(no subject)
So, life is so crazy. Sometimes everything changes in a blink of an eye, and sometimes, it drags so slowly it could drive you insane. I dont know what's going on anymore. I helped Jessie and Chris move yesterday and it was so sad because I want to live there too. It makes me feel so left out that my whole support system down here (with a few exceptions) is all going to this place that I cant go. I'm alone. I've been apartment hunting and it's just frustrating because everywhere is just....not right, for one reason or another and I can't afford a security deposit and a car, and I have to get a car if I'm moving. Chris said I might be able to stay with his mom for a while, but I would prefer to not do that. Jarrod offered me his second bedroom but that may complicate things and I dont know if I'm prepared to live with him. I guess it comes down to, I really dont want to leave. I feel like I owe it to myself to give this a genuine effort and I really love these people, and they love me too. I know I have people at home who love me, although at the moment it may just be a handful, but this feels different. I dont want tot be here forever, that's for sure, but im not ready to leave. Maybe I'll take Jarrod up on his offer, I dont know. It's all confusing. I might be buying Danny's uncles truck. It's an F150, black, so that makes me happy. I guess it's not as complicated as im making it. I just have a lot of hang ups back home that I'm still really confused about. I think sometimes I'm too chill with people for fear of being vulnerable and it just ends up hurting me. I dont know what's going on anymore. I need to sit down and wrap my head around everything.