Ramblings of an empty human being
I'm slowly losing my grip on the awkward reality I live in. Everything seems hazy and unfocused. I am still constantly reminded of my insecurities and it seems I can no longer fight them. This trip. This grand adventure that's stuck in my head is all I have to hold onto. It's just a mirage though. A mirage I want to be so real I'd bleed for it. I want to take the fictitious things in my head and make them real. I want to draw out the awful thoughts I have about myself and be left with something more. I NEED REALIZATION! I need hope. I need to hope that things will be ok. That I'm not a complete and utter failure. That my life is worth something. I need this adventure and I'm going to give my all to making it happen. Maybe I'll come out of it with a broad and new perspective on life and the world. Who knows though. It may be all one of my many fantasies. Like being with Carlen, having kids, or just being happy. All fantasies. Nothing more, nothing less. Being at work at 5am is not something humans should do. Life is too short for working yourself to death.