Hahahaahahaa. thank you all so much for the great comments and discussion earlier - saving me from a fate worse than Fenrir Greyback by suggesting that instead of Professor Quirrell and his little evil head parasite we could possibly enjoy Severus enjoying himself with a nice feather quill.
With that, may I present the first inanimate object (so far) to get a turn riding our dear Professor in The ABCs of Severus Snape, Village Broom!
NSFW!!
Don't assume that those fish aren't staring.