"it's such a shame for us to part"
i use to never think about making a decision about what to do with my life.
mostly because i thought i had a life time to figure it out.
but i guess it doesnt make sense to wait a life time to figure out what to do with your life.
so lately ive been feeling pretty content. im not in a whirl of craziness, and besides prom i dont have too many worries and really when i think about it long enough i dont even think im worried about that either.
still i dont think i realize everything i should, even if i say it, i still havent completely got it in my head that this is my last year of high school.
sometimes i think back on the past, and sure i do like things now, dont get me wrong, but sometimes i wonder how things changed so much, and its not cause i went to a different school, its something else. all this thought of graduation and people leaving and i begin to question, maybe ive already said goodbye to people, unknowingly, unwillingly. maybe goodbye has disappeared with the past and as i move on in my contentness i begin to realize: im looking both directions and i dont have someone to hold my hand to cross the street. looking back sometime i said goodbye, somehow im already on a train miles away from who i think i am. and in my contentness i realize maybe ive lost something and maybe im content with loosing it. i wonder why and how against my own will and knowledge this can be. i wonder where can i find that feeling of home again, cause right now im contently confused and it almost bothers me that it doesnt bother me. it almost bothers me that im content with a gradual goodbye that im only now realizing, it almost bothers me that im content with what ive lost, and it almost bothers me that im not even sure what that is or what that means. almost.