Hurt...

May 10, 2005 15:31

So you all know how I'm determined to pick my grades up right? Well we get our interims and I see that in all three of my classes I still have an F. I was like, that can't be because I've done all my work and took all my test, and I did everything on time. So My cousin called my SOA(survey of the arts) teacher to see why I still have an F. She says since I did so poorly in the first two sections, they average out what I'm doin' now to thoses other classes. So I can get all 100s on the projects that were supposed to be done, but I'll still have an F. I was so mad and sad at the same time. But I'm goin' to admit that it's all my fault that I have those grades. I feel like I let everyone down and I keep saying over and over to myself I'm a failure and it's my fault. But then I keep saying why didn't they tell me that it wasn't going to count when I was asking for extra credit and doing all my work? Don't you think that's stupied? I can't fail, I don't wanna graduate when I'm 20. I'm gonna miss out on everything...So now I sit here crying my eyes out..I feel like I'm in a little room..a dark little room with nothing to do or live for. It's like there was light, now it's just darkness...I dunno. I've been workin' my ass off tryin' to get good grades. 9 classes. 9! and the online classes give me twice as much work as the normal ones do. I have to worry bout my online work plus my regular classes. I stayed up till like 1:00, 1:30 some nights, just to do my homework. I feel like I lost all this sleep and making my body physically and mentally tired for absolutely nothin'...I'd rather be anyone else but me right now. I hate school so much, I just wanna run away and go start a new life. The worst part is, my Aunt says that Lutcher High School, the school my cousin goes to and my other Aunt teaches at would have taken my credits for 9th grade. So she says that I might have to go to school over there. I don't wanna to. That's an hour away from here! I won't get to hang out with my friends like usual, I won't get to go to the mall, I won't get to see my "appetizers" or "desserts". They don't have anything in Lutcher except food restuarants. I will die if I have to go live over there. I will literally go over to my 9th grade teacher and kick her ass! I will go to that stupied LVS and kick their asses too! I just wanna thank my cousin for being there for me and helping through my work. Even though she gets on my nerves sometimes, I still love her and I'm grateful for all that she's done for me.
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