karma
fucking karma's a bitch, meng.
i feel it...it's a hit! i'm not quite sure why i'm a target honestly, because i thought the bad juju was gone...i thought i was cleared and everything was flowing
now i'm in limbo. the moments feel right and the passion's high, but reality hits the heart, makes your stomach drop to the bottom...lol, or in *my* case...stick out to no end (thanks, pinot grigio and carbohydrates...thanks)
the reality of it all, i'm in need of building endurance, tolerance, patience, and of course, the grand ol' self-discipline.
i have the love of many people and they've been cushioning me with what's best for me....damn you guys all to heck. :-( lol, honestly...i'm kidding...and i know you guys love me and you want me to be happy in the long run, but this whole limbo crap sucks big fat bum. i'm *really* not used to going through something so deep and intense while having my friends exposed to it at the exact same time...i'm not used to you guys dwelling in the motions with me.
what i've been accustomed to in the past was hiding in my little nook and when i was ready to come out, i would spill my bits and pieces. i can't do that now...this whole moment has been foreign ground for me.
a lot of love, passion, and strong emotions spilling EVERYWHERE....but in the right places?! and in the right order?! who the hell knows. :-\ and true intentions? genuine feeling? or is it a matter of claim and property...a matter of saving face...a chance to keep the game going and keep the boost at its high...
who knows how to be true anymore...i thought at this age, we would be mature and wise. but i've come to the realization once we're exposed to the rare few that are still blind as a bat and haven't been exposed to as much experience as we have...we fall back into the rut of drama and immaturity. thanks, you selfish, petty, bitter bitch. thanks. thanks for ruining what was becoming a strong foundation and fresh start.
outside of this all...what's to become of me? my life prior to this limbo...my parents are coming home in one week...what is to become of me...
that's it for now.
i feel it...it's a hit! i'm not quite sure why i'm a target honestly, because i thought the bad juju was gone...i thought i was cleared and everything was flowing
now i'm in limbo. the moments feel right and the passion's high, but reality hits the heart, makes your stomach drop to the bottom...lol, or in *my* case...stick out to no end (thanks, pinot grigio and carbohydrates...thanks)
the reality of it all, i'm in need of building endurance, tolerance, patience, and of course, the grand ol' self-discipline.
i have the love of many people and they've been cushioning me with what's best for me....damn you guys all to heck. :-( lol, honestly...i'm kidding...and i know you guys love me and you want me to be happy in the long run, but this whole limbo crap sucks big fat bum. i'm *really* not used to going through something so deep and intense while having my friends exposed to it at the exact same time...i'm not used to you guys dwelling in the motions with me.
what i've been accustomed to in the past was hiding in my little nook and when i was ready to come out, i would spill my bits and pieces. i can't do that now...this whole moment has been foreign ground for me.
a lot of love, passion, and strong emotions spilling EVERYWHERE....but in the right places?! and in the right order?! who the hell knows. :-\ and true intentions? genuine feeling? or is it a matter of claim and property...a matter of saving face...a chance to keep the game going and keep the boost at its high...
who knows how to be true anymore...i thought at this age, we would be mature and wise. but i've come to the realization once we're exposed to the rare few that are still blind as a bat and haven't been exposed to as much experience as we have...we fall back into the rut of drama and immaturity. thanks, you selfish, petty, bitter bitch. thanks. thanks for ruining what was becoming a strong foundation and fresh start.
outside of this all...what's to become of me? my life prior to this limbo...my parents are coming home in one week...what is to become of me...
that's it for now.