depression.. if your interested.
I have only twenty minutes to express 231746127346 emotions inside of me. Mind you, im in my computer class typing this. Anyways, life is just so whatever. I feel lonely at times. I miss my friends. I feel so unconfortable sometimes here in Coral Park, everyone has their friends and damnit, I miss mines. The only person who I can truly call a friend here is Amy and a few others. Other than that, theres just a whole mess of 23746236 useless people to me. Yes I know that was mean, but its the truth.
School used to be a social event to me. Not flaunting what you have, but just looking foward to go just because you have your friends with you. Now, to me school has become exactly what it was meant for, and for me, thats just not right.
I feel lonely as well in spart because I have no one. And everywhere I go theres a couple cuddling and im becoming a hater. lol. Im not like that, but yes the very sad truth is that they have what I want, well in some ways.
Theres thsi guy in my Biology class. His name? I think i already mentioned but here goes... -drum rolls-
LUiS.
Im completely infatuated with this guy. Hes seriously just gorgeous. And trust me, coming from me he should definitely be flattered because i am one whor efuses to sweat guys just "because". Well have you ever seen thsoe tv shows where the girls like "he doesnt even know I exist" ? I always felt that overly used line was just a peice of bull shit cause it seemed so unrealistic to me because I had never been in such a position. Sure I had crushes and what not, but I never really chased the guy, they just came to me sorta. With Luis its different. He has 2374623746 girls after him. I dont think I can compete man. I dont like being this weird depressed low self esteem teenager, but at this point in my life im just questioning whether im pretty enough, mature enough, or good enough not only for this guy in particular but just for everyone in general.
-deep sigh-
Another thing that has just been nagging the shit out of me is how not everyone, but so many people get the impression that im some Jessica Simpson airhead type. I don't appreaciate it. Call it envy or what you will, But some people have recently taken it just to the extreme and although I try to shrug it off, I cant help but ignore teh fact that they all gang up against me and I feel so weak when tehre doing this in such a malicious manner. I know im smart and im not what people say but sometimes what people say or think influence your view of yourself more than what YOU think.
I don't think I cant take it anymore.. No, im not going to kill myself but sometimes I just wish it'd all go away. If you see me in school, im the one with smile from cheek to cheek but its so fake. Because im just unhappy. When regarding family and how things are at my house, I have my little fights with mom here and there but I love her so much, so home is pretty okay. Better than anything else.
I like this..
" Im tired of trying, Im tired of acting, Im tired of smiling when inside im dying"
love always..
sandy
School used to be a social event to me. Not flaunting what you have, but just looking foward to go just because you have your friends with you. Now, to me school has become exactly what it was meant for, and for me, thats just not right.
I feel lonely as well in spart because I have no one. And everywhere I go theres a couple cuddling and im becoming a hater. lol. Im not like that, but yes the very sad truth is that they have what I want, well in some ways.
Theres thsi guy in my Biology class. His name? I think i already mentioned but here goes... -drum rolls-
LUiS.
Im completely infatuated with this guy. Hes seriously just gorgeous. And trust me, coming from me he should definitely be flattered because i am one whor efuses to sweat guys just "because". Well have you ever seen thsoe tv shows where the girls like "he doesnt even know I exist" ? I always felt that overly used line was just a peice of bull shit cause it seemed so unrealistic to me because I had never been in such a position. Sure I had crushes and what not, but I never really chased the guy, they just came to me sorta. With Luis its different. He has 2374623746 girls after him. I dont think I can compete man. I dont like being this weird depressed low self esteem teenager, but at this point in my life im just questioning whether im pretty enough, mature enough, or good enough not only for this guy in particular but just for everyone in general.
-deep sigh-
Another thing that has just been nagging the shit out of me is how not everyone, but so many people get the impression that im some Jessica Simpson airhead type. I don't appreaciate it. Call it envy or what you will, But some people have recently taken it just to the extreme and although I try to shrug it off, I cant help but ignore teh fact that they all gang up against me and I feel so weak when tehre doing this in such a malicious manner. I know im smart and im not what people say but sometimes what people say or think influence your view of yourself more than what YOU think.
I don't think I cant take it anymore.. No, im not going to kill myself but sometimes I just wish it'd all go away. If you see me in school, im the one with smile from cheek to cheek but its so fake. Because im just unhappy. When regarding family and how things are at my house, I have my little fights with mom here and there but I love her so much, so home is pretty okay. Better than anything else.
I like this..
" Im tired of trying, Im tired of acting, Im tired of smiling when inside im dying"
love always..
sandy