fic: ryo, girl and uchi with a mention of pi
It was a simple band made from white gold. A circle full of trust and love. They say, buying a ring is a sign of commitment, that you are willing to forever be, together.
He remembered that saying now as he played with the ring, twisting it with his thumb. It adorned his ring finger of his right hand. He stared at it wistfully then had half a mind to throw it away.
The relationship with her could only be best described as a rocky one. There were moments of intense love and extreme anger. Their relationship could never be described as being placid; it was a constant roller coaster ride. As the months passed, he found it more and more difficult to put up with her tantrums, her needs. He thought he could handle it, but he was wrong. He wondered when it was that he began to feel this way, but found that he could not bear to find out. He just wanted it all to end. He could not take the stress, juggling both a career as an entertainer and being in a relationship with her. He decided then, as he sat on the swing of the empty playground that something had to go. And it wouldn’t be his career.
He recalled their last argument, one that had taken place just a few hours ago. He shook his head, thinking of the petty argument. They were so silly. He did now know why he kept on hurting her the way he did. It just seems so ridiculous now.
As he contemplated the thought of leaving her, he realized how foolish a move that will be. As much as she frustrated him, she brought him joy too. A feeling that he hadn’t felt for a long time, not since…
“I should go apologize” he thought, though he wasn’t sure as to why he had too. He stood up, getting ready to leave when he heard his name being called from behind.
“Ryo” she said, her voice barely a whisper.
“I was just about to go find you.” He said.
She took the few steps that would lead her to him. “I just wanted to, apologize. I’m sorry”
She stood before him, her eyes firmly locked into his. He couldn’t help but look away. Even now, he was struck by her beauty, his heart still pounded fast, like the first time he saw her. He still felt shy around her.
He wanted to reach out, to stoke her hair, to say it’s ok, I’m sorry too, but what came out instead was “Oh, is that it?”
He mentally gave himself a smack on his forehead. “Could I be even more stupid?”
He didn’t think he could bare to see the hurt that would be reflected in her eyes so he turned around, wanting to walk away.
“You stupid idiot” He chided to himself.
He nary took a few steps when he felt her arms snake across his waist, her head resting on his back. She had done that one thing, that one thing which she knew would make his knees go all jelly like; she had hugged him, hard, from behind.
“Don’t go. Please, don’t go”
He could hear the hurt in her voice, the pleading tone. He bit his lip and stared straight ahead. Then he felt her lips press softly to the back of his neck. He closed his eyes to savor the feeling and rested his hands on hers. He knew then that no matter what, this was worth holding on too.
He unclasped her arms from around his waist and turned, gathering her into his arms.
Hugging her tight, he played with her hair, curling one long strand around his finger.
“I’ll never leave” he promised.
And he looked at the simple band around his finger, forever and always.
~
It’s been five years now and things are still going strong. The relationship was still rocky but they understand one another better. They learned to compromise and give in. The ring still stayed firmly on his ring finger.
His career has skyrocketed too. K8 had achieved a modest amount of number one singles and albums and their concerts were a major success. They performed to a full house each time and the energy and support from the fans were overwhelming.
Even NEWS had rebounded from the temporary suspension. Their come back single, “Still Here” stayed on the Oricon Chart for at least a month and now, their fourth album is due to be released next week.
“I’m a lucky man”, he thought. Now at 27, he was still very much the same person as he was before. Mean tongue, wide smile, moley face and broken nose. He had matured more into his good looks and still retained the title of “Sexy Osaka Man”.
His last two dramas scored high ratings and his yet to be released movie was already garnering rave reviews from the critics. Now in the pipelines was talk of another solo concert and of course, concerts for both NEWS and K8.
“Yes, I am a lucky man.” He thought again.
“But why do I feel so hollow then? Like something’s missing?”
He had everything he could ask for. A girlfriend, a career, supportive friends and family. But yet..
“That’s cause he’s not here” a tiny voice said, coming from his heart.
And he knew then, that that was it.
Even now, after five years, Uchi is still not back. After all the hype, hope and promises, everything fell short. As the years passed, he gave up hope, bit by bit. He had not managed to keep in contact with him ever since he got suspended. He was too busy, then he met her and slowly, slowly, thoughts of Uchi kind of faded. What had been techni-coloured memories of him was soon reduced to a fuzzy black and white movie.
