Upside Forward (7/10)
Title: Upside Forward
Pairings/Characters: Chanyeol/Luhan
Rating/Warnings: T for language and (eventual) making out
Disclaimer: I own nothing; written just for fun
Summary: Luhan leaves for a study abroad semester in NY and leaves Chanyeol behind. Basically, without Luhan smiling at him everything about Chanyeol's life sucks just that much worse.
A/N: Originally written for lj user riseandrain at the yeolliepopday exchange. Also, some theme music and the song that kept me going.
Winter Break and January
Chanyeol drags his suitcase to his parents’ house as soon as his class is over the next day. He does two months of laundry, peels potatoes, carrots, and onions for jeon, drinks beer with Yura and his dad’s best friend, and in fact does not make it back to the dance building until Tuesday.
Fortunately for Chanyeol and Jongin, Krystal gets herself a boyfriend sometime over the holiday weekend and is too preoccupied indulging in Young Love (i.e., updating social media with repetitive couple selcas and sappy quotes more obsessively than Luhan) to tease them.
Winter break settles into a comfortable rhythm after New Year’s. Chanyeol studies at the library after class or gets coffee with Jongin. At least a few nights a week they end up at Chanyeol’s, huddled in front of another romance film (courtesy of Sehun) with a box of pizza or chicken open on the table between them. Baekhyun shows up with soju and gochu flavor chips on nights when Yoona’s busy and they sleep in a pile on blankets spread over the ondol. It almost feels like high school again, back when Baekhyun and Jongdae would sleep over after late night study sessions.
It all feels really nice until Baekhyun starts to raise his eyebrows. Chanyeol can feel him staring whenever a tipsy Jongin snuggles against his chest or when Chanyeol threads gentle fingers into Jongin’s messy hair. It’s not like Baekhyun to judge, especially not since he’s a clingy bastard himself, so Chanyeol shoves the faint stirring of unease back down in his chest. He’s secretly glad, though, that Baekhyun isn’t around the weekend they go out with Minseok for Jongin’s birthday and wake up the next morning in Chanyeol’s bed, just the two of them in boxers and shirts.
Chanyeol doesn’t ask about the staring and Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, at least until he shows up for Sunday brunch in late January and finds Jongin’s sneakers by the door.
“Do you already have company?” Baekhyun toes off his shoes and slides a loaf of bread onto the counter.
“No, just Jongin.” Chanyeol gestures with the handle of his knife at the bathroom door. The shower’s on full blast, tendrils of steam working their way under the door.
“Ah,” Baekhyun nods, fiddling with the handle of the silverware drawer. He boosts himself onto the counter next to the bread.
“We were drinking last night.”
“Does your bf know Jongin’s practically moved in with you?” Baekhyun laughs softly, but his eyes dart to the cherry blossom pink cup on the edge of the sink with Jongin’s purple toothbrush in it.
“You know, Jongin is the one who pretty much set us up, Baek! Of course Luhan hyung wouldn’t care.” Chanyeol slices an onion in half and picks at the papery skin with the point of his knife.
“That’s not what I asked.” Baekhyun’s voice is quiet, maybe so Jongin can’t hear them over the running water. Chanyeol sets down the knife and tries to count the bristles of his red toothbrush in the mug next to Jongin’s but the morning sunlight blurs any delineation of the translucent fibers. “Does he know Jongin’s over all the time now?”
“But you’re like, never here, Baek. So how would you know if Jongin is around all the time.”
“My point exactly. If I visit so sporadically and Jongin is here every time, his visits can’t be random.”
“Oh.” Now that Chanyeol thinks of it, Jongin has been around rather a lot lately. The shower shuts off and Baekhyun lets it slide, hopping down from the counter to root through Chanyeol’s fridge. Jongin pads out of the bathroom in fitted tracksuit pants and one of Chanyeol’s T-shirts, spraying droplets as he shakes the wet from his thick hair.
“Does someone need a towel?” Baekhyun asks loudly, wiping the back of his neck and flicking the water right back at Jongin. Jongin laughs, the stretched out neckline of Chanyeol’s too big shirt slipping over his shoulder. Chanyeol turns abruptly, twisting on the faucet to rinse the withered carrots Baekhyun’s excavated from the produce drawer that hasn’t been opened since finals week.
“Fuck! Hot!” He somehow forgot the water heater was turned up for the shower, somewhere between the smooth jut of Jongin’s collarbone and corded muscles shifting under his tan skin. Fuck.
“You dumbass!” Baekhyun pulls a tray of ice cubes from the freezer and dumps them over Chanyeol’s scalded fingers, shoving his hands back under the water as soon as it runs cold. “What kind of idiot washes veggies in hot water anyway?”
“Hyung, are you ok?” Jongin’s sliding his palm up the length of Chanyeol’s arm then down to his elbow just like Luhan always does when Chanyeol’s had a rough day and Chanyeol’s eyes are stinging and Baekhyun’s carefully massaging his tender skin under the freezing blast from the sink and Chanyeol misses Luhan and fuck, he just wanted an omelette for breakfast but now Chanyeol realizes with a dizzying flash he doesn’t know what he wants anymore.
“Whoa, there!” Baekhyun catches him by the elbow as the floor dips suddenly. They help him to the sofa and Baekhyun leaves Jongin and an ice pack with Chanyeol before returning to the stove. Jongin turns on the TV. Conan’s on.
“Do you want to watch something else?” Jongin whispers into his cheek, his body still radiating heat from the shower slung along the armrest and sofa back. Chanyeol shakes his head and leans back. This is nice, he hasn’t had time for cartoons in awhile. Jongin drops the remote, already chuckling at something on the screen. Chanyeol licks his lips and forces himself not to stare at Jongin’s profile. He tries to focus on the details of the mystery but Baekhyun keeps distracting him, glancing over towards the sofa as he burns their breakfast.
Chanyeol is... confused. He realizes this as soon as Baekhyun and Jongin leave together for the station, leaving him alone in an empty room with an empty bed that is too full of extra blankets. So he emails Kris about it. Nothing specific, just a brief mention of a very general sort of confusion slipped in between carefully composed lines about the wintry weather and his term paper on the chemistry of cobalt glazes. Kris apparently agrees with Baekhyun that this is serious and promptly makes a Skype appointment with Chanyeol.
“Have you talked to Luhan much lately?” Kris’ voice sounds carefully neutral, like he’s critiquing one of Kyungsoo’s cooking experiments with what Minseok calls “diplomatic honesty”. Chanyeol isn’t used to that tone of voice, at least not directed at him.
“I talked to him on Christmas,” Chanyeol says quickly, stirring his mug of hot chocolate with a bent spoon. “Well, it was on his Christmas. Why? Have you?”
“Mmhm.” Kris pushes up the sleeves of his jersey. Maybe it’s just the crappy webcam, but his face looks hollow, the skin under his eyes sunken and bruised.
“And?”
“He seems to think you’re upset with him.”
“Me? Upset with him? I told him it wasn’t a big deal my present’s coming late!” If anything, the apology Luhan emailed last week made Chanyeol feel better, since he had totally forgotten to even look for Luhan’s gift until Jongin reminded him about it the night of the recital.
“And there’s nothing else bothering you?” Kris prods. Chanyeol tries to focus on Kris’ teeth nibbling at his thin lips, instead of the picture of Luhan smiling next to someone else. “Chanyeol, Luhan can’t make it up to you if he doesn’t know why you’re mad.”
“I’m not--!” Chanyeol huffs into his mug and a rush of steam billows up. “Look, I’m not mad, I’m just…” Lonely. Miserable. Slightly Jealous. That’s all.
“Ok, ok.” Kris slides a hand through his freshly bleached hair and Chanyeol’s next breath comes easier now that he’s backing off. He takes a sip, swirls the chocolate under his tongue. “Oh, and I got an email from Baekhyun.” Chanyeol chokes on a tiny dehydrated marshmallow.
“My Baekhyun? Byun Baek?”
“Yeah, I didn’t understand all of his Korean, but--”
“Haha, his typos are like, on another level!” Baekhyun rambles worse on the phone than he does in person, and worst of all in text. It’s like some weird side effect of his constant chattering that only gets more noticeable at greater degrees of separation.
“...But he seemed worried about you. He said something about Jongin?” Ok, now that’s just not fair. Baekhyun and Kris are both his friends, and maybe they’ve met a few times as well, but communicating about it behind Chanyeol’s back means they’re blowing this way out of proportion. Chanyeol is fine. Chanyeol has everything under control.
“Jongin helped me with a class project, that’s all. Why did Baek email you about that?” Better question, why is Kris calling about it all the way from Canada?
“No need to get defensive, Yeol, I’m just asking if... everything’s ok.”
“Things are fine, dandy. They would even be approaching perfect, if only ceramics museums weren’t so dusty. I’ve been sneezing so much the ahjumma at the maejom asked if I invented winter allergies!” Kris laughs, under his breath but it’s still a laugh, and Chanyeol joins him with an exhale of relief.
