Que La Fuck?

[naamah_darling]

Well, I'm not dead. Yet.

Christ. On a pony. This week has been so long I thought I would never see the end of it.

Do you even know what happens when you have insomnia so bad it keeps you from sleeping even though you have taken four sleeping pills? Oh. My. God

Comments

[dream_wind]

>> I feel good most days. I feel great sometimes. So why does it come out at night to bite me?

I hear you. By any Gods who are listening, I HEAR you.

When I'm positive, I can look at anything I've written, even crap, and say, hey, it's there, I can work on this. When I'm positive, I can exercise with joy and even take pride in cleaning, because it looks so nice when I'm done. When I'm positive, I can look at extremely difficult challenges and get stuck in with vigour. When I'm positive, that Latin just sinks into my skull first go.

When I'm negative, I'm so paralysed I can't write. When I'm negative, I have to force myself to exercise and don't push myself, because it's too hard. I don't clean, because what's the point, in 5 minutes it's only going to look like shit again anyway. When I'm negative, even slightly complex tasks have me so scared I can't breathe. When I'm negative, NOTHING is learned.

I've been in a negative space a lot, lately. And it's worse when I'm tired.

I've joined the uni's meditation group, and it's helping. On Thursday I got so focussed I was able to (temporarily) clear all the tension from my body, so I could breathe easily for the first time in a week.

I'm using the following tai chi exercise a lot too: stand up, with your hands open at your waist and facing upwards. Breathe in deeply, and raise your hands up to your chest. This draws postive energy into the body. Hold the breath for a second or two, then breathe out. As you breathe out, turn your hands over so the palms are facing down, and push them back down to your waist. This is pushing the negative energy out of the body. Repeat about 5 times, or more if you feel the need. Sometimes I have to repeat it every 15 minutes or so, but it does help.

[naamah_darling]

Meditation, breathing, and progressive muscular relaxation are incredibly effective techniques for managing all kinds of squirrelly brain-crap. They aren't a fix, but they enable you to at least get a handle on it. If the body is tense and unable to respond, the mind is also tense and unable to respond.

I've found deep breathing to be especially helpful.