The Things Bouncing Around in My Head
I've had a lot bouncing around in my noggin for a while. Time to let a few out.
Had a great friend over on Monday. I am assuming he is openly out now - but I never am sure. Anywho - he brought his sorta-kinda boyfriend over too. They were sitting on the couch cuddling - and I thought it was the most adorable thing and left me feeling very happy for him/them. I love seeing people I care about being happy - no matter what. I could see in that moment he was happy. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people can't accept that, don't want to see that, don't want to even know that people like him exist. That makes me sad. Hell, I know these same people wouldn't accept me if they knew everything. They wouldn't even notice the happiness that is transpiring between the two people - they would only notice that it was two men and be repulsed by that fact. It really is sad.
On the friend subject, another friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend. He's been having a bit of a hard time with it - which sucks. I hate to see him in such pain, especially when he even says that the relationship wasn't going good and needed to end. However, on this one, I feel I am a bad person - because I am very happy to see the relationship end. I will be honest - I never liked her. I tried to be friends with her, however, it felt like no matter what I did - she just didn't give a shit about being friends with anyone - she only cared that she was fucking this friend of mine (and she actually threw that around a bit too!) It felt like whenever we interacted with the two of them together, she felt she had to hang off him and make sure that his attention was on her and not on me. When I found out that he broke off the relationship, I want to do the "happy-happy" dance, because I did have such distain for her, however, I feel bad....because just looking in his eye I can see that he is afraid that he is going to be alone for the rest of his life.
Things between me and Dante have been a bit of a roller coaster too. Part of it I know is just the constant struggle that is a part of marriage...but at the same time, I know that I need to stop staying in the place I am at mentally. I have stalled in my journey - and I need to get back to walking the road to improving my self-esteem. It's not easy for me - but it's something I have to do if I am ever going to achieve all that I can out of life.
Well, I think I am done with sharing.
Louise
Had a great friend over on Monday. I am assuming he is openly out now - but I never am sure. Anywho - he brought his sorta-kinda boyfriend over too. They were sitting on the couch cuddling - and I thought it was the most adorable thing and left me feeling very happy for him/them. I love seeing people I care about being happy - no matter what. I could see in that moment he was happy. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people can't accept that, don't want to see that, don't want to even know that people like him exist. That makes me sad. Hell, I know these same people wouldn't accept me if they knew everything. They wouldn't even notice the happiness that is transpiring between the two people - they would only notice that it was two men and be repulsed by that fact. It really is sad.
On the friend subject, another friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend. He's been having a bit of a hard time with it - which sucks. I hate to see him in such pain, especially when he even says that the relationship wasn't going good and needed to end. However, on this one, I feel I am a bad person - because I am very happy to see the relationship end. I will be honest - I never liked her. I tried to be friends with her, however, it felt like no matter what I did - she just didn't give a shit about being friends with anyone - she only cared that she was fucking this friend of mine (and she actually threw that around a bit too!) It felt like whenever we interacted with the two of them together, she felt she had to hang off him and make sure that his attention was on her and not on me. When I found out that he broke off the relationship, I want to do the "happy-happy" dance, because I did have such distain for her, however, I feel bad....because just looking in his eye I can see that he is afraid that he is going to be alone for the rest of his life.
Things between me and Dante have been a bit of a roller coaster too. Part of it I know is just the constant struggle that is a part of marriage...but at the same time, I know that I need to stop staying in the place I am at mentally. I have stalled in my journey - and I need to get back to walking the road to improving my self-esteem. It's not easy for me - but it's something I have to do if I am ever going to achieve all that I can out of life.
Well, I think I am done with sharing.
Louise