I tried the "I" statements for a while with my husband when he was being a dickhead. He would then "helpfully" explain to me how I ought not to be feeling that way, but some other way, because all he did was perfect and appropriate. *rage* So I went back to "you" statements, which made him really mad, but at least he wasn't "helpfully" explaining how wrong I was; he was at least defensive and mad, too.
Actually, direct confrontation like that was seldom helpful. What was, many would call passive-aggressive. *shrugs*
Oh, except for this: he'd use some word directed at me or something I'd done that was insulting or a put-down. I'd call him on it. He'd claim he didn't mean it THAT way; he meant it in some obscure definition that was, say, 12th out of 15 possible definitions, with the first 8 being insulting. I know because we started to look them up in the dictionary. I would then him how, as an educated man, he could be UNAWARE that only a very obscure alternative def was benign, and that the top 8 were offensive??? He actually cut that crap out pretty quickly when I started that approach, and not having fairly frequent subtle put-downs helped me and our relationship a LOT.
Actually, direct confrontation like that was seldom helpful. What was, many would call passive-aggressive. *shrugs*
Oh, except for this: he'd use some word directed at me or something I'd done that was insulting or a put-down. I'd call him on it. He'd claim he didn't mean it THAT way; he meant it in some obscure definition that was, say, 12th out of 15 possible definitions, with the first 8 being insulting. I know because we started to look them up in the dictionary. I would then him how, as an educated man, he could be UNAWARE that only a very obscure alternative def was benign, and that the top 8 were offensive??? He actually cut that crap out pretty quickly when I started that approach, and not having fairly frequent subtle put-downs helped me and our relationship a LOT.
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