(no subject)
i feel like half of myself is constantly making an effort to cheer me up with things i like, but then the other side of me just shrugs and says 'i'm tired'
nothing is doing it lately
the last time i remember actually being happy was on halloween, last year when al and i walked to starbucks in our garbage can and cheez-it box costumes and we held hands and said happy halloween to everyone and old people gave us candy and we made stupid jokes and everything was so nice. since then there is always something wrong. nothing really big, but somehow i always find a way to drag myself down. i try to be happy and i want to be happy but i always just feel inadequate in some way. tired, pressured, burnt out. i just bought an ipod with all of my money, and i could fucking care less. i tell myself i'm happy about it but i feel like if this fell onto the ground right now and smashed into a billion pieces i wouldn't give a flying shit. i hate this stupid apathy. i want to feel something.
nothing is doing it lately
the last time i remember actually being happy was on halloween, last year when al and i walked to starbucks in our garbage can and cheez-it box costumes and we held hands and said happy halloween to everyone and old people gave us candy and we made stupid jokes and everything was so nice. since then there is always something wrong. nothing really big, but somehow i always find a way to drag myself down. i try to be happy and i want to be happy but i always just feel inadequate in some way. tired, pressured, burnt out. i just bought an ipod with all of my money, and i could fucking care less. i tell myself i'm happy about it but i feel like if this fell onto the ground right now and smashed into a billion pieces i wouldn't give a flying shit. i hate this stupid apathy. i want to feel something.