The wolves all cry to fill the night with hollering. . . .
Things are evening out -- the kind-of-awful thing is that this doesn't affect us day-to-day much at all, because we didn't see his parents more than a few times a year.
It's still a Thing to deal with, and I feel frustrated and awkward a lot, because there's nothing I can really offer to anyone in the way of fixing it. So I try to stay out of the way, mostly, and try to be available to the extent that it won't tear down what stability I've built.
So I sit here and work on a pony as a surprise for my girlfriend, using pearl paint my mother gave me at least fifteen years ago, and which is still good. There's some sort of lesson there, but I've really lost my taste for that kind of thing. I'm tired of learning, I'm tired of trying to spin gold from the straw I'm left to bed down in, I'm tired of every year being a hard year, and more tired of every year being a hard year for people that I love.
I don't want lessons. I want magic.
And I have that, in some measure, which is why I won't spit on last year despite the general suckery of it. It put me back on the map as a human being, and I'm grateful for that, even though everything is a mass of tingling pain because I'm like a sleeping limb coming awake, only inside. And all over.
The pony Patreon proceeds apace. I'm proud of myself. Really, truly proud. I'm doing so well. Not just in terms of donations, though that's pretty amazing, but in terms of what I've been able to do. I've worked on pony stuff nearly every night for at least a little while, and even when I have off days -- like today, dear god, I can't handle a brush to save my life -- I usually have something to show for it.
Thanks to a very, very generous donation, The Actual Bear and I were able to order thirty hanks of hair. THIRTY. Add in the three freebies that the nice folks at Dollyhair.com threw in, and that's 33 hanks, all but five of which are colors I didn't already have.
Here's what that looks like:
And I think Smooch speaks for us all when he says *snort* *schlurp* *grunt*:
Thank you, Elizabeth. We are very, very grateful. This will give us a great jump start on restocking my art supplies.
I hope this year brings better for all of us, and inflicts the awfulness we've all had to endure on those who truly deserve it.
X-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment count:
It's still a Thing to deal with, and I feel frustrated and awkward a lot, because there's nothing I can really offer to anyone in the way of fixing it. So I try to stay out of the way, mostly, and try to be available to the extent that it won't tear down what stability I've built.
So I sit here and work on a pony as a surprise for my girlfriend, using pearl paint my mother gave me at least fifteen years ago, and which is still good. There's some sort of lesson there, but I've really lost my taste for that kind of thing. I'm tired of learning, I'm tired of trying to spin gold from the straw I'm left to bed down in, I'm tired of every year being a hard year, and more tired of every year being a hard year for people that I love.
I don't want lessons. I want magic.
And I have that, in some measure, which is why I won't spit on last year despite the general suckery of it. It put me back on the map as a human being, and I'm grateful for that, even though everything is a mass of tingling pain because I'm like a sleeping limb coming awake, only inside. And all over.
The pony Patreon proceeds apace. I'm proud of myself. Really, truly proud. I'm doing so well. Not just in terms of donations, though that's pretty amazing, but in terms of what I've been able to do. I've worked on pony stuff nearly every night for at least a little while, and even when I have off days -- like today, dear god, I can't handle a brush to save my life -- I usually have something to show for it.
Thanks to a very, very generous donation, The Actual Bear and I were able to order thirty hanks of hair. THIRTY. Add in the three freebies that the nice folks at Dollyhair.com threw in, and that's 33 hanks, all but five of which are colors I didn't already have.
Here's what that looks like:
And I think Smooch speaks for us all when he says *snort* *schlurp* *grunt*:
Thank you, Elizabeth. We are very, very grateful. This will give us a great jump start on restocking my art supplies.
I hope this year brings better for all of us, and inflicts the awfulness we've all had to endure on those who truly deserve it.
X-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment count: