who the fuck have i become?

May 20, 2005 00:07

everyday i stray further from the life i should be living. im afraid im going to flunk out of college. im gonna keep digging myself deeper and deeper into this whole. i used to be able to see my future. now i have none. and to tell u the truth, i dont care. i dont feel real anymore. i feel like an empty shell. i play with my own emotions just to pretend i feel.

"She hates us."
-Allyce Znoj

i feel like i left them there. i almost want to move bak in to help them. they all hate each other. and lizzie. fuck. shes at the bottom. shes the nicest person and all she ever gets is shit from ppl. and its her own mother who gives it to her the most.

i have said it before, and i will say it again, with more hate and rage than ever before, i will make that bitch pay for everything shes done.

i recall i dream i had a while ago. the whole family was in a parking lot. i looked at her in disgust and swung. she hit the ground with a thud. i kicked and screamed and beat her bloody corpse to a pulp in front of everyone. they stared and watched as i took such pleasure in killing my own mother. sitting here now i couldnt imagine a better feeling.
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