Is difficult to describe, he has changed a lot since I meet him. He mostly agrees with me yet, when it comes to feminism, I think he feels I'm a little exaggerated. I can describe it as "hubby in the middle". He has both, a working-class and 9 years studying to become a priest background which marks his earlier experiences. In our domesticity, he is the one who takes charge of our home and the kids. He is proud of my career yet he feels shame about not being the main provider. He is pro-gay rights (Remember we don't have gay marriage here nor is it possible to adopt). Yet, he has difficulties understanding certain jokes are offensive, he sees it as "just a joke". He is open to learning: I had a friend whose boy is transgender. He invited them both to give testimony to a training course for headteachers. After that, he started studying the topic as he was deeply touched by their story. [Silvia, my friend was a devoted mother with a fierceness that moved mountains]. Hubby is very sensitive to people suffering and social unjustice. I think that being able to meet people in a symmetrical relationship, yet realizing there is an oppression that affects them, moves him.
In a funny side about his evolution: Hubby always complains that when he FINALLY got used to saying she/he, instead of only he, he is accused of having a restrict binary approach! He is almost 60, he still has some 20 years to learn more.
I love this story about your husband so much. It's so nice he has the willingness to learn and grow and that he supports your career so much, even if he feels ashamed about not being the main provider (I guess that has to do with the values he has been raised with). And I also like the way you talk about him. It seems you can accept that his views are both shaped by his social class and by his education and that his sensitivity for social justice is a huge driving force for him to learn more.
I believe we all are full of inner contradictions. I doubt any of us has a full coherent world view. I know nature and nurture define us but we are able to move past it, yet been defined by it at the same time. At the end of the day, our freedom is a narrow path and not a wide avenue, or so I think.
What I value of him is his humble efforts to change his views when realizing they could be oppressive. He is a man of profound solidarity, and that is something I admire in him (And it often drives me crazy when I'm dragged down by the consequences of his selfless acts)
At the end of the day, our freedom is a narrow path and not a wide avenue, or so I think. I totally agree. The people with an inner freedom that is just present in almost every situation are rare, I think. Most of us constantly need to choose the path that brings us most freedom at that moment or in that particular circumstance, I think.
(And it often drives me crazy when I'm dragged down by the consequences of his selfless acts) O I can understand that too. You already told us he has difficulties in saying 'no' to people, so i guess he often surprises you with things he has already agreed to.. I totally see that happen.
Yes, it's his virtue and his vice. I made a rule at home early in our marriage: Everything he wants to give away must be vetoed by me. I'm the stereotype of the evil bossy wife. Muahahaha.
In a funny side about his evolution: Hubby always complains that when he FINALLY got used to saying she/he, instead of only he, he is accused of having a restrict binary approach! He is almost 60, he still has some 20 years to learn more.
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And I also like the way you talk about him. It seems you can accept that his views are both shaped by his social class and by his education and that his sensitivity for social justice is a huge driving force for him to learn more.
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What I value of him is his humble efforts to change his views when realizing they could be oppressive. He is a man of profound solidarity, and that is something I admire in him (And it often drives me crazy when I'm dragged down by the consequences of his selfless acts)
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I totally agree. The people with an inner freedom that is just present in almost every situation are rare, I think.
Most of us constantly need to choose the path that brings us most freedom at that moment or in that particular circumstance, I think.
(And it often drives me crazy when I'm dragged down by the consequences of his selfless acts)
O I can understand that too. You already told us he has difficulties in saying 'no' to people, so i guess he often surprises you with things he has already agreed to.. I totally see that happen.
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No, you are just feisty. And I think it's a very practical rule!
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