“Well... ok. But whatever’s going on, you should... be careful. Proceed with caution,” Kris advises in his older brother tone.
“But there’s really nothing going on.” Something stirs in Chanyeol’s chest, little rodent toenails clicking, and he realizes he’s irritated. Slightly mad. Not at Luhan or anyone in particular, but because people keep assuming things. And because three phone calls later he still has no idea what everyone’s getting upset over.
“Oh hey, before I forget, can you swing by my apartment just to check on things? Yixing texted Soo last night that he maybe left the bathroom sink on.” Chanyeol can hear Kris’ mental face palm through the quiver in his voice.
“Uh, sure thing hyung!” Chanyeol tries to bite back a laugh. No wonder Kris looks so tired, he probably didn’t sleep a wink last night worrying about the water bill and black mold growth. “I’ll swing by on the way home from class.”
“Thanks, man. Call me if you need anything.”
“‘Kay, bye.”
******
Chanyeol isn’t on campus as much after his winter class ends in January and Baekhyun heads back to Busan right after Seollal, but Jongin still comes out to Chanyeol’s officetel all through February, for games and TV and beer and stuff. It’s weird that his apartment’s full again, full of Jongin and Jongdae and sometimes Minseok when Taeyeon's busy, but it’s nice.
Kyungsoo comes back from his aunt’s after Seollal with a stack of slightly yellowed lace doilies for Kris and two kilos of chocolate pound cake for Chanyeol and Jongdae. Chanyeol puts the doilies in his closet to pass on to Kris and calls Jongin. They finish both cakes, with a little help from Kyungsoo and Krystal, in one sitting.
The next day Chanyeol goes shopping for Luhan’s Valentine’s present with no idea what to buy and comes home with a bag full of random assorted objects. He could always try to pass it off as a gift basket type of thing, but there's not really a theme to the stuff he bought. Is it bad that everything reminds him of Luhan? Things as mundane as Luhan's favorite ginseng candy chews and things as obscure as wooly knit gloves the exact shade of Luhan's turquoise sweater.
Chanyeol finds an empty soju box at the supermarket and sets the bag next to it on his table. For the next week he keeps looking at it and thinking about mailing it and not actually going to the post office.
(part six here) (part eight here)
Pairings/Characters: Chanyeol/Luhan
Rating/Warnings: T for language and (eventual) making out
Disclaimer: I own nothing; written just for fun
Summary: Luhan leaves for a study abroad semester in NY and leaves Chanyeol behind. Basically, without Luhan smiling at him everything about Chanyeol's life sucks just that much worse.
A/N: Originally written for lj user riseandrain at the yeolliepopday exchange. Also, some theme music and the song that kept me going.
Winter Break and January
Chanyeol drags his suitcase to his parents’ house as soon as his class is over the next day. He does two months of laundry, peels potatoes, carrots, and onions for jeon, drinks beer with Yura and his dad’s best friend, and in fact does not make it back to the dance building until Tuesday.
Fortunately for Chanyeol and Jongin, Krystal gets herself a boyfriend sometime over the holiday weekend and is too preoccupied indulging in Young Love (i.e., updating social media with repetitive couple selcas and sappy quotes more obsessively than Luhan) to tease them.
Winter break settles into a comfortable rhythm after New Year’s. Chanyeol studies at the library after class or gets coffee with Jongin. At least a few nights a week they end up at Chanyeol’s, huddled in front of another romance film (courtesy of Sehun) with a box of pizza or chicken open on the table between them. Baekhyun shows up with soju and gochu flavor chips on nights when Yoona’s busy and they sleep in a pile on blankets spread over the ondol. It almost feels like high school again, back when Baekhyun and Jongdae would sleep over after late night study sessions.
It all feels really nice until Baekhyun starts to raise his eyebrows. Chanyeol can feel him staring whenever a tipsy Jongin snuggles against his chest or when Chanyeol threads gentle fingers into Jongin’s messy hair. It’s not like Baekhyun to judge, especially not since he’s a clingy bastard himself, so Chanyeol shoves the faint stirring of unease back down in his chest. He’s secretly glad, though, that Baekhyun isn’t around the weekend they go out with Minseok for Jongin’s birthday and wake up the next morning in Chanyeol’s bed, just the two of them in boxers and shirts.
Chanyeol doesn’t ask about the staring and Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, at least until he shows up for Sunday brunch in late January and finds Jongin’s sneakers by the door.
