On Being PC.
I haven't been much with the talky feminist shit lately, I've been too tired to deal with the fallout, but I got accused of being "politically correct" recently.
You know what? I don't even know what the fuck that means. I honestly don't. Clearly, that person felt persecuted and threatened, which is pretty goddamn ironic when you think about it, because they were buying into some detailed upfuckery re: sexism and fatphobia (it's only Tuesday and its already been an especially fatty-hating week on the internet).
Personally, I don't use that term, ever, because people hate it so much, and because it's used as an insult more often than as a descriptor. I hate the way it's often used to dismiss the entirety of what a person is saying. I also think it's inadequate, distant, and unnecessarily sanitary.
But, yeah, I guess I'm "politically correct" to the extent that if a woman says that something is sexist, I expect people to listen, because I know that woman is probably primed to see sexism in a way that most men and even many women are not.
If a person of color says that something is racist, I listen to what they have to say, because I don't share that culture, and so I trust that person to see bias against their own group better than I.
If a queer person says that something is homophobic, I pay attention, because I assume that they know homophobia when they see it far better than I do.
If a fat person says that something is offensive, obnoxious, or is in some way a stereotypically unpleasant utterance, I listen up, because this, too, is a thing we are not culturally taught to see.
And, to the left of all of that, if any one of those people fails to say anything about a questionable thing, I don't assume it's automatically okay. Hell, even having them back me up, while nice, is not infallible. Plenty of women laugh at sexist jokes. Plenty of fat people hate fat people. One person cannot give the permission of a whole group. I don't assume that because I have one person's approval, I have everyone's. I try not to mistake an individual for a group.
What fucking infuriates me the most is when people who speak out against stupid, biased bullshit are told they are imagining things, overreacting, or being too emotional. I am sick of being told that I am oversensitive or that I am just looking for something at which to take offense. I'm sick of being told I'm too close to the issue to judge, and I'm sick of being told that I'm taking things out of context.
Let me explain something. I don't need context to know that certain things are not okay, because certain things cannot be made okay by context.
This is why, the longer I live, the more uncomfortable I become with what most people consider to be funny, and even things that people consider to be heartwarming. This is why mainstream media and commercials literally make me want to ralph. This is why, as I get older, I suddenly wonder why I ever thought such-and-so a thing was funny, and what I got out of it in the first place.
Folks, a lot of the time it just doesn't matter how things are meant. You still need to be careful how you say things, context be hanged. Why? Because the most patronizing, pigfucking, snotlicking piles of horsefuck you can possibly imagine will look you dead in the eye and tell you that they didn't mean anything by the hateful generalization they just made. And they truly believe that.
In fact, because they don't perceive anything harmful in the words, they are perplexed as to why anyone would, and when someone attempts to correct or educate them, they often react as though they have been attacked. To them, what they said was harmless, or meant in fun, or not really serious. Why, then, this blind-side assault on their self-expression?
If you look at it that way, it's no wonder they feel oppressed!
So when you say something others think is sexist or racist or whatever, and they call you on it, and you come back with immediate denial, it's like sphincter-print camoflage. It makes you look just like all the other assholes. And you can't see why.
This is what happens when you have blind spots, folks. People sock you in them. You run afoul of someone who can see what you're doing, even if you don't realize you're doing it, and when they point it out, you will often lunge straight into their outstretched finger and get poked in the eye. Because you are blind. The great irony is that, if you think people are constantly poking you in the eye, you are a lot less likely to open your eye, aren't you? Even though that's the only cure for this sort of blindness: look where the fuck you are going before you go there.
All I can do is to tell people, over and over again, that if you suddenly experience a flood of people telling you that you are wrong about something, if you are pissing people off left and right, then those people are the ones who are best-equipped to perceive hostility directed at their own group, and you probably have some listening to do.
It's a myth that if you lose one physical sense, the others four sharpen to compensate. The same is, alas, true of mental faculties as well. Being ignorant, especially deliberately ignorant, does not grant you any advantages in life whatsoever. A lack of caring about groups not your own does not indicate any strength of character, show force of will, or provide evidence of any justifiable pride in self.
This sort of eager selfishness is the default setting for most of humanity. It means you are not questioning. That you are shut down. It may be easier to get along in your own group if you stick to it, but you're going to stunt yourself as a human being, and people are going to catch on to that and avoid -- or attack -- you because you are probably pretty unpleasant to be around. As in, you probably keep saying fucking stupid shit, and then getting all butthurt when people call you on it.*
I will give you another hint, free of charge. If it is more important to you to emphasize that you are the shining exception to the bigoted rule, if it is more important to you to explain why you are right or why you didn't mean it that way, than it is for you to stop and listen to what the other person is saying, you're basically confirming their worst opinions outright: that you are a person who values your own voice above the informed words of a person from a group over which your own very likely has a significant cultural advantage.
If you are not a racist, sexist, fatphobic, homophobic ape-felcher with all the personal grace of a plug of congealed, bituminous iguana semen, and you don't want to be perceived as one, don't say shit that makes you look like one.
How hard is that? Really? How hard is not looking like a cold lump of lizard jizz?
In other news, my choice of a blindness metaphor is in no way meant to be offensive, and the fact that I'm making that statement pretty much puts the irony cherry on top of the whole sordid sundae.
I swear I didn't mean it like that.
. . . I cannot fucking win today, I swear to god.
* Being an asshole and not getting butthurt when people call you on it is not really any better, despite the fact that it is superficially cooler. It merely reduces your apparent stupidity by about as much as it raises your apparent insufferability. Some people don't care that they are assholes. Surprisingly enough, this does not make them not assholes.
