(no subject)
I know how lame it is to start out an entry this way, but if I could accomplish only one thing in life, I know exactly what it would be.
I want every person I care about to be happy.
I used to get really caught up with this in high school - almost to the point where it was self-righteous as well as self-destructive. There is and will always be a certain point to which you can no longer force your views or advice on someone ... I learned that lesson several times over, the hard way.
I get the impression now that I have learned that lesson to the point where I am afraid to even start listening. And because of this, very few people ever let me see past the surface. I once had friends who would tell me anything and find comfort in the fact that they could get their feelings out there to someone who, though they didn't know exactly what they were going through, cared genuinely and always listened.
Those friends don't even call anymore.
It just seems to me that no one is happy anymore - hell, I don't even consider myself a happy person. I feel so surrounded by it sometimes, though. To start with, my parents are hardly able to live in the same house together anymore ... most of the people I know at work are too wrapped up in their own personal woes to take a customer's criticism without putting themselves in a sour mood ... and every web journal I check is, well, polluted with negativity anymore - there are several, not just one.
I no longer know what to make of ... any of it.
My mother says things about herself under her breath all the time that are self-depreciating. My coworkers do nothing but cause stress for the other people they work with. My friends online say many horrible things about themselves and others ... and when they bring up others, it is mostly to say that they don't care.
I do.
But ... what do you expect me, or anyone, to do about it?
I can't fix my parents' marriage or tell all the people who come through A&W to be nice so they don't piss the workers off or find anyway to understand anything that people online write about anymore.
The selfish thing doesn't work for me.
I'm too empathic for that.
The selfless thing is, however (for reasons stated above), yet another thing that I cannot do. I really do have a hard enough time keeping it together myself, and there are moments where even that seems impossible. This, I am sure, is something that everyone can relate to.
Truly, though, even where I cannot give you all of my time and effort toward making your life better (and I have tried doing that for people before), I can offer my ear to listen and the confidence that I will, in no way, judge the words you have to speak.
Take advantage of what little or significant caring you have from me.
And maybe things could be a little easier.
I want every person I care about to be happy.
I used to get really caught up with this in high school - almost to the point where it was self-righteous as well as self-destructive. There is and will always be a certain point to which you can no longer force your views or advice on someone ... I learned that lesson several times over, the hard way.
I get the impression now that I have learned that lesson to the point where I am afraid to even start listening. And because of this, very few people ever let me see past the surface. I once had friends who would tell me anything and find comfort in the fact that they could get their feelings out there to someone who, though they didn't know exactly what they were going through, cared genuinely and always listened.
Those friends don't even call anymore.
It just seems to me that no one is happy anymore - hell, I don't even consider myself a happy person. I feel so surrounded by it sometimes, though. To start with, my parents are hardly able to live in the same house together anymore ... most of the people I know at work are too wrapped up in their own personal woes to take a customer's criticism without putting themselves in a sour mood ... and every web journal I check is, well, polluted with negativity anymore - there are several, not just one.
I no longer know what to make of ... any of it.
My mother says things about herself under her breath all the time that are self-depreciating. My coworkers do nothing but cause stress for the other people they work with. My friends online say many horrible things about themselves and others ... and when they bring up others, it is mostly to say that they don't care.
I do.
But ... what do you expect me, or anyone, to do about it?
I can't fix my parents' marriage or tell all the people who come through A&W to be nice so they don't piss the workers off or find anyway to understand anything that people online write about anymore.
The selfish thing doesn't work for me.
I'm too empathic for that.
The selfless thing is, however (for reasons stated above), yet another thing that I cannot do. I really do have a hard enough time keeping it together myself, and there are moments where even that seems impossible. This, I am sure, is something that everyone can relate to.
Truly, though, even where I cannot give you all of my time and effort toward making your life better (and I have tried doing that for people before), I can offer my ear to listen and the confidence that I will, in no way, judge the words you have to speak.
Take advantage of what little or significant caring you have from me.
And maybe things could be a little easier.