Hi Naamah, bifemme and I just got done talking and I'd love to be a support for you. Another LJ friend of mine, paper_goldfish, was a tremendous help for me b/c she had just lost her mom to brain cancer when my mom was dying from her cancer.
Where to start? If you want, check out my kstockwoman LJ b/c that is where I focused journal entries about what I went through w/ my mom. Her passing was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed in my life! But I'm still hurting and I'm still grieving b/c I miss her so very much. She died Jan. 5, 2004.
I highly recommend you obtain a copy of "Final Gifts". It's a book written by hospice nurses that provides understanding of the needs & communications of the dying. I am so glad I read this book! It really helped me to connect with my mom and to make my last days with her so incredibly special. I was able to understand my dreams I had about her and I was able to understand what she was communicating to us in the end. She truly was in the presence of angels and was so at peace. (I have tears in my eyes right now as I type this and remember this.)
My mom had pancreatic cancer. In May '03 she was first diagnosed and given a prognosis of 3 months. In my anger at this news I threw over my coffee table and cried out! No way was I only going to have 3 more months with my mom! In June '03 she went in for surgery to remove the tumor on the bile duct in her liver. This procedure was called the 'Whipple'. If we knew then what we know now about this surgery, we never would've had her gone through that. She also went through chemo/radiation and didn't really have a problem with that.
Her life was extended but not by much and the amount of pain she had to endure come Dec. '03 was so not worth the efforts of trying to treat this f'ing pissant aggressive cancer. It breaks my heart that she had to endure so much. But it was so important to her to have as much life as she could so she could spend Christmas with us one last time! It's as if she clung on to life in order to fulfill this last wish of hers.
Get your mom in hospice as soon as possible. Hospice workers are the best! They are like midwives who bring babies into this world except they are angels who help the dying transition to what's next. My sister is now a hospice volunteer. She's been trained and has learned a lot about pancreatic cancer. She told me about the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and I highly recommend you check out their site: www.pancan.com
Please don't hesitate to contact me to ask any questions that may come up. The advice I got from paper_goldfish was to treat each day as if it was the last with my mom and that's what I did. Nothing was left unsaid and she passed away without there being any regrets. My heart still aches and I still cry but I'm doing okay.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry you lost your mother, but I'm glad that her crossing was a peaceful thing. None of us can hope for more than that.
I will definitely check out that book. Thank you for the recommendation.
If she gets to the point where she needs more/better care than we can give her, I will encourage her to go into a hospice. Right now she's surprisingly spry, and they tell me that she very well might be functional and on her feet until the very very end. That would be nice. She's an independent cuss.
I'll go through your other journal . . . just . . . thank you so much for making that available to me. It helps a lot to know that someone else has gone through the same thing and come out the other side okay. It's all been so sudden . . . that you were able to make peace with your mother and that she passed well is incredibly reassuring.
Where to start? If you want, check out my kstockwoman LJ b/c that is where I focused journal entries about what I went through w/ my mom. Her passing was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed in my life! But I'm still hurting and I'm still grieving b/c I miss her so very much. She died Jan. 5, 2004.
I highly recommend you obtain a copy of "Final Gifts". It's a book written by hospice nurses that provides understanding of the needs & communications of the dying. I am so glad I read this book! It really helped me to connect with my mom and to make my last days with her so incredibly special. I was able to understand my dreams I had about her and I was able to understand what she was communicating to us in the end. She truly was in the presence of angels and was so at peace. (I have tears in my eyes right now as I type this and remember this.)
My mom had pancreatic cancer. In May '03 she was first diagnosed and given a prognosis of 3 months. In my anger at this news I threw over my coffee table and cried out! No way was I only going to have 3 more months with my mom! In June '03 she went in for surgery to remove the tumor on the bile duct in her liver. This procedure was called the 'Whipple'. If we knew then what we know now about this surgery, we never would've had her gone through that. She also went through chemo/radiation and didn't really have a problem with that.
Her life was extended but not by much and the amount of pain she had to endure come Dec. '03 was so not worth the efforts of trying to treat this f'ing pissant aggressive cancer. It breaks my heart that she had to endure so much. But it was so important to her to have as much life as she could so she could spend Christmas with us one last time! It's as if she clung on to life in order to fulfill this last wish of hers.
Get your mom in hospice as soon as possible. Hospice workers are the best! They are like midwives who bring babies into this world except they are angels who help the dying transition to what's next. My sister is now a hospice volunteer. She's been trained and has learned a lot about pancreatic cancer. She told me about the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and I highly recommend you check out their site: www.pancan.com
Please don't hesitate to contact me to ask any questions that may come up. The advice I got from paper_goldfish was to treat each day as if it was the last with my mom and that's what I did. Nothing was left unsaid and she passed away without there being any regrets. My heart still aches and I still cry but I'm doing okay.
Lots of love!
Reply
I will definitely check out that book. Thank you for the recommendation.
If she gets to the point where she needs more/better care than we can give her, I will encourage her to go into a hospice. Right now she's surprisingly spry, and they tell me that she very well might be functional and on her feet until the very very end. That would be nice. She's an independent cuss.
I'll go through your other journal . . . just . . . thank you so much for making that available to me. It helps a lot to know that someone else has gone through the same thing and come out the other side okay. It's all been so sudden . . . that you were able to make peace with your mother and that she passed well is incredibly reassuring.
Reply
Leave a comment