You know what? I don't even know what the fuck that means. I honestly don't. Clearly, that person felt persecuted and threatened, which is pretty goddamn ironic when you think about it, because they were buying into some detailed upfuckery re: sexism and fatphobia (it's only Tuesday and its already been an especially fatty-hating week on the internet).
Personally, I don't use that term, ever, because people hate it so much, and because it's used as an insult more often than as a descriptor. I hate the way it's often used to dismiss the entirety of what a person is saying. I also think it's inadequate, distant, and unnecessarily sanitary.
But, yeah, I guess I'm "politically correct" to the extent that if a woman says that something is sexist, I expect people to listen, because I know that woman is probably primed to see sexism in a way that most men and even many women are not.
If a person of color says that something is racist, I listen to what they have to say, because I don't share that culture, and so I trust that person to see bias against their own group better than I.
If a queer person says that something is homophobic, I pay attention, because I assume that they know homophobia when they see it far better than I do.
If a fat person says that something is offensive, obnoxious, or is in some way a stereotypically unpleasant utterance, I listen up, because this, too, is a thing we are not culturally taught to see.
And, to the left of all of that, if any one of those people fails to say anything about a questionable thing, I don't assume it's automatically okay. Hell, even having them back me up, while nice, is not infallible. Plenty of women laugh at sexist jokes. Plenty of fat people hate fat people. One person cannot give the permission of a whole group. I don't assume that because I have one person's approval, I have everyone's. I try not to mistake an individual for a group.
What fucking infuriates me the most is when people who speak out against stupid, biased bullshit are told they are imagining things, overreacting, or being too emotional. I am sick of being told that I am oversensitive or that I am just looking for something at which to take offense. I'm sick of being told I'm too close to the issue to judge, and I'm sick of being told that I'm taking things out of context.
Let me explain something. I don't need context to know that certain things are not okay, because certain things cannot be made okay by context.
This is why, the longer I live, the more uncomfortable I become with what most people consider to be funny, and even things that people consider to be heartwarming. This is why mainstream media and commercials literally make me want to ralph. This is why, as I get older, I suddenly wonder why I ever thought such-and-so a thing was funny, and what I got out of it in the first place.
Folks, a lot of the time it just doesn't matter how things are meant. You still need to be careful how you say things, context be hanged. Why? Because the most patronizing, pigfucking, snotlicking piles of horsefuck you can possibly imagine will look you dead in the eye and tell you that they didn't mean anything by the hateful generalization they just made. And they truly believe that.
In fact, because they don't perceive anything harmful in the words, they are perplexed as to why anyone would, and when someone attempts to correct or educate them, they often react as though they have been attacked. To them, what they said was harmless, or meant in fun, or not really serious. Why, then, this blind-side assault on their self-expression?
If you look at it that way, it's no wonder they feel oppressed!
So when you say something others think is sexist or racist or whatever, and they call you on it, and you come back with immediate denial, it's like sphincter-print camoflage. It makes you look just like all the other assholes. And you can't see why.
This is what happens when you have blind spots, folks. People sock you in them. You run afoul of someone who can see what you're doing, even if you don't realize you're doing it, and when they point it out, you will often lunge straight into their outstretched finger and get poked in the eye. Because you are blind. The great irony is that, if you think people are constantly poking you in the eye, you are a lot less likely to open your eye, aren't you? Even though that's the only cure for this sort of blindness: look where the fuck you are going before you go there.
All I can do is to tell people, over and over again, that if you suddenly experience a flood of people telling you that you are wrong about something, if you are pissing people off left and right, then those people are the ones who are best-equipped to perceive hostility directed at their own group, and you probably have some listening to do.
It's a myth that if you lose one physical sense, the others four sharpen to compensate. The same is, alas, true of mental faculties as well. Being ignorant, especially deliberately ignorant, does not grant you any advantages in life whatsoever. A lack of caring about groups not your own does not indicate any strength of character, show force of will, or provide evidence of any justifiable pride in self.
This sort of eager selfishness is the default setting for most of humanity. It means you are not questioning. That you are shut down. It may be easier to get along in your own group if you stick to it, but you're going to stunt yourself as a human being, and people are going to catch on to that and avoid -- or attack -- you because you are probably pretty unpleasant to be around. As in, you probably keep saying fucking stupid shit, and then getting all butthurt when people call you on it.*
I will give you another hint, free of charge. If it is more important to you to emphasize that you are the shining exception to the bigoted rule, if it is more important to you to explain why you are right or why you didn't mean it that way, than it is for you to stop and listen to what the other person is saying, you're basically confirming their worst opinions outright: that you are a person who values your own voice above the informed words of a person from a group over which your own very likely has a significant cultural advantage.
If you are not a racist, sexist, fatphobic, homophobic ape-felcher with all the personal grace of a plug of congealed, bituminous iguana semen, and you don't want to be perceived as one, don't say shit that makes you look like one.
How hard is that? Really? How hard is not looking like a cold lump of lizard jizz?
In other news, my choice of a blindness metaphor is in no way meant to be offensive, and the fact that I'm making that statement pretty much puts the irony cherry on top of the whole sordid sundae.
I swear I didn't mean it like that.
. . . I cannot fucking win today, I swear to god.
* Being an asshole and not getting butthurt when people call you on it is not really any better, despite the fact that it is superficially cooler. It merely reduces your apparent stupidity by about as much as it raises your apparent insufferability. Some people don't care that they are assholes. Surprisingly enough, this does not make them not assholes.