PANIC ATTACK CAPSLOCK
The stupid thing about being stalked by panic attacks is that they DON'T MAKE SENSE. There is literally no reasoning with them. Sometimes they are set off by nothing at all.
One minute I'm all "Hoo-de-ho . . . ponies ponies . . . why DO I actually like Lady GaGa's music . . . hey I'd like some Twizzlers . . . awww yeah writin' pooooorn this is fucking sweeeeet."
And then it's like "Pictures of pugs and corgis . . . I feel kinda weird . . . I like that jacket . . . yeah, shit can't be this nice forever, btw, no point in making plans . . . that keyboard riff sounds like Journey but I can't remember which song . . . wow, this isn't fun anymore and I REALLY don't feel so hot maybe should lay down . . . ooh, tattoo art tee shirts . . . what is WRONG WITH ME, JESUS . . . oh right I need to research split-hoofed mammals and--OMFG DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR INDIGESTION MEANS YOU ARE GOING TO DIE . . . nice pictures of Michael Fassben--DIE DO YOU HEAR ME DIE . . . gonna play Borderlan--MIGHT AS WELL BE TOMORROW FOR ALL THE DIFFERENCE IT WILL MAKE BECAUSE DEAD FOREVER . . . oh hey more pictures of pugs and corg--LEAVE NOW IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE! FUCK! FUUUUUUUUCK! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
And then you try to figure out what triggered it, and that just makes you think about horrible shit, which makes it worse.
And then some stupid motherfucker always wants to butt in and tell you "CHEER UP AND THINK POSITIVE HEY HEY GURL DID U KNOW THAT IF YOU THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS BAD SHIT HAPPENS TO U IT'S LIKE MAGIC ONLY REAL AND MORE ZEN SPIRITUAL AND PROVED BY SOME QUANTUM STATE LAW OF ATTRACTION OR SOME SHIT ANYWAY I READ ABOUT IT IN THIS BOOK AND IT TOTALLY WORKS ALSO HAVE U TRIED WARM BATHS AND CHICKEN SOUP AND CHOCOLATE I HEAR THAT RELEASES THE SAME BRAIN CHEMICALS THAT MAKE POT SO AWESOME AND YOU WILL BE TOTALLY CHILL AND SHIT BUT TAKING UR PRESCRIPTION MEDS FOR IT IS NOT NATURAL SO MAYBE JUST STOP FEELING LIKE THAT AND U WILL FEEL BETTER."
Yeeeeah.
I'm not freaking out or anything, I haven't had a full-blown panic meltdown in years, but I can feel it circling and trying to close in. It's mostly just annoying at this point, and I wish it would just pounce me or fuck off already.
X-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment count:
One minute I'm all "Hoo-de-ho . . . ponies ponies . . . why DO I actually like Lady GaGa's music . . . hey I'd like some Twizzlers . . . awww yeah writin' pooooorn this is fucking sweeeeet."
And then it's like "Pictures of pugs and corgis . . . I feel kinda weird . . . I like that jacket . . . yeah, shit can't be this nice forever, btw, no point in making plans . . . that keyboard riff sounds like Journey but I can't remember which song . . . wow, this isn't fun anymore and I REALLY don't feel so hot maybe should lay down . . . ooh, tattoo art tee shirts . . . what is WRONG WITH ME, JESUS . . . oh right I need to research split-hoofed mammals and--OMFG DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR INDIGESTION MEANS YOU ARE GOING TO DIE . . . nice pictures of Michael Fassben--DIE DO YOU HEAR ME DIE . . . gonna play Borderlan--MIGHT AS WELL BE TOMORROW FOR ALL THE DIFFERENCE IT WILL MAKE BECAUSE DEAD FOREVER . . . oh hey more pictures of pugs and corg--LEAVE NOW IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE! FUCK! FUUUUUUUUCK! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
And then you try to figure out what triggered it, and that just makes you think about horrible shit, which makes it worse.
And then some stupid motherfucker always wants to butt in and tell you "CHEER UP AND THINK POSITIVE HEY HEY GURL DID U KNOW THAT IF YOU THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS BAD SHIT HAPPENS TO U IT'S LIKE MAGIC ONLY REAL AND MORE ZEN SPIRITUAL AND PROVED BY SOME QUANTUM STATE LAW OF ATTRACTION OR SOME SHIT ANYWAY I READ ABOUT IT IN THIS BOOK AND IT TOTALLY WORKS ALSO HAVE U TRIED WARM BATHS AND CHICKEN SOUP AND CHOCOLATE I HEAR THAT RELEASES THE SAME BRAIN CHEMICALS THAT MAKE POT SO AWESOME AND YOU WILL BE TOTALLY CHILL AND SHIT BUT TAKING UR PRESCRIPTION MEDS FOR IT IS NOT NATURAL SO MAYBE JUST STOP FEELING LIKE THAT AND U WILL FEEL BETTER."
Yeeeeah.
I'm not freaking out or anything, I haven't had a full-blown panic meltdown in years, but I can feel it circling and trying to close in. It's mostly just annoying at this point, and I wish it would just pounce me or fuck off already.
X-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment count: