here it goes again
I like this guy. I talk to him. He doesn't like me, but I'm okay with that, because he talks to me. I have this friend, pretty, nice, popular, smart, more than I'll could ever hope to be. She's really a good person. She decides to start talking to him to see if he likes me. She asks if she can and I say sure, because I don't own him. And then I realize that he's going to like her. Of course he will. She's perfect. I tell her this... and she says nothing will come of it, that even if he likes her, she won't hurt me like that. I know it's going to happen, but I believe her, because it's so much easier to believe that everything will be the same... It's so easy to believe what you want to, need to believe. Slowly, though, everything changes, he talks to me less and less and he tells me he likes her. This is what... a month and half ago? I tell her... she tells me to have faith in her. She's not going to hurt me like that. I believe her... But I know she's going to like him. Because that's just the way my life works. And she tells me she does. And she says she feels terrible because she lied to me. And I tell her it's okay, don't worry about it. Because it's not her fault that she likes him. I wish she hadn't told me she never would, but it doesn't matter. So now her friends, AE and LC, know... I feel left out. AE tells me she feels terrible about hurting me. And I feel like the villain. I know I'm making her feel bad... But it hurts. It hurts because she said I could always hope so I believed her. You can't always hope. Things never turn out fairly and someone is always hurt. I'm that someone. I push them together, because they like each other and it would make it them happy. And I want them to be happy. So eventually they tell each other they like the other. And I should be happy for them, but I'm selfish and am hurt too. I'm hurting her because she's afraid she's hurting me. So I tell her that I don't like him anymore. And she believes me. Because it's so easy to believe what you want to, need to believe. And they're happy. So happy. And I hate myself for making her unhappy with my stupid impossible crush. I hear that CM and LP are discussing him and her, saying they would make a cute couple. They both know I like him, but why would they think of me then? There are more important matters. LIke her and him. He and I... He doesn't need me anymore, he has her to talk to. I've moved from his second friend to his sixth. I talk to him very little now... But when I do, it's so obvious to see his like of her... He talks to her, listens to her, he even walks with her from fifth... And he's happy and I hate myself for being so selfish and still liking him. And I hear he's going to ask her out. And he asks me for advice, as if helping the guy I like with the girl he likes gives me some knowledge about love. And he's nervous and so is she. He wants to make her happy, and she doesn't want to screw it up. I tell her he's nervous too. And she says he seems so calm. And I say she does too. They're good for each other, and they'll be happy, like he'd never be happy with me. Sometimes I think I like him more than she ever could, but I'm being silly. And selfish.