“Do you already have company?” Baekhyun toes off his shoes and slides a loaf of bread onto the counter.
“No, just Jongin.” Chanyeol gestures with the handle of his knife at the bathroom door. The shower’s on full blast, tendrils of steam working their way under the door.
“Ah,” Baekhyun nods, fiddling with the handle of the silverware drawer. He boosts himself onto the counter next to the bread.
“We were drinking last night.”
“Does your bf know Jongin’s practically moved in with you?” Baekhyun laughs softly, but his eyes dart to the cherry blossom pink cup on the edge of the sink with Jongin’s purple toothbrush in it.
“You know, Jongin is the one who pretty much set us up, Baek! Of course Luhan hyung wouldn’t care.” Chanyeol slices an onion in half and picks at the papery skin with the point of his knife.
“That’s not what I asked.” Baekhyun’s voice is quiet, maybe so Jongin can’t hear them over the running water. Chanyeol sets down the knife and tries to count the bristles of his red toothbrush in the mug next to Jongin’s but the morning sunlight blurs any delineation of the translucent fibers. “Does he know Jongin’s over all the time now?”
“But you’re like, never here, Baek. So how would you know if Jongin is around all the time.”
“My point exactly. If I visit so sporadically and Jongin is here every time, his visits can’t be random.”
“Oh.” Now that Chanyeol thinks of it, Jongin has been around rather a lot lately. The shower shuts off and Baekhyun lets it slide, hopping down from the counter to root through Chanyeol’s fridge. Jongin pads out of the bathroom in fitted tracksuit pants and one of Chanyeol’s T-shirts, spraying droplets as he shakes the wet from his thick hair.
“Does someone need a towel?” Baekhyun asks loudly, wiping the back of his neck and flicking the water right back at Jongin. Jongin laughs, the stretched out neckline of Chanyeol’s too big shirt slipping over his shoulder. Chanyeol turns abruptly, twisting on the faucet to rinse the withered carrots Baekhyun’s excavated from the produce drawer that hasn’t been opened since finals week.
“Fuck! Hot!” He somehow forgot the water heater was turned up for the shower, somewhere between the smooth jut of Jongin’s collarbone and corded muscles shifting under his tan skin. Fuck.
“You dumbass!” Baekhyun pulls a tray of ice cubes from the freezer and dumps them over Chanyeol’s scalded fingers, shoving his hands back under the water as soon as it runs cold. “What kind of idiot washes veggies in hot water anyway?”
“Hyung, are you ok?” Jongin’s sliding his palm up the length of Chanyeol’s arm then down to his elbow just like Luhan always does when Chanyeol’s had a rough day and Chanyeol’s eyes are stinging and Baekhyun’s carefully massaging his tender skin under the freezing blast from the sink and Chanyeol misses Luhan and fuck, he just wanted an omelette for breakfast but now Chanyeol realizes with a dizzying flash he doesn’t know what he wants anymore.
“Whoa, there!” Baekhyun catches him by the elbow as the floor dips suddenly. They help him to the sofa and Baekhyun leaves Jongin and an ice pack with Chanyeol before returning to the stove. Jongin turns on the TV. Conan’s on.
“Do you want to watch something else?” Jongin whispers into his cheek, his body still radiating heat from the shower slung along the armrest and sofa back. Chanyeol shakes his head and leans back. This is nice, he hasn’t had time for cartoons in awhile. Jongin drops the remote, already chuckling at something on the screen. Chanyeol licks his lips and forces himself not to stare at Jongin’s profile. He tries to focus on the details of the mystery but Baekhyun keeps distracting him, glancing over towards the sofa as he burns their breakfast.
Chanyeol is... confused. He realizes this as soon as Baekhyun and Jongin leave together for the station, leaving him alone in an empty room with an empty bed that is too full of extra blankets. So he emails Kris about it. Nothing specific, just a brief mention of a very general sort of confusion slipped in between carefully composed lines about the wintry weather and his term paper on the chemistry of cobalt glazes. Kris apparently agrees with Baekhyun that this is serious and promptly makes a Skype appointment with Chanyeol.
“Have you talked to Luhan much lately?” Kris’ voice sounds carefully neutral, like he’s critiquing one of Kyungsoo’s cooking experiments with what Minseok calls “diplomatic honesty”. Chanyeol isn’t used to that tone of voice, at least not directed at him.
“I talked to him on Christmas,” Chanyeol says quickly, stirring his mug of hot chocolate with a bent spoon. “Well, it was on his Christmas. Why? Have you?”
