nowhere to be seen. Where had he gone and why didn't he tell me to wake up? I looked at my cell phone for the time and it read 9:00PM. It was already dark and the full moon glowed brightly by the mist of the clouds. At first I decided against going to find him because I assumed that he probably would be back. Also because of the many snakes that were right behind me. I didn't want to get bitten by poisonous snakes. Not one bit.
After waiting for a long while, I noticed that Yunho was taking an awfully long time just to come back. Where had he gone in the first place?...I couldn't help but begin to feel worried. Not worried because I was thinking that he wouldn't come back, no. I knew on the inside that he would never do that to me or anyone else, being the kind person that he is. But I was worried that something might have happened to him. I was deathly worried that something had gone wrong to keep him from coming to fetch me away from this scenery...from the quiet hissing behind me.
Quietly I stood up and I walked down hesitantly past the snakes. They were all creeping around, but I ignored them as they ignored me. As soon as I got to the clear opening I saw something that I wished wasn't there. I wanted to turn around and dive at the snakes to have them kill me on the spot. After seeing the sight before me, I knew that even 1,000 snake bites or more wouldn't hurt me a bit. Not as much as the pain from my twisted heart.
I crouched down by his side with wide eyes and saw that he was lying in a pool of dark blood. I reached for his hand and pulled back when I felt how cold it was. Deathly cold. Unbearably cold. I felt my eyes become dull as I looked down at his body. His blood.....that was his blood around him....and it was coming from a wound on the side of his head. My head lowered a bit more when I saw something shiny flash. But again...regret filled inside of me when I realized that it was a bullet. A bullet plunged past his skin and probably past his skull...My shock kept me from doing anything as I kneeled down next to him. But even though on the outside I wasn't moving a bit, my heart was carefully sliding down. Falling through me as if pulling away now, no longer a part of me. Yunho had taken my soul with him.
My hands again reached out towards his eyes...his now empty eyes. I closed them for him, unable to face the horrible thought of him dying with his eyes open. There wasn't even a bit of peacefulness in his expression. After awhile, I let my head rest against his chest while I bitterly chewed on my lower lip, unable to think of anything to do.
Why? Why did life suddenly have to kill two souls in one night? Why did life have to take someone away on their birth day? This was just too unexpected for me. I sat there until a sudden scuffling sound made me jump up with a jolt. But when I looked up, I only saw a trail of black long hair follow a petite form as it ran away from the scene.
I was too tired to call out to them, begging them to wait and give me answers, so I just sat there with him, clutching his hand and waiting for tomorrow before I would go to his home and announce his.......death.
Two people in 2 days, eh? Some luck that the family was having....some luck that I was having also....
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