Look Out For The Hole!
Bleargh.
Found out yesterday that I'm in worse financial straits than I thought. While none of this means I'll be starving, it's frustrating and a little scary to realize I'm in debt just from real-life stuff, and not because of anything stupid and thoughtless I did, like buying a ton of shit I don't need. This is all medical and vet bills, stuff that could not have been avoided. And there's more coming -- at the beginning of next year, I have to get my leg fixed, and I have to procure permanent birth control for one of us. It won't be cheap to do either, and our insurance has a bigger deductible than I thought. (Please, regarding the whole birth control thing: I truly appreciate the thought, but I don't need suggestions. I don't want to have the "I've tried that . . . and that . . . and that. . . ." conversation today. I know what I need to do.)
I haven't gotten paid yet for a project I completed two months ago, which means I haven't been able to afford to get my nephew a birthday present for his birthday. I feel terrible about it, since I really do care. And I found the perfect present, even; something so tasteless it makes the baby Jesus cry. I'm sure my sister, who is as depraved as I am, will love it. That's really who you're buying stuff for at this age -- the parents. And I, you know, genuinely for-real like her, so I won't get him anything that makes noise unless it's really, really cool. And they don't make cool toys for one-year-olds. (They don't make non-shmaltzy cards, either, as I discovered to my extreme chagrin.)
I know, I'm bitching. Sorry. Consider this a severe storm warning, since I don't actually seem to address my internal weather in public very often anymore, and I know there are some of you that I genuinely want to know what's going on. I promise the regular stupidity and snark will resume shortly.
This time of year usually makes me happy, but this year I'm just maudlin as Hell. I'm working on a project for a friend's birthday, but it's giving me a pain in the ass. I want it to be nice, dammit! I still need to start on Christmas presents for everyone.
And . . . ugh . . . Christmas. I don't know what's going to happen to my family now that my grandmother is gone. She was really the glue that held everyone together for the longest time.
I miss Thanksgiving and Christmas like it used to be, I miss feeling like a part of the family for a couple of days. Too much has changed, though (I'm as guilty as anyone else of being inaccessible and off-putting). I've been off in my own corner, licking my wounds and trying to decide where I fit in among all these people I've suddenly realized I don't know, and who don't know me, and in the meantime they've just passed me by.
I love my family, and I miss them. I just wish I felt like I could talk to them.
Gnarr. Stupid internet has no tone of voice. I'm not whining here, I'm just feeling frustrated and letting everyone know what's up with me, and why I maybe haven't been around as much as I have been in better times.
I'm casting off for now -- going to go write. I have to pound the "malfunctioning virgin detector" scene in Lady Silver into some sort of shape. Snarky humor should lift me up, or at least distract me.
Found out yesterday that I'm in worse financial straits than I thought. While none of this means I'll be starving, it's frustrating and a little scary to realize I'm in debt just from real-life stuff, and not because of anything stupid and thoughtless I did, like buying a ton of shit I don't need. This is all medical and vet bills, stuff that could not have been avoided. And there's more coming -- at the beginning of next year, I have to get my leg fixed, and I have to procure permanent birth control for one of us. It won't be cheap to do either, and our insurance has a bigger deductible than I thought. (Please, regarding the whole birth control thing: I truly appreciate the thought, but I don't need suggestions. I don't want to have the "I've tried that . . . and that . . . and that. . . ." conversation today. I know what I need to do.)
I haven't gotten paid yet for a project I completed two months ago, which means I haven't been able to afford to get my nephew a birthday present for his birthday. I feel terrible about it, since I really do care. And I found the perfect present, even; something so tasteless it makes the baby Jesus cry. I'm sure my sister, who is as depraved as I am, will love it. That's really who you're buying stuff for at this age -- the parents. And I, you know, genuinely for-real like her, so I won't get him anything that makes noise unless it's really, really cool. And they don't make cool toys for one-year-olds. (They don't make non-shmaltzy cards, either, as I discovered to my extreme chagrin.)
I know, I'm bitching. Sorry. Consider this a severe storm warning, since I don't actually seem to address my internal weather in public very often anymore, and I know there are some of you that I genuinely want to know what's going on. I promise the regular stupidity and snark will resume shortly.
This time of year usually makes me happy, but this year I'm just maudlin as Hell. I'm working on a project for a friend's birthday, but it's giving me a pain in the ass. I want it to be nice, dammit! I still need to start on Christmas presents for everyone.
And . . . ugh . . . Christmas. I don't know what's going to happen to my family now that my grandmother is gone. She was really the glue that held everyone together for the longest time.
I miss Thanksgiving and Christmas like it used to be, I miss feeling like a part of the family for a couple of days. Too much has changed, though (I'm as guilty as anyone else of being inaccessible and off-putting). I've been off in my own corner, licking my wounds and trying to decide where I fit in among all these people I've suddenly realized I don't know, and who don't know me, and in the meantime they've just passed me by.
I love my family, and I miss them. I just wish I felt like I could talk to them.
Gnarr. Stupid internet has no tone of voice. I'm not whining here, I'm just feeling frustrated and letting everyone know what's up with me, and why I maybe haven't been around as much as I have been in better times.
I'm casting off for now -- going to go write. I have to pound the "malfunctioning virgin detector" scene in Lady Silver into some sort of shape. Snarky humor should lift me up, or at least distract me.