(no subject)
Tomorrow, I have to stand up in front of around 70 people and read poetry.
Oh god, what the hell am I doing? I hate public speaking; I hate reading aloud and I hate reading poetry aloud. Especially poetry I wrote months ago and now, every time I look at it, I cringe at the clumsiness and the lack of depth. But I can't change the words on the paper, because I can't seem to find the words to replace them.
I don't even know what to expect from this event. I don't know how formal/informal it will be. I don't know what sort of poetry other people will be reading. I don't know who will be in the audience (except, at least a good handful of them will be my family, due to a mass text my mum sent out).
All I know is that I'm terrified. Because in my head, I think I know what's going to happen. I'm going to fall flat on my face (ala Year 6 Bugsy Malone performance). I'm going to pull some ridiculous 'concentrating' face (ala Year 5 Grease performance). I'm going to mumble and stumble over phrases with too many syllables squeezed into too small a space. I'm going to swear by accident, then continue swearing profusely in an attempt to apologise for swearing. I'm going to grow a second head, and then attempt to sing a duet with myself while doing the macarena.
So now I'm going to go to sleep and stop worrying. And then tomorrow, I will go over my selected poems, scribble out any words or lines they don't need, practise reading them aloud, then I'll meet my friend at the theatre and read poetry about squirrels or the televisions or whatever else I've written about.
And then I'll watch Doctor Who and eat chilli-con-carne.