he's a real no-where man...
so much weirdness is going on around me right now, but it's so subtle that it almost seems not to be there. does that make any sense? no? i thought not...
so i'm finally over the cold that plagued me all last week. now i just have to deal with the cold sore that has invaded my upper lip. oi.
i saw an awesome movie today. "ode to billy joe". it rocks. check it out. and i watched "buffalo '66" the other day. good but fucked up.
my mom told me today to look at colleges in canada. that was my idea, like 2 years ago when all this college bullshit first started coming up in my life. but today i did do some research. i'm having a really hard time finding schools that don't require sat or act scores. my mom has truly wrung me out on this one. i know she only means well, but give me a break. i finally sift through all my choices (san fran, vermont, d.c., italy, staying put in michigan) and decided on the college option, even pick a school that has a program for what i want to study, doesn't require me to give up my soul to a standardized test that show nothing of my intelligence, and start the application process, and then mom says to focus on a different direction. bennington is the only college that i've ever gotten excited about or even considered applying to when i was in high school. i know only a teeny bit about canadian colleges. and while it is a very smart economic choice, and i bet there are plenty of fine canadian schools, do i really want to open this can of worms? fucking hell, i wish i had something like spain again. i don't mean in the sense that i want to go to europe to take care of kids, but i want a goal that i am passionate about. i want to want something so bad like i wanted spain, so that i know going after it is the best choice, the only choice. i hate picking between a bunch of medium, kinda cool, i guess i like it, it's all right type options.
i know that i'm lucky that i have options, that i do have the resources to do so many things. my complaint is about my ennui, my blockage, my own lackluster attitude and outlook, my failure to find a future that excites me.
deo
nicki
so i'm finally over the cold that plagued me all last week. now i just have to deal with the cold sore that has invaded my upper lip. oi.
i saw an awesome movie today. "ode to billy joe". it rocks. check it out. and i watched "buffalo '66" the other day. good but fucked up.
my mom told me today to look at colleges in canada. that was my idea, like 2 years ago when all this college bullshit first started coming up in my life. but today i did do some research. i'm having a really hard time finding schools that don't require sat or act scores. my mom has truly wrung me out on this one. i know she only means well, but give me a break. i finally sift through all my choices (san fran, vermont, d.c., italy, staying put in michigan) and decided on the college option, even pick a school that has a program for what i want to study, doesn't require me to give up my soul to a standardized test that show nothing of my intelligence, and start the application process, and then mom says to focus on a different direction. bennington is the only college that i've ever gotten excited about or even considered applying to when i was in high school. i know only a teeny bit about canadian colleges. and while it is a very smart economic choice, and i bet there are plenty of fine canadian schools, do i really want to open this can of worms? fucking hell, i wish i had something like spain again. i don't mean in the sense that i want to go to europe to take care of kids, but i want a goal that i am passionate about. i want to want something so bad like i wanted spain, so that i know going after it is the best choice, the only choice. i hate picking between a bunch of medium, kinda cool, i guess i like it, it's all right type options.
i know that i'm lucky that i have options, that i do have the resources to do so many things. my complaint is about my ennui, my blockage, my own lackluster attitude and outlook, my failure to find a future that excites me.
deo
nicki