positive electron flow
I had the night off from work so I finally got some time to relax, play some xbox, watch a movie. And I went to sleep early! Though I missed the call from the girl that could have made me happy, but that's okay because I've accepted the fact that obviously now is not the time for me to have a relationship. And there maybe never will be a good time for me to have one.
I would go into the strange dreams I had last night, but I believe it would only bring up questions for myself that I'd have to deal with. I am looking forward to work, but I think I'm going to skip out on the invite to go to mandarin tonight with my boss. I know that deep down I'd only be going to look for a girlfriend and that's the wrong attitude to have when going to a place of worship (hence my strong stance on not going to church).
I just feel distance from everyone right now. I could be surrounded by a crowd and feel completely and utterly alone. Not only that, but I'd rather be floating in space a million miles from everyone and everything for an eternity. This is not the normal feelings a young man should be having. I should be out there sowing my oats, mackin' the honeys, gettin' my SWERVE on... but I'm not.
I think about time a lot... how time moves faster and slower as an emotional response. Like the way when you're really happy, time goes by really fast, but at other times when you are bored, time goes by so slow... I think it depends on your emotional state as to how fast or slow time moves. I keep waiting to feel the bullet in the back of my head like Winston in 1984 when he realizes he's truly happy and he loves Big Brother.
I hope some day to feel better about things, but if not, I can always just disappear one day and use my resourcefulness to go to canada, or alaska, or syberia and live out the rest of my days in blistering coldness of solitude.
I would go into the strange dreams I had last night, but I believe it would only bring up questions for myself that I'd have to deal with. I am looking forward to work, but I think I'm going to skip out on the invite to go to mandarin tonight with my boss. I know that deep down I'd only be going to look for a girlfriend and that's the wrong attitude to have when going to a place of worship (hence my strong stance on not going to church).
I just feel distance from everyone right now. I could be surrounded by a crowd and feel completely and utterly alone. Not only that, but I'd rather be floating in space a million miles from everyone and everything for an eternity. This is not the normal feelings a young man should be having. I should be out there sowing my oats, mackin' the honeys, gettin' my SWERVE on... but I'm not.
I think about time a lot... how time moves faster and slower as an emotional response. Like the way when you're really happy, time goes by really fast, but at other times when you are bored, time goes by so slow... I think it depends on your emotional state as to how fast or slow time moves. I keep waiting to feel the bullet in the back of my head like Winston in 1984 when he realizes he's truly happy and he loves Big Brother.
I hope some day to feel better about things, but if not, I can always just disappear one day and use my resourcefulness to go to canada, or alaska, or syberia and live out the rest of my days in blistering coldness of solitude.