Until now. As he sat on the bench overlooking the sea, he felt a pang of intense of emotion. He realized he still missed the boy, very much so. He was only kidding himself when he thought he wasn’t. Thoughts of him flooded his mind and he felt just like the sea in front of him, all choppy and mixed up.
He thought he had kept the past well hidden, stuffing the memories into the deepest darkest corner of his heart, but he was wrong. He took a deep breath and brushed his palms against his cheeks, surprised at their dampness.
“There’s nothing I can do about it anymore.”
He stood up and jammed his hands into the pocket of his jeans, memories of Uchi stuffed back into its hole, right at the very bottom of his heart.
“I’ve got her to think about now.”
But the gold band, adorning his ring finger of his right hand felt like lead weight.
For the next three weeks, he tried to keep himself as busy as possible. He immersed himself into his work; planning for concerts, rehearsing for his next drama and spending time with her, his family and his friends. That episode on the beach still haunts him and he hopes that by tiring himself out with work, he will not miss Uchi too much. The feeling was becoming unbearable. He found himself comparing her to Uchi, though he wasn’t sure how that was possible. Each day, he fought the need to pick up his cell phone and send him a mail, to give him a ring, just to hear his voice on the other line. His plan to keep himself busy to forget Uchi seemed to work, if only for awhile.
He soon found himself on a three day break and he was unsure as to what to do with his time. His girlfriend was away, on a road trip with her girlfriends and most of the other members were back visiting their family. He chose to stay here in Tokyo, hoping that the busy city will swallow him whole with its noise and shiny neon lights. As he walked down the streets of Tokyo, he took in the sights around him. Teenage girls dressed up to the nines, giggling away with their friends, boys lounging around, cigarettes dangling coolly from their fingers and the harried working men and women, eyes downcast, walking fast to reach an unknown decision.
Here in the busy streets of Tokyo, he’s able to blend in. No one took a second glance at him, recognizing him as the idol, Nishikido Ryo. Of course, the cap jammed low on his head also helped to disguise him further.
He stopped in front of an idol shop where there, hanging by the window was an uchiwa of him. It was from the latest concert and he smiled, remembering that event. As he stared at the display, he realized that next to it, the shop owners had put an uchiwa of Uchi, from the Excite concert.
He was touched by that small gesture, that the store owner still had faith for his come back. He stood there for awhile, lost in his thoughts till someone bumped into him and moved on without saying sorry.
Shaking his head, Ryo continued on, but his hands fingered his cell phone, which was in the pocket of his jacket.
Back in his hotel room, he sat on one of chairs placed in the balcony. The view from his room was breath taking. He stared at the phone in his hand, playing with it, flipping it open and closing it again. Open, close, open, close, as he contemplated his next move. He stood up and rested his arms on the balcony railing, resting his head onto his arms.
“Just do it” the tiny voice in his heart said.
He straightened and flipped open his phone. Uchi’s number might have been deleted from his cell phone but he still knew the number. Slowly, he jabbed in the right digits and held his breath.
It rang, for the longest time and Ryo wished he hadn’t called. He was just about to hang up when the voice on the other line went “Hello, this is Uchi, who is that?”
“He-he-hello. Uchi? It’s me, Ryo.”
~
He sat waiting at a table by the window at the coffer place near his hotel. He was nervous. He kept fiddling with the sugar packets in front of him and placed one hand on his stomach. The contact of skin to skin comforted him a little. His eyes kept on darting to the door, waiting for someone to appear. He glanced at his watch strapped to his left wrist and realized that that person was already two minutes late.
“Stop being so paranoid already!” the voice in his heart said and he took a deep breath, in hopes that he would calm down. He started fiddling with his ring and stared at it, thinking if he should take it off. He was still contemplating his decision when he heard the jingle of bells placed on the door, to alert the shop owners that there was a customer. He looked up and his heart skipped a beat. Without thinking any further, he took of the ring and slipped it into his jean’s pocket.
