taking a step back
It's been so long since ive come to this journal...
looking back on past entries i realize how much i miss writing. sure these are mostly just internal thoughts, but it helps, it's a release of something inside me. I realize i have so much to say in words, but so much more inside that i cant seem to vocalize when given the opportunity. writing. something about writing helps.
i realize after looking over my poetry from an old class, i miss that too. taking the time not just to write a journal entry, but to labor over a piece to capture some deeper glimpse of some opportune moment that stands a part as a picture in my head. i miss it. poetry. journaling. both.
today i attempted to watch lost on the computer when i took the kids at my work to computer lab. i thought why not get a chance to get paid to watch something i enjoy. unfortunately we got there late. i'll have to plan this out better next time.
also a new jobs search has started. i feel like i have some many job search entries in this journal. this one, like the others, is necessary. they cut back my hours WAY too much, i need another job.
eight months, two days. i cant wait to be married. yet at the same time i try to keep reminding myself not to try to venture too far ahead into the future. any imaginations i have of the future will never capture the actually event. and i need to remember this time for what it is. this time, engaged. april sixteenth. thursday. engaged. twenty. i missed him today. i see him so much, but the long days he has at work makes me miss him more, wishing i could be the person he comes home to after a long day. i know one day i will be. i need to stop trying to fastforward. it's hard not to want to. it's already almost friday. one hour. thirty minutes.
this weekend will be so busy. im not really sure how i'll get through it. seems like i have so much to do. two finals. a paper. garage sale. plus all the prep work for the garage sale. and i wanted to clean. i guess cleaning could wait till monday. i'd rather do it tomorrow. i have all that homework. i dont know, the sooner it's done, then that's it. the class is over. i cant wait for these online classes to be over. it's already april? wait it's mid april. eight months. two days.
i lost my train of thought.
anyways. i got my ipod back to normal. i really need a case. i dropped it today. i like having it, listening to music again. i didnt realize how much i missed listening to music. i sort of left it behind. i use to sing along in my car all the time. the other day i played my ipod, jammed out, singing in my car, cruising around. i havent gone cruising around in a long time. usually i dont aimlessly drive. i use to. i did that day. i miss that. i miss the aimless driving and singing to music. my nose was stuffy. made my voice sound weird. i kind of liked that. now im feeling better. hmm shoot i left my retainers in the bathroom. i have to go get those, i havent worn them in so long. that was probably too much information.
i miss erica.
if i go to sleep now and get eight hours then i can wake up at six thirty and get a good start on everything. i should have eggs in the morning. i need a good breakfast. i dont always like eggs though. maybe my mom will make some fresh egg salsa, that would make them taste better. i should get ready then do things. or clean then get ready then homework. no maybe clean on monday. shoot i really want to clean tomorrow though. but i have those finals to do. and that paper. i should do that first. then it's done. then the class is done. i hate my computer class. i should do that first. then it's done.
i really want to get "the little prince" in hardcover. i have the french version, but i stopped taking french. now i cant read it, ive forgotten so much. i really want to learn spanish. i really want to learn spanish and then get into the grad program for comparative literature: english and spanish. id really like that.
now im just rambling. sometimes i need to.
looking back on past entries i realize how much i miss writing. sure these are mostly just internal thoughts, but it helps, it's a release of something inside me. I realize i have so much to say in words, but so much more inside that i cant seem to vocalize when given the opportunity. writing. something about writing helps.
i realize after looking over my poetry from an old class, i miss that too. taking the time not just to write a journal entry, but to labor over a piece to capture some deeper glimpse of some opportune moment that stands a part as a picture in my head. i miss it. poetry. journaling. both.
today i attempted to watch lost on the computer when i took the kids at my work to computer lab. i thought why not get a chance to get paid to watch something i enjoy. unfortunately we got there late. i'll have to plan this out better next time.
also a new jobs search has started. i feel like i have some many job search entries in this journal. this one, like the others, is necessary. they cut back my hours WAY too much, i need another job.
eight months, two days. i cant wait to be married. yet at the same time i try to keep reminding myself not to try to venture too far ahead into the future. any imaginations i have of the future will never capture the actually event. and i need to remember this time for what it is. this time, engaged. april sixteenth. thursday. engaged. twenty. i missed him today. i see him so much, but the long days he has at work makes me miss him more, wishing i could be the person he comes home to after a long day. i know one day i will be. i need to stop trying to fastforward. it's hard not to want to. it's already almost friday. one hour. thirty minutes.
this weekend will be so busy. im not really sure how i'll get through it. seems like i have so much to do. two finals. a paper. garage sale. plus all the prep work for the garage sale. and i wanted to clean. i guess cleaning could wait till monday. i'd rather do it tomorrow. i have all that homework. i dont know, the sooner it's done, then that's it. the class is over. i cant wait for these online classes to be over. it's already april? wait it's mid april. eight months. two days.
i lost my train of thought.
anyways. i got my ipod back to normal. i really need a case. i dropped it today. i like having it, listening to music again. i didnt realize how much i missed listening to music. i sort of left it behind. i use to sing along in my car all the time. the other day i played my ipod, jammed out, singing in my car, cruising around. i havent gone cruising around in a long time. usually i dont aimlessly drive. i use to. i did that day. i miss that. i miss the aimless driving and singing to music. my nose was stuffy. made my voice sound weird. i kind of liked that. now im feeling better. hmm shoot i left my retainers in the bathroom. i have to go get those, i havent worn them in so long. that was probably too much information.
i miss erica.
if i go to sleep now and get eight hours then i can wake up at six thirty and get a good start on everything. i should have eggs in the morning. i need a good breakfast. i dont always like eggs though. maybe my mom will make some fresh egg salsa, that would make them taste better. i should get ready then do things. or clean then get ready then homework. no maybe clean on monday. shoot i really want to clean tomorrow though. but i have those finals to do. and that paper. i should do that first. then it's done. then the class is done. i hate my computer class. i should do that first. then it's done.
i really want to get "the little prince" in hardcover. i have the french version, but i stopped taking french. now i cant read it, ive forgotten so much. i really want to learn spanish. i really want to learn spanish and then get into the grad program for comparative literature: english and spanish. id really like that.
now im just rambling. sometimes i need to.