i'm in one of those "moods" ;-)

Mar 28, 2006 04:38

i have pictures to share, but instead i shall type. it's 4am and i'm in one of those "deep" moods.

throughout these fun and eventful past two weeks....ironically so, i've been constantly hit up with thought provoking moments. moments here and there have occured where...i am reminded of a thought i have put far away from my mind and now it has come back to me and i don't know why.

for me to analyze? resolve? i don't know. all i know is that i am so thankful to God justice has finally prevailed and the scar to my name is finally being erased to those who deserve the truth. i still carry a lot of anger towards those who have scarred me...especially when it was during a time when they didn't even fucking know me and just started to build judgement. and now?! they base their false judgement as my character. i have worked hard to peel each individual from the poor reflection others have portrayed about me for them to see that i really am a good person...or to at least give them a chance to give me a fair shake based on their personal experiences with me. rather than them pull an "asian," (doh! did i write that?) avoid and develop stupid bullshit opinions on their own time.

my time here in tacoma/seattle may be very short. and i'm not alone when i say as 3rd/4th/5th year students,  many of us have come to realize that it's a waste of time trying to please or "entertain" everyone we encounter. as i've shared with many, i'd rather invest ALL of myself to those who value me most...rather than accumulate a million random strangers on myspace or something, entertain them with superficial kindness just for them to think i'm cool.

taking the time these past few nights to really think of the many things i've experienced in college....i know now that the times when i felt so alone...that was so stupid of me! because i'm so blessed to have a bajillion close friends from all over. i've been in touch with such great company...blessed with my childhood friends to my new ones......i just need to learn to let go of the very few that still disrespect. i'm very sensitive and i've let the cold-hearted/heartless crush my self-esteem and question my character.

what i need to work on is forgiveness. i also need to work on taking a step back and letting go of the things i can't fix on my own...i can't mold the poor mindset of others...i must remind myself of that or else i will constantly drive myself (and others ;-)) nuts. i need to invest more in faith on the rewards of time. like now! due to patience and time...i lost touch my girls in tacoma and had fallouts with my homegirls in seattle, but over time we worked hard to overcome and now they are my sisters. :-) tom and i have overcome so many trials over the years and now not only do we have a more solid foundation, but we have the support of our mutual closest friends. it's SUCH a blessing.

The Lord works on His time. it may be longer than what we hope for...but we have to remember it's not our call. we just have to do our best with the cards we're dealt with and we will be rewarded such GREAT gifts. blessings that are so fulfilling...as jo would say, it gives you "warm fuzzies" :-D hehehe...amen? amennnn! :-)

i have a lot to work on...but at least now my issues are a little less gray...and now that i have defined them better, i will be able to detect these faults better and i can slap myself upside the head and say "bad christina, bad!" so if you see me slapping myself occasionally...just go with it. :-P

love you guys :-) pictures and lighter funny stories soon to come! stay tuned

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