He suddenly felt like a school girl on her very first date and realized that in a way, he was. He had not seen him for five years, and now, here he was. He stood up to greet his friend and held out his hand.
“Uchi” Ryo said.
Uchi just stood there, staring at Ryo as though he could not believe that he was there, right in front of him. Ryo was starting to feel uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny but held his ground. He began to think uneasily if this was a good idea. He was just about to speak when Uchi grabbed him and hugged him tight.
“Ryo..” He said.
Ryo was stunned. His arms dangled loosely at his side before he brought it around the younger man’s waist. He rested his head on his shoulders and breathed in that familiar smell of him. He felt tears gather in eyes and he squeezed them tight, not wanting to cry. After a while, he broke the hug and gestured for Uchi to seat.
The younger man settled his long frame into the chair; the table was small and underneath, their knees touched. Both of them smiled at the contact, thinking of happier times.
“So..” Ryo said, just as Uchi started to speak too.
With a laugh, he gestured at Uchi to start first. And once Uchi started to speak, the conversation just flowed. It felt so comfortable, being here with Uchi at the café by the sidewalk. He felt like himself. He still felt sorry that he was not able to keep in contact with him but the younger man had just brushed off his reasons, saying it’s okay, I understand.
They talked about everything and anything. What Uchi was up to- he had graduated from university with honours and is now working at a major advertisement firm- the latest movie and music, if Uchi still wanted to come back to the entertainment scene, which the younger man can only shrug, saying he doesn’t know and about their friends.
They sat there for long hours, ordering more coffee and snacks and laughing and in that period of time, thoughts of his girlfriend were gone.
Uchi still looked the same, though his eyes were more guarded and he wasn’t as skinny as before. He still had that slightly royal look, thanks to blue blood running through his veins and he still retained that same sense of humour.
“I missed you. It was so difficult at first, but I learned to cope with it. Seeing you now...” Uchi said and smiled tentatively, “Seeing you now, I feel happy, like a part of me is fulfilled.”
Ryo didn’t know what to say in response to that so he smiled, reached across the tiny table and intertwined his fingers with his long ones. He looked at the young man and saw the need in his eyes. He recognized that look of desire and he nods his head, knowing that Uchi understood that gesture. Quietly and slowly they stood up from the table and headed to his hotel, fingers still intertwined.
~
He stood up to get dress to get coffee for both of them, when he felt something under his feet. Bending down, he realized that it was the ring. He stared at it, stunned and realized that, he had cheated on her. He suddenly felt as though he had made a huge mistake. He turned to look at the younger man lying on the bed with the rumpled sheets and thought “Fuck, what have I done?”
He quickly dressed, stuffed the ring back into his pocket and grabbed his phone. He left a note for Uchi and walked out the door.
He suddenly felt suffocated with emotions and his head was swimming. He felt dizzy and had to bend down, to get the blood rushing back to his head. He stayed in that awkward position for a long time, taking deep steady breaths. Once he felt that he was better, he straightened and started to walk. He had just reached an empty park when his cell began to vibrate. He picked it up without looking at the id. It was her.
“Hey baby, I just called to let you know that I’m on my way back. Can’t talk now cause the reception is really bad. I hope you can hear me. I’ll see you soon, and baby, I have great news! Love you loads.” She hung up without him being able to get a word in. Normally he would have been pissed but looking at the circumstances now, he doesn’t think he has the right too.
He sat heavily on one of the park benches and hung his head. What have I done? The initial joy was now replaced with the feeling of extreme dread. He had not told Uchi about her nor had he told her about him. He took out the ring and stared at it. It glinted in the sunlight and he remembered his promise to her, “I’ll never leave.” He let out a roar of frustration, scaring a few kids who were playing nearby and he rammed his fingers through his hair. He felt at lost now. He picked up his phone, wanting to call someone to share his problems with but he realized he couldn’t. This was his mess; he will have to clear it up by himself. He waited for that tiny voice from his heart to tell him what to do next, as it had before but the voice was strangely quiet.
Frustrated and angry with no resolve in mind, he stood up, to get coffee from across the road, slipping the ring back onto his finger.