“Mmhm.” Kris pushes up the sleeves of his jersey. Maybe it’s just the crappy webcam, but his face looks hollow, the skin under his eyes sunken and bruised.
“And?”
“He seems to think you’re upset with him.”
“Me? Upset with him? I told him it wasn’t a big deal my present’s coming late!” If anything, the apology Luhan emailed last week made Chanyeol feel better, since he had totally forgotten to even look for Luhan’s gift until Jongin reminded him about it the night of the recital.
“And there’s nothing else bothering you?” Kris prods. Chanyeol tries to focus on Kris’ teeth nibbling at his thin lips, instead of the picture of Luhan smiling next to someone else. “Chanyeol, Luhan can’t make it up to you if he doesn’t know why you’re mad.”
“I’m not--!” Chanyeol huffs into his mug and a rush of steam billows up. “Look, I’m not mad, I’m just…” Lonely. Miserable. Slightly Jealous. That’s all.
“Ok, ok.” Kris slides a hand through his freshly bleached hair and Chanyeol’s next breath comes easier now that he’s backing off. He takes a sip, swirls the chocolate under his tongue. “Oh, and I got an email from Baekhyun.” Chanyeol chokes on a tiny dehydrated marshmallow.
“My Baekhyun? Byun Baek?”
“Yeah, I didn’t understand all of his Korean, but--”
“Haha, his typos are like, on another level!” Baekhyun rambles worse on the phone than he does in person, and worst of all in text. It’s like some weird side effect of his constant chattering that only gets more noticeable at greater degrees of separation.
“...But he seemed worried about you. He said something about Jongin?” Ok, now that’s just not fair. Baekhyun and Kris are both his friends, and maybe they’ve met a few times as well, but communicating about it behind Chanyeol’s back means they’re blowing this way out of proportion. Chanyeol is fine. Chanyeol has everything under control.
“Jongin helped me with a class project, that’s all. Why did Baek email you about that?” Better question, why is Kris calling about it all the way from Canada?
“No need to get defensive, Yeol, I’m just asking if... everything’s ok.”
“Things are fine, dandy. They would even be approaching perfect, if only ceramics museums weren’t so dusty. I’ve been sneezing so much the ahjumma at the maejom asked if I invented winter allergies!” Kris laughs, under his breath but it’s still a laugh, and Chanyeol joins him with an exhale of relief.
“Well... ok. But whatever’s going on, you should... be careful. Proceed with caution,” Kris advises in his older brother tone.
“But there’s really nothing going on.” Something stirs in Chanyeol’s chest, little rodent toenails clicking, and he realizes he’s irritated. Slightly mad. Not at Luhan or anyone in particular, but because people keep assuming things. And because three phone calls later he still has no idea what everyone’s getting upset over.
“Oh hey, before I forget, can you swing by my apartment just to check on things? Yixing texted Soo last night that he maybe left the bathroom sink on.” Chanyeol can hear Kris’ mental face palm through the quiver in his voice.
“Uh, sure thing hyung!” Chanyeol tries to bite back a laugh. No wonder Kris looks so tired, he probably didn’t sleep a wink last night worrying about the water bill and black mold growth. “I’ll swing by on the way home from class.”
“Thanks, man. Call me if you need anything.”
“‘Kay, bye.”
******
Chanyeol isn’t on campus as much after his winter class ends in January and Baekhyun heads back to Busan right after Seollal, but Jongin still comes out to Chanyeol’s officetel all through February, for games and TV and beer and stuff. It’s weird that his apartment’s full again, full of Jongin and Jongdae and sometimes Minseok when Taeyeon's busy, but it’s nice.
Kyungsoo comes back from his aunt’s after Seollal with a stack of slightly yellowed lace doilies for Kris and two kilos of chocolate pound cake for Chanyeol and Jongdae. Chanyeol puts the doilies in his closet to pass on to Kris and calls Jongin. They finish both cakes, with a little help from Kyungsoo and Krystal, in one sitting.
The next day Chanyeol goes shopping for Luhan’s Valentine’s present with no idea what to buy and comes home with a bag full of random assorted objects. He could always try to pass it off as a gift basket type of thing, but there's not really a theme to the stuff he bought. Is it bad that everything reminds him of Luhan? Things as mundane as Luhan's favorite ginseng candy chews and things as obscure as wooly knit gloves the exact shade of Luhan's turquoise sweater.
Chanyeol finds an empty soju box at the supermarket and sets the bag next to it on his table. For the next week he keeps looking at it and thinking about mailing it and not actually going to the post office.
(part six here) (part eight here)