SCREAM
this is ridiculous. i am writing in this at this point merely because i have no one there any more to understand me. i dont want pity replies, i dont want you all to suddenly start IMing me again. i just need to get life off my chest for a second, and that means that i need to write it down. and frankly, there's so much on my mind, physical writing would cause major crampage.
anyway.
here i am, a fucking bipolar ass sophmore. self diagnosed. every day i fucking cry. for no reason. i have no faith in myself. i am BOMBING physics and it is eating me up inside. i feel physically sick to my stomach because i am so utterly lost and there is NOTHING i can do about it. i tried. tutoring is booked for weeks in advance. my professor is a condescending prick. my TA isnt there just to tutor me. i need invididual attention. and because of this i cry.
i see my dreams fading right before my eyes. and if i dont get into the fucking program im applying into, i basically just wasted 4 semesters. that is HUGE. and RIDICULOUS. i feel like shit always. i have no time for my friends because i am always working...and then i FAIL anyway.
how does anyone manage this?
all my friends from home just frankly aren't friends anymore. and no one is to blame for that. people grow apart. its just sad because i feel like there is no one with me anymore that knows me. it's sad. my boyfriend tries, but he didnt grow up with me. and probably thinks im crazy to be honest.
i'm psychotic at this point. i am driving myself insane. i feel like hell always.
weekends dont exist. every moment i am not working i am thinking about how i should be.
i want to sleep. for a long long time. maybe when i wake up, things will be different.
anyway.
here i am, a fucking bipolar ass sophmore. self diagnosed. every day i fucking cry. for no reason. i have no faith in myself. i am BOMBING physics and it is eating me up inside. i feel physically sick to my stomach because i am so utterly lost and there is NOTHING i can do about it. i tried. tutoring is booked for weeks in advance. my professor is a condescending prick. my TA isnt there just to tutor me. i need invididual attention. and because of this i cry.
i see my dreams fading right before my eyes. and if i dont get into the fucking program im applying into, i basically just wasted 4 semesters. that is HUGE. and RIDICULOUS. i feel like shit always. i have no time for my friends because i am always working...and then i FAIL anyway.
how does anyone manage this?
all my friends from home just frankly aren't friends anymore. and no one is to blame for that. people grow apart. its just sad because i feel like there is no one with me anymore that knows me. it's sad. my boyfriend tries, but he didnt grow up with me. and probably thinks im crazy to be honest.
i'm psychotic at this point. i am driving myself insane. i feel like hell always.
weekends dont exist. every moment i am not working i am thinking about how i should be.
i want to sleep. for a long long time. maybe when i wake up, things will be different.