Comments | mz_seshet: A belated resolution

mz_seshet

A belated resolution

Feb 21, 2008 21:08

I am putting to rest my defenses. (Well, am giving it the best shot yet!) I'm not going to worry anymore about MY feelings that I've been picking myself back up and falling and picking myself back up just to fall again for about a year now. These feelings are FOR me, not to control me. And, there is another perspective. I am *failing* because ( Read more... )

Leave a comment

Back to all threads

ewigweibliche February 22 2008, 16:27:29 UTC

Wow. I want to be able to echo the same. I wholly support you in this.

This is a powerful entry. Last night I "suffered" a huge mental blow out. Completely shutting down in the ways that do. I did not surrender entirely to the demon, but all of my energy was focused on withstanding, not on using the information given. If that makes sense.

I think you rule. And I missed you last weekend.

gothicsquish February 22 2008, 22:31:25 UTC

I also wish to be able to echo the same. Work with Liberty has brought me the same feelings. Power to you.

ewigweibliche February 22 2008, 23:26:01 UTC

I think I have to deal with Pride. This point always seems a little out of focus - slipping equally into shame and arrogance. Shame is what usually pours out in my freak outs. But working with liberty is never a bad thing! Time to go run those pentacles....

ewigweibliche February 23 2008, 07:22:41 UTC

If it makes you feel any better, this all came after a most horrific day of stress and anxiety because I started freaking out (& in public -woo hoo!) I have to work my Pride Point tenaciously these days ( ... )

ewigweibliche February 23 2008, 18:48:58 UTC

I've kept my myself from singing because of crippling performance anxiety and also from skewed ideas of perfection and adequacy. Gah. What you wrote sounds all too familiar to me. I'm really sorry you had to experience that.

One consolation though: I have talked with people in the academic world, established folk who've written books and teach and stuff, and I've heard them say that they also wonder when some one's going to stand up and tell the world they're full of shit. I think this feeling of a being a fraud is more common than we realize.

mz_seshet February 23 2008, 20:42:40 UTC

It's that recent realization of how common it is that has helped me get here.

Back to all threads