~
Uchi woke up and stretched. He reached for Ryo but was surprised that his side of the bed was empty. He sat up and realized that Ryo was gone. Then he spied the note, which was left on the bed stand next to him
I have to leave. Wait for me.
He did not even bother to leave his name! Uchi thought with disgust. He stood up and gathered his clothes. Once he was dressed, he called room service and patiently waited for Ryo, sitting at the chair placed by the balcony, which offered a breath taking view of Tokyo.
It had been several hours now but Ryo was still gone. He was bored. He had dialed Ryo’s cell a couple of times but to no avail. He had already read the papers delivered to the room along with his breakfast, cleaned up the bed and tidied up the room. He switched on the TV, thinking that he could waste some time watching cartoons. He was channel surfing when the news bulletin caught his attention.
“Oh no, it can’t be!” He thought and rushed out of the room, with the TV still on.
The scene of the accident was complete and utter chaos. The red and blue light from police cars and ambulances flashed constantly. Curious onlookers gathered at the sides, wanting to know what had happen and there was a traffic jam, as officials tried to clear away the debris. Uchi’s heart pounded wildly in his chest, his imagination going astray.
“Please let him be okay, please let him be ok, please god.” He prayed. He fought his way through the crowd to get a better view of the accident and his heart sank.
“There’s no way he could have survived that.” He thought. He grabbed the first official he saw and demanded details. Once he found out which hospital Ryo was sent too, he quickly made his way down, his fingers furiously dialing numbers of people he knew.
All of them waited bleakly by the hospital corridor. Members of NEWS and K8 were there, along with Jin, Kame and a girl he did not recognize. Ryo’s family was rushing down from Osaka and would be here soon. They were surprised to see him, hugging him, but they were more concerned with the person who was in the operating theatre.
A policeman came to give them details of the accident. He was crossing the road to get to the shop at the opposite side and did not notice the incoming car. The driver was not able to break in time and had hit him. The sudden brake by the car had caused another car to hit the car that had hit Ryo. When paramedics found him, he was unconscious but still alive. They rushed him to the hospital, where he was being operated still. The drivers of the two cars escaped without any major injuries.
“”We found this on him.” The policeman said and took out a small plastic case. In it was a gold band. There was an audible gasp from the girl and she began crying. Great, heaving sobs that shook her entire body. Yamapi held her close and tried to comfort her. No one was left with a dry eye. The policeman left the grieving group and gave the plastic case to Yamapi.
Not long after, the doctor appeared from the operating theatre, his operating gown stained with blood.
“Ryo’s blood” Uchi thought.
The doctor stood in front of the group, not saying anything. And everyone knew then, without a doubt, that Ryo was gone.
“I’m sorry.” The doctor said, “I tried my best.”
~
It has been over a year now and he still misses Ryo. The pain was so acute. He had found his love only to lose him again. He headed down to his grave and realized that there was a girl standing in front of it. In her arms was a small child. He recognized her as the girl from the hospital, though he did not have a chance to talk to her since then.
He stood beside her, closed his eyes and muttered a prayer. His hands reached out to touch the smooth marble of the headstone and placed a single flower. Both of them stood there, sharing the grief. Finally, he spoke up “You miss him?”
“Every single day.” She replied, her voice thick with emotion. Her eyes shone with unshed tears and he wondered who this girl was to Ryo. He noticed a gold band around her ring finger and another, which she wore around her neck.
“Is he yours?” He asked, reaching out to ruffle the boy’s hair. He was only a few months old, but yet, there was something familiar about him. He looked strangely like…
“Yeah. He’s ours. I wanted to tell him that I was… that I was pregnant, but he left.” And this time, tears spilled from her almond shape eyes, staining her cheeks with their dampness.
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” And she turned away, cradling the child in her arms.
Uchi stood there, stunned. He watched the girl walk away, her long hair swaying across her back.
The child was Ryo’s? He turned around to face the grave and realized that the one person that could have given him an answer was gone.
“That was why he had to leave.” Uchi thought. He stood staring at the grave and realized that he could not conjure up any emotion, did not know how to react. He was numb all over but he knew that he did not regret his short lived time spent with him. Those were memories he will forever keep. Forever and always.
nad (: