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My heart hurts. It's been hurting for a while now, I think most days I forget what it was like when it was full of love. It's supposed to be right here in my chest but my mind makes it seem like it's beating in every corner of my body. I can just be lying down but it's a frenzy of panic inside me. I feel always ready for a danger that is not even physically present. My stomach refuses to take anything in. I get hungry and I eat but this panicking brain would not agree to digest it because that would mean all the blood would have to rush to my stomach and God forbid that I rest and digest in a state of fear.
But it doesn't stop at that. Of course it's perfect timing for my lungs to join the party after vomiting. Suddenly I'm breathing like I just ran a marathon. It's just that breathing after running feels much better. Breathing in an anxiety attack means it's about to get worse. Because a few seconds into it, my body feels like jelly and everything gets blurry and there's no choice but to cry it out just so everything would stop.
Science calls it a sympathetic response. It's weird because I don't feel my body sympathizing with me at all. If anything, it feels like torture.