Well. That Will Be Enough of That.
I don't think it will come as a surprise when I say that the quality of my posting has declined over the past couple of months, to say nothing of the quantity. Also, it won't have escaped notice that my replying and commenting has slacked off most atrociously.
I feel I ought to apologize, and explain. And yes, I'm glad - or not so glad - to report that there is a reason for all of this, and it's being amended. Thank goodness.
Even after being put on the good stuff and coming out of the black pit of depression that had swallowed me, I still found myself off-balance, slow-thinking, and in generally poor mental condition. At first I told myself it was the emotional knocking-around that I'd endured, and no doubt at first that was true.
It became apparent to me last weekend, however, that there was more to it than that. As it turns out, the antidepressant I was on was having what they charitably refer to as "cognitive effects." What this really means is my I.Q. plummeted by about 60 points. I was not depressed - far from it. My mood has improved greatly. I was simply unable to think or concentrate for more than a couple of minutes at a time.
I have been unable to read anything more demanding than LJ, unable to write anything at all, and even unable to think about more than one thing at once. In fact, at times I would find myself staring off into space for minutes at a time, sometimes as much as an hour, without thinking about anything at all.
This is how most people must feel all the time, but for me, it's a nightmarish imposition, altering my fundamental nature in an ugly way that I can't say I care for.
Worse, my libido shut down completely, and my sense of humor was circling the drain like a flushed cockroach, two things that always send up huge smoke-clouds of warning.
Back when I started taking these drugs, you all encouraged me to do what I had to do, but to also take care of myself and to be careful. In the interests of doing exactly that, I've carefully taken myself off of them over the past week, and made an appointment to see the doctor early next month to talk about other options. I'm in no hurry to start on another drug, though I do believe that Sargon, the doctor, and I need to have a plan in place for when things get ugly again, and I'm not ruling anything out at that point - anything to keep me from going to that place again.
It's enough for me to say that right now, I feel better than I have in ages, and though my brain is still not back up to 100%, or even 75%, I have regained my libido and my sense of humor, and will hopefully be posting more lively entries, if not more frequent ones. (I have so much stuff to catch up on it's not even funny.)
In other news, Sargon and I are (hopefully) leaving town tomorrow evening to spend some time with some old friends and get the rundown on a job offer he has received. More on that after the fact, as I really want to have more information before I release any news publicly. No sense in going on about something that may only work out to be a blip on the radar.
For now, I have to get to sleep, and before I do that I have to scritch a certain furry grey cat who is staring expectantly at me from under the table.
I feel I ought to apologize, and explain. And yes, I'm glad - or not so glad - to report that there is a reason for all of this, and it's being amended. Thank goodness.
Even after being put on the good stuff and coming out of the black pit of depression that had swallowed me, I still found myself off-balance, slow-thinking, and in generally poor mental condition. At first I told myself it was the emotional knocking-around that I'd endured, and no doubt at first that was true.
It became apparent to me last weekend, however, that there was more to it than that. As it turns out, the antidepressant I was on was having what they charitably refer to as "cognitive effects." What this really means is my I.Q. plummeted by about 60 points. I was not depressed - far from it. My mood has improved greatly. I was simply unable to think or concentrate for more than a couple of minutes at a time.
I have been unable to read anything more demanding than LJ, unable to write anything at all, and even unable to think about more than one thing at once. In fact, at times I would find myself staring off into space for minutes at a time, sometimes as much as an hour, without thinking about anything at all.
This is how most people must feel all the time, but for me, it's a nightmarish imposition, altering my fundamental nature in an ugly way that I can't say I care for.
Worse, my libido shut down completely, and my sense of humor was circling the drain like a flushed cockroach, two things that always send up huge smoke-clouds of warning.
Back when I started taking these drugs, you all encouraged me to do what I had to do, but to also take care of myself and to be careful. In the interests of doing exactly that, I've carefully taken myself off of them over the past week, and made an appointment to see the doctor early next month to talk about other options. I'm in no hurry to start on another drug, though I do believe that Sargon, the doctor, and I need to have a plan in place for when things get ugly again, and I'm not ruling anything out at that point - anything to keep me from going to that place again.
It's enough for me to say that right now, I feel better than I have in ages, and though my brain is still not back up to 100%, or even 75%, I have regained my libido and my sense of humor, and will hopefully be posting more lively entries, if not more frequent ones. (I have so much stuff to catch up on it's not even funny.)
In other news, Sargon and I are (hopefully) leaving town tomorrow evening to spend some time with some old friends and get the rundown on a job offer he has received. More on that after the fact, as I really want to have more information before I release any news publicly. No sense in going on about something that may only work out to be a blip on the radar.
For now, I have to get to sleep, and before I do that I have to scritch a certain furry grey cat who is staring expectantly at